There are currently still no actual mistresses on this show
Credit: ABC/Mitch Haaseth
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Welcome back fellow Mistresses lovers! We are back! And thank goodness this show has another season because if we had ended things forever with Joss being held at gunpoint by a dude dressed up to look like Jennifer Esposito, I would have been very, very unhappy. Remember all that insanity?

Joss sure does. We’ve jumped a year into the future and our favorite lass is reliving her trauma by testifying at Wilson’s murder trial. We get some disturbing flashbacks to what happened to her at the house before she managed to slip free, but she does not go into too much detail about that. Curious. Generally, she seems to tell her concerned friends and boyfriend that she is so fine, fine, fine, so she is clearly not. We learn she has been working on her demons by taking some sort of marital arts class, one that leaves her bruised like crazy.

Meanwhile, Harry is back from his jaunt abroad becoming a celebrity (*) chef. He has a fancy watch that I felt sure was to be a plot point, but turned out to be a red herring. After acting sort of weird and shady, he proposes to Joss on the beach with enough rose petals and champagne that would do The Bachelor proud. I have one wish for this season and that is the show will stop separating Joss and Harry. Because it’s all a bit fizzier and bright when we’re with these two, right? (Also, they get the best lines which I will get to a bit later.)

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April and Marc have relocated to what we are supposed to believe is a smaller, less expensive house. Looks pretty good to me. Of course, that might be all the leftovers from April’s chic boutique, somehow still in business, even when they screw up and order 800 candles. (I dare you, show, to make this a plot point.) They are making out like teenagers while April’s actual teen goes on a school trip for a couple of days. This apparently throws April into a bit of a tizzy as she starts seeing the empty nest looming ahead and she gets a bit snippy and obsessive about creeping through Lucy’s Instagram account. This is not helped by Marc informing her he will not go back to school, which apparently was the plan, but wants to try giving his music career a real shot. Question: Did we know he had musical aspirations? Last I checked he was the best sous chef in all the land.

NEXT: Other problems in paradise

Anyway, they seem to have worked this all out by the end of the episode when April apologizes to him and tells him she realized that she was just jealous of all of Marc’s passions. Hmmm, I am unconvinced. But April tells us that she put her artistic dreams on hold, not remembering the story line that had her painting with hot artist-but-secret-cop, Daniel.

April was inspired, we learned, by Karen. And, boy, Karen sure has accomplished a lot since we last saw her. She has given birth to a baby — named Vivian, of course — but is a single parent since Alec, we learn, took off to Costa Rica to work with Doctors Without Borders. Okay. Karen has also gone through a spate of nanny gals but a MANNY seems to have done the trick, in the shape of one Jerry O’Connell, playing Robert, an actor/manny who cannot resist Karen even though she has what I must say, quite frankly, is a terrible mistake of a haircut. As if all that wasn’t enough Karen has managed to write, sell, and publish a book about her experiences as a thrupple third titled, Unleashed. (A+ work there, Mistresses writers.) Joss, who is her publicist (also of course) tells her she must get in with this super fancy literary agent named Barbara Rutledge, who is being played by Tia Mowry-Hardrict, who, I’m guessing, might be in play to become the missing fourth mistress?

Best line: There were a lot to choose from. Like, Barbara Rutledge’s “Was that guy really wearing a caftan and a wig?” to Joss or Joss not knowing if it is a shark or a salmon that is always in motion. But, this week, I must give it to my man Harry who tells Joss that he was stopped at the airport but, “They thought I was that guy from The Mentalist.” As with all things, this is very funny because it is very true and also because Joss nods, like, yeah I can see that.

Best explaining the absence of a a character: A tie! Between Alec being away for Doctors Without Boarders and a random aside about Calista “getting out of the hospital.” Fair thee well, season 3 friends.

Number of times Savi is mentioned: Zero. Incredible she is still holding such a grudge, right?

Number of times those candles were mentioned: 3.

Number of mistresses on Mistresses: Zero. But, there’s always next week. Weeeee!

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