Jack Rowand/ABC
Show Details
TV Show
S3 E13
September 03, 2015 at 10:40 PM EDT

Guys, we did it: We’ve arrived at the final episode of this roller coaster of a season. And, I’m not going to lie: the way that this episode ends makes me think that this show will be getting a fourth season, but what if it doesn’t? We will have to use this space to create our own happy endings for everyone. Except Vivian, of course. But I guess I’m getting ahead of myself.

We begin on a glorious note: Joss getting released from prison! She can’t seem to believe it either, looking dumbfounded as she gets processed out to the appropriate soundtrack, “What Went Down” by the Foals. She happens to pass Calista going in as she’s going out (surely jails don’t work like this, right?), but who cares? The gates open and Harry is waiting for her and they have a very satisfying hug.

April talks to Joss on the phone and a smile turns into a frown when Marc comes in. He asks if she wants to talk about him slipping off the wagon. She wants to be sure that he wasn’t drinking in the house or with the kids. They fight a little bit. He doesn’t understand why she’s taking it so personally. I don’t think she does either.

Meanwhile, Vivian’s liver has failed and Alec freaks out. He doesn’t understand how Vivian is so suddenly in dire straits and Karen confesses that they were keeping this news from him. He is very much not pleased about this. He tells her to make like a tree and leave.

Oh, here we go: Joss and Harry are having hot post-jail sex and everything is awesome. They both agree. She’s also enjoying the indoor plumbing. Harry finds out that The! Rocco! DiSpirito! wants to meet with him in the morning. Joss is super enthused and wants to attack life. He wants to know if she wants to talk about stuff. She asks if she can be a dude and John Wayne her feelings. Feel you, bro.

Meanwhile at the jailhouse, Calista sends her lawyer away. She asks some blonde hardened criminal to “get it” for her and hands her some cash. Hmmm.

Joss, back with the gang, stands on a restaurant chair—why, who knows—to propose a toast to her lady friends. She sweetly thanks them for their support. They all want to know what the hell happened. Joss seems to not know how she got sprung from jail. Karen is distracted thinking about Vivian in the hospital. She thinks this might be it and her friends encourage her to go to Vivian’s bedside. April tells Joss about her and Marc’s fight. She’s mad he didn’t confide in her. We know it’s because she, like, loves him and hasn’t come to terms with it.

Then, it’s a sad goodbye scene between Scotty and Lucy and Marc and co. Marc looks gutted. Scotty doesn’t looks psyched he’s moving to Vegas, which no, he should not be. There’s an awkward moment between Miranda and April and then Miranda drops yet another bomb: He’s clearly in love with April. “How did you not see that?” Yeah, April!

Wow, Rocco DiSpirito really is on this show! And he’s PERFECT. He and Harry have an interview — which Harry completely crushes by telling his origin story love affair with food, and it is indeed very sweet. Rocco is completely charmed. Harry finds out that the job is not a web series, but a network show that would involve starting immediately and traveling through Europe for the next year. Oh show, what are you doing to Joss and Harry? What are you doing to me?

Joss took herself out on a little shopping spree and is delighted when Harry lets her know that the interview went well. Harry suggests they go meet at the house for inspections. She says she’s on her way but is stopped by a welcome home gift basket from… Calista? This seems strange. She is most definitely freaked out.

Karen creeps nervously into Vivian’s room, admitting she was nervous about seeing Alec. Vivian says he’s been staying away, trying to find a new donor or cash in on favors. Karen asks what she can do. Poor Vivian, this is all happening so fast. She asks to feel Karen’s stomach (after a weird moment talking about boob tenderness) and this is all a little too sad, Mistresses!

Joss goes to her lawyer, (sidenote: am I the only one who thought they were setting us up for some big reveal about David the lawyer?) asking for a restraining order. When he, rather reasonably, points out that Calista is in jail and not a danger, she explains that she thinks Calista is trying to get in her head. He tells her he’ll take care of it. Back in jail, fellow blonde inmate breaks her broom and gives it to Calista. Methinks this would not happen at a high level security prison, but what the hell do I know; and in the grand scheme of things on this show, this isn’t nearly as unbelievable as anything else. We’re not even at the last crazy scene yet!

Harry is packing up to go meet Joss when Marc stops in. He wants to quit ASAP. He thinks he wants to “get off the grid” and, you know, “hike Machu Picchu” (note: this Machu Picchu thing is totally the dude version of Eat Pray Love). Harry is all, oh you got rejected from April? Marc explains that April was not excited about him drinking and is no longer giving him any meaningful looks. He has nothing left in town and so they do the bro thing of shaking hands. Sigh.

April returns home to a rather short goodbye note, and Lucy appears at the door to say Marc left her one, too. Lucy is bummed but seems happy they’ll get to be pen pals. April reads Lucy’s note—much longer than the one she got—and smiles and laughs. Hurry up and go get Marc.

NEXT: Now about that last scene…

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