A girls' night out leads to severe bridal doubts
The episode starts with the distressing news that Chloe and Pierce are getting married in three weeks. Three weeks! But don’t worry — they’re dunzo by the end of the episode, thanks to the world’s worst bachelorette party.
A delighted Ella launches into planning a bachelorette party for the closest thing she has to a sister, even though she’s concerned about Chloe’s upcoming monogamy. “Even hot gets boring,” she warns.
Chloe herself doesn’t seem all that excited about Pierce’s enthusiastic wedding planning, but when her affianced suggests postponing, she waves it off and accepts his suggestion that she take some vacation time to prepare for the big day.
At his penthouse, Lucifer, clad in red satin pajamas, rails at Amenadiel about Chloe’s spectacularly bad choices regarding the “overstuffed man ham.” Amenadiel suggests Lucifer be honest about his feelings, but Lucifer says it’s too late for that. Instead, he decides to figure out why Chloe made the choice she did.
Chloe’s time off leaves him paired up with Dan for this week’s murder, so Lucifer decides to figure out what makes Chloe tick by taking the lead on the case, which was not what Dan was counting on as they investigate the death of Francis Hoffman, whose body is found behind the scenes of an elite dog show and whose prize-winning mastiff, Miss Cornelia, is missing.
Ella is far more interested in ordering a penis piñata than reporting on cause of death (blunt force trauma, for the record), while Francis’ husband, Frederick, frets about Miss Cornelia’s location. Lucifer pours on the empathy and promises they’ll find the murderer and the dog, then asks about Dan’s stalled relationship with Charlotte. But like everything he does this week, Lucifer doesn’t really care, he’s just channeling what Chloe would do.
He even goes for the wardrobe change, donning a drab jacket and turtleneck, and asks Dan to play the role of his handsome, unpredictable partner so he can get the full Chloe experience. He swaps Dan’s badge and gun for a fat wad of cash and shoves him into a sketchy underground gambling den solo to cozy up to their suspect, Vince.
Dan-as-Lucifer tries the whole “What do you desire?” thing, which Vince misinterprets as a come-on. Then Dan notices a dog bite and is thisclose to getting Vince to spill about its origin when Lucifer storms in with a SWAT team, assuming that’s what Chloe would have done to get him out of trouble at that point. When Dan object, Lucifer tells him to quit making it all about himself. Ha!
Under questioning, Vince confesses that he was actually Francis’ dog show competition, having been paired with a purebred mastiff thanks to the Pups and Parolees program. As for murder, that wasn’t him. “I’d never murder the puppies’ maternal grandfather,” he says. “I’m not some monster!” Yep, Miss Cornelia is pregnant with his dog’s puppies, and their offspring will be worth tens of thousands dollars.
Since every canine contestant gets examined by one vet before they compete, Lucifer and Dan head to her clinic to question her. But Lucifer’s desire trick bypasses the vet and hits her assistant, who tells them, “I want the miracle of birth.”
Dan realizes she’s actually talking about Miss Cornelia, and the assistant admits she found the dog after Francis’ murder and planned to return her after she’d sold the newborn puppies.
Lucifer installs the dog in the front seat and wonders why Chloe’s actions are so easy to replicate but so hard to decipher. He turns his frustration on Dan, who’s sitting in the back. Lucifer taunts Dan for being too scared to tell Charlotte what he really wants, but Dan hits back that Lucifer’s afraid to ask Chloe why she’s marrying Pierce.
Miss Cornelia wreaks doggie havoc on the precinct before Frederick shows up to claim her and is surprised to learn she’s pregnant. Miss Cornelia reluctantly leaves with him. Later, when Lucifer pages through paperwork, he notices Frederick signed the prenatal exam, meaning he actually did know about the pregnancy.
But Dan noticed Miss Cornelia’s hesitations and waits in the dark for Francis to return home. He interpreted Miss Cornelia’s distrust of Francis as evidence that he was the murderer. Frederick pulls a gun and says Francis already put Miss Cornelia first; he couldn’t deal with the thought of six puppies outranking him too. He was scared to confront Francis about it for fear of learning what he really thought.
In the end, they fought, and Francis fell and hit his head. Frederick says he just couldn’t bring himself to kill Miss Cornelia, a creature that looked at him with so much intelligence in her eyes, and then turns the gun on Dan. This may be the season’s best Detective Douche burn yet!
At that point Lucifer arrives to make the arrest, yelling at Dan that he needs a responsible partner who’s actually there for him … which causes the lightbulb to goes off regarding what drove Chloe to Pierce.
Next: That’s one bad bachelorette party