In which we meet Hell's first tenant
Credit: Ray Mickshaw/FOX

Lucifer’s brainstorm at the end of last week’s episode kicks off the action this week, and he uses crude whiteboard drawings to explain his plan to Pierce: Fly down to Hell, grab Abel’s soul, and deposit it into a vacant body. If Abel’s alive, this could nullify Cain’s crime and therefore the mark and the curse.

Not sure how well that logic actually holds up, as the murder did still happen in this scenario, but Pierce is willing to give it a try. He’s also pleased to hear that his brother is Hell’s oldest resident. “Do you know how many times I’ve tried to tell people Abel is the asshat? No one ever believes me!”

Conveniently (or inconveniently, depending), their hunt for a freshly dead body intersects with Chloe’s newest case. Bree, assistant to Hollywood producer Alexa Lee, opens a box containing a bomb and is grievously injured. Alexa was with her Pilates trainer at the time and feels terribly guilty — as well she should, because Bree succumbs to her injuries juuuuust as Lucifer unfurls his wings and nips into Hell, planning to pop Abel’s soul into the body of the 97-year-old dying in the adjacent hospital bed.

While he and Pierce wait for the coot’s resurrection, Bree (Lauren Lapkus) climbs shakily to her feet behind them and exits. When they notice her vacant bed, Lucifer acknowledges, “I may have misplaced your brother’s soul.” Pierce isn’t happy, particularly because the mark is still on his arm.

This prompts Lucifer to shift his plan, and he suggests letting Abel kill Cain this time, although he wonders if Pierce’s Hell loop will just resemble his life on Earth. Pierce isn’t concerned; his conscience is clear as it pertains to his brother. He and Abel both wanted to kill each other, which is how Abel ended up in Hell when his brother won their final fight.

But they still need to track Abel down. They agree not to loop Chloe in on this mess and turn to a different source: Maze. “Oh, God, Abel. You never forget your first,” she purrs. All the demons in Hell learned how to torture by practicing on their infernal guinea pig, whose Hell loop was Cain showing up over and over to kill him. Out of boredom, the demons always changed up the specific Cain-kills-Abel tableaus, meaning Abel’s become super adaptable and is fluent in most languages.

Lucifer wants to know where Abel would go if he thinks this is another Hell loops. Maze describes him as a bit like a “caveman Lucifer” before handing over a bunch of dollar bills. And sure enough, there’s Bree-Abel (Breebel?) in her cute sweater and plaid pants, hollering at a confused group of passing women about blessing them with her seed.

Now to the bombing case that killed the original Bree: Alexa received a death threat from a gun-wielding, ghillie suit-wearing conspiracy theory nut. When Chloe and Dan track him down in the woods, the man rants that The Plunge, Alexa’s schlocky action movie about fixing Earth’s blocked magma flow, made a mockery of a serious issue that threatens them all.

“A jock, a nerd and a princess save the planet? I mean, come on,” he scoffs — although he did gain 196 Twitter followers since the movie premiered. He swears he didn’t try to kill Alexa and points out her many enemies: big agro, big frack, carnies, the Bolivians…

That last suggestion actually bears fruit when Chloe links the bomb to a fertilizer used in Bolivia and discovers one of the cartel members is in L.A.

Amenadiel, meanwhile, has tracked down Breebel, who’s manspreading like crazy at a poolside bar. “I do not want to lay with you, or any other man,” she over-enunciates when Amenadiel approaches her. He holds up a tray so she can see her reflection, and Breebel suddenly understands why she’s been getting so much male attention. Breebel explains the details of her Hell loop, and Amenadiel offers her a gun so she can take her fate into her own hands.

But she actually uses it to kill the man who’s arrived poolside to shoot her. It’s the Bolivian cartel member, and Breebel manages to escapes in the post-shooting chaos as Lucifer and Pierce arrive. Amenadiel chastises Lucifer for his recklessness in bringing back Abel and angering God.

Naturally, Lucifer’s proud to have used his wings for just that purpose; with his devil’s face gone, what does he have to lose? Plenty, Amenadiel reminds him, and leaves to keep trying to send Abel back to Hell.

Now that their targets have officially intersected, Pierce and Lucifer check in with Chloe, who’s miffed that Lucifer chose to buddy up with Pierce rather than her. Lucifer accompanies Chloe to question Alexa, who says she’d be lost without Bree and her Spanish fluency in dealing with the Bolivians who financed some of her films. Chloe, the over-identifier of the week, says she knows that feel. Then when Alexa says only Bree’s fingerprint can unlock the office file cabinet, Chloe wonders what Bree’s hiding.

Two $50,000 Bolivian wire transfers, for one thing, and Chloe huffs that Bree’s loyalty dissolved in the face of big-armed, blue-eyed Bolivian drug lords. Mmm-hmm, sure, you over-identifier.

At Lucifer’s loft, Pierce manipulates Maze by telling her that Amenadiel would hate it if she helped him. Maze hops right on board and says Abel would occasionally do something Maze never saw coming. That’s exactly when Breebel bursts in and shoots Pierce in the chest, then does an endearingly dorky victory dance over his body. Pierce doesn’t stay down long, though, and Breebel falls to the floor and begs her brother to make this death quick.

But Pierce explains that this isn’t a Hell loop. “You’re alive, brother.” Behind him, Maze pantomimes her head exploding. (Next page: Nice knowing ya, Abel)

Although they don’t have a Plan C yet, Pierce brings Breebel to the precinct keep her safe from the Bolivian cartel. She sprawls across a chair and brags to Chloe and Charlotte that she has enough sheep for two wives and their offspring’s offspring. Neither of them is wooed by this offer.

Breebel agrees to do whatever the wise ladies want, and Charlotte is astounded at how easily Breebel gives up control. Breebel explains, “I would do anything to avoid returning to that hell. If you had been there, you would do the same.”

This resonates with Charlotte, who just had a rocky session with Linda in which the good doctor called Charlotte on her extreme need for control and her attempts to “win” therapy.

At the time, Charlotte accused Linda of trying to get her hooked on therapy to drain her bank account, but after her time with Breebel, Charlotte apologizes to Linda and describes her own Hell loop: Every day over breakfast, one of the men she defended in the past would show up and kill her whole family while she looked on. Then she’d wake up to a new morning, with a new former client arriving to kill everyone she loves.

“I don’t know what it’ll take to stay out of that place. I’m trying my best, but I don’t know if it’ll be enough,” she chokes out. Linda calls this a brave start, and dang, Tricia Helfer kills this scene. I’m so, so glad she’s still a part of the ensemble this season.

On the bombing case, the news that Alexa purposely rescheduled Pilates to be out of the office when the bomb was delivered has the police now thinking that Bree was a whistleblower who didn’t succumb to the cartel bribes.

When they have Breebel open the fingerprint-locked filing cabinet, it reveals a bomb set to destroy both the woman and the evidence the instant her finger leaves the keypad. Lucifer wants Chloe to clear out and leave Breebel for the bomb squad, but Chloe refuses.

Over the phone, Dan begs Chloe to think about Trixie, while Pierce offers to walk her through defusing the bomb. Lucifer hates that Piece would prioritize saving Breebel’s life over Chloe, but he promises Chloe that he’s her partner and will stay with her. He takes Chloe’s place in holding Breebel’s thumb steady on the lock with Pierce walks Chloe through disabling the blasting cap.

While this is happening, Maze is engaging Amenadiel in a fight to keep him out of Lucifer’s way. Amenadiel takes the opportunity to ask why Maze is so upset about him and Linda when Maze is the one who dumped him back in the day.

Maze says it’s actually about the lies and betrayal, and in the end, Amenadiel simply stands there and lets her whale on him, which frustrates her. “It’s about as much fun as watching you break Linda’s heart,” he replies, and she storms out, furious that he even ruined this for her.

The case wraps up when the police find Alexa’s print on the filing cabinet bomb, and she agrees to flip on the Bolivians, whose money she was laundering. Lucifer’s bummed because he had the perfect Plunge sequel title: 2 Deep 2 Plunge. (He’s wrong, though; the superior sequel title is clearly The Plunge 2: Plunge Harder.)

Chloe thanks Lucifer for his help, but he’s upset that without him, she wouldn’t have been in danger in the first place. That’s nice and all, and yet…Chloe’s a cop. Lucifer definitely brings danger into her life, but she still has plenty of her own to begin with. Maybe dial the guilt back a notch, Luci.

In the end, Cain and Abel part as almost-friends. Breebel expresses sympathy that he’s been living through his own version of Hell on Earth and then leaves to seek her way in the new world.

As she walks away, Lucifer arrives to dissolve his agreement with Pierce, even though he’s still got the mark. Lucifer’s fine endangering himself, but he can’t risk Chloe’s life anymore. Pierce is surprised that the devil’s going back on his word, and Lucifer agrees but says it’s the easiest decision he ever made.

Pierce says that’s fine because as long as Abel’s alive, he still has hope.

Aaaand at that moment, Breebel crosses the street and gets nailed by an ambulance. Doh!

Stray feathers

  • Let’s hear it for Lauren Lapkus! Such unexpected casting for the role of Abel, but she was fantastically funny as an ancient, lecherous man in a young woman’s body. I’m sorry she won’t be turning up again in the future (unless they want to pull a Charlotte Richards with her, which I for one would welcome).
  • As for the Abel story line, nothing’s stopping Lucifer from fetching his soul again and tossing it into another newly dead body, although that goes against his stated desire to stop helping Pierce. Still, it seems like he could do him that one favor before walking away.
  • This week’s hot debate in my household: What was “a jock, a nerd, and a princess” referencing? One faction says Star Wars (Han, Luke and Leia!), while the other says it’s clearly The Breakfast Club. Who’s right, Lucifans? Let me know in the comments!

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