'Jane the Virgin' recap: 'We are family'
Chapter Ninety
Credit: Kevin Estrada/The CW

It’s weird to think that when Jane was little, Rogelio wasn’t a part of her life. Now they are together, wearing matching outfits, pitching a space-themed telenovela to a bunch of executives. Hope fills the air as Jane assures them Steve and Brenda’s love will not only withstand the test of time, but it will also transverse planets.

I’m not sure if it was Jane’s enthusiasm or Rogelio’s insistence that they wear space helmets that pushed the executives over the edge. Either way, Jane and Rogelio sold the script and even took the time to choreograph a celebratory dance to share the good news with Alba and Xo.

Jorge takes advantages of the festive atmosphere and drops to one knee. He wants to marry Alba, in front of God, as soon as possible. The family rejoices and Xo turns into a wedding planning machine. Alba deserves something grand and Xo is going to make it happen.

Jane fights a moment of sadness. She wants to call Rafael and tell him both pieces of good news, but she can’t. With all the space she’s been giving him, Luisa has filled the void. Using good vibrations and crystals. Rafael likes having this new energized Luisa around and even agrees that she can finally meeting the kids. He will have to clear it through Jane and Petra, though.

Take a number. Petra is navigating her own “meet the kids” scenario with Other Jane. Although JR seems to be taking it all in stride, Petra is ready for JR to move on to the next phase: alone time with the twins. JR isn’t so sure. She changes her tune when Petra suggests something simple. How about ice cream downstairs? That’s easy!

Just as easy as convincing River Fields to sign the Mars contract. River loves the Mars pitch and is happy to sign the contract. When Rogelio finds another writer, of course.

Jane wants to lay down her pen, but Rogelio convinces her to write the script. If Jane shows River her pages, Jane’s talent will speak for itself. It’s easy!

Just as easy as building your own sundae with Petra’s spawn. (I’m being facetious.)

When a fight sparks from one twin’s audacity to take all the organic strawberries, JR slams her hands down on the table and screams for the girls to stop acting like spoiled brats. Then she demands they clean up their mess. Jane sees everything and doesn’t say a word. Instead, she serves champagne to guests gathered in the hotel gift shop.

Wow! The Marbella has stepped up its game! Free afternoon cocktails? Yes, please.

Oh wait. It’s just Alba’s engagement party. Randomly thrown together by her granddaughter, who is in her Marbella uniform. Don’t pull the thread. Just go with it.

Jane hears a familiar voice congratulating Alba on her pending nuptials. She turns around and is face-to-face with Rafael, who somehow looks better than ever before. Seriously, what magic elixir is Justin Baldoni taking to look that good all the time?

Rafael asks Jane if he can introduce Mateo to Luisa. Jane asks for a day to think it over and later confesses to Xo and Alba that she wants to say yes just so she can win some good graces with Rafael. Alba wisely suggests she focus only on what is good for Mateo. Xo instructs them all to pay attention so they can plan the wedding of the century.

Xo gives Jane one job: write the telenovela of a lifetime. Rogelio hands her a stack of the best pilot scripts he’s collected over the years and Jane notices her book editor’s name and number on the back of one. She shoves the weird feeling aside and begins to create a masterpiece.

Over at the Marbella, Petra confronts JR, aggressively asking her, “Why didn’t you tell me?” JR naturally thinks Jane tattled and immediately begins defending herself for yelling at Petra’s kids. 1.) That’s not what Petra was talking about. 2.) Who told JR she could discipline the twins? It’s not her place. JR leaves in a huff.

Back at Jane’s house, Rogelio prepares Jane to receive his notes on her first draft. Many involve editing “very handsome” to “extremely handsome.” Otherwise, he’s thrilled with the plot and storyline. Jane is happy, but can’t let go of Jeremy’s name and number she found. Rogelio says he wanted to send him flowers after Jane’s book launch. It’s no big deal.

Jane is suspicious. She calls Jeremy and leaves a message before taking Mateo to Rafael’s house. There she gives her permission for Aunt Luisa to meet Mateo. It’s not because she wants to win points with Rafael. It has nothing to do (she thinks) with the crystals in Rafael’s apartment. She wants Mateo to have a big family. Like the one she always wanted as a little girl.

That night, after gifting Alba with a framed flower that must not be crumpled, Jane hears back from Jeremy. Jane apologizes for Rogelio’s behavior, hoping Jeremy will spill the beans. Jeremy keeps a tight lip, telling Jane that he promised Rogelio he would never tell.

Tell what? Jane easily baits Rogelio with the good old standby, “Jeremy told me what you did.” Rogelio walks straight into the trap, apologizing that he used his resources to help Jane get published. Before Jane can properly lose her mind, River arrives, praising Jane for her talented writing skills.

Jane retaliates the best way she knows how. By offering River more lines, more closeups, and the coveted position of planting the American flag on Mars. When the Villanueva women hear what Rogelio did, they stand in solidarity with one another, waiting for him to explain himself.

His intentions were very sweet. Rogelio couldn’t bear to see his daughter grieving the “death” of her husband. He knew Jane’s work deserved to be published. So he made a call. Jane defuses the tension by stalking into her room. Because of this new revelation, Jane struggles to write the script. She immediately labels herself a fraud.

Jane’s not the only one who feels like a fraud. JR is right there with her. Even though Petra apologizes for not setting any rules in regard to parenting, JR thinks that the problem is deeper. Both JR and Petra had hard childhoods. Petra tries to make up for it by spoiling her girls rotten. JR swings the other way. She never wanted kids. What’s the solution?

Taking a page from Jane and Rafael’s book, JR and Petra try co-parenting. Petra is the fun one. JR is the hard one. But everyone knows that the real threat is losing the iPad. There’s power in technology and everyone knows it.

Just when you think the relationship is destined to work, JR gets a call from her mentor who has landed her a job. Hooray! It’s in Houston. Oh dear. What will happen to Petra and JR’s relationship status?!

We can’t worry about that right now because Alba and Jorge are getting married! As in right now this afternoon!

Why the rush? The answer is simple. Alba and Jorge are randy. They want a quick ceremony at the church, right before choir practice, and a simple meal with close family. Don’t stress, Jane. Rafael is not invited.

But should Rafael be invited? He’s sort of family, right? Jane certainly seems to think so and Rafael is excited to participate in the festivities. Festivities that include a particular orchid from Venezuela, which Xo promised her mother she would find. Of course, the rare flower can’t be acquired in the span of a few hours. This causes Xo to cry buckets of tears.

She wanted her mom to have that flower because her mom has been there for so many years. Xo never thought she would still need Alba, but she does! Alba holds her daughter and confesses that parents do whatever they can to help their children.

Cue Jane running to find Rogelio. They embrace at the back of the church as Rogelio shares the good news. River wants Jane to stay on as a writer. Finally!

Alba walks down the aisle with Xo. Jane and the guys look on from the front row. Alba makes promises to Jorge. He makes promises to her. They are pronounced man and wife and the choir sings with great gusto for Alba to “go have sex!”

Rogelio pops up and sings about sex. There’s Rafael and Jane and Xo singing about sex, too! Everyone wants Alba to get to know Jorge biblically. It’s just too cute.

Jane stays over at Xo’s house so the newlyweds can have some privacy. Since her confidence has been restored, Jane opens up her laptop to write. But instead of writing about Mars, she writes about Rogelio! Is this another book in the works? About family?

Side note: With all this love surrounding Xo and Rogelio, I have to wonder if the showrunners are setting us up for a death. Did I just swing dark?

It’s a telenovela. Bad things are going to happen. Like Luisa playing with Mateo as Rafael lovingly watches. His fabulous smile turns downward when the cops call to tell him that all of Rose’s money for her secret account has been funneled into Luisa’s account. They are still working together.

Don’t forget about Bobby, who is currently snooping around Rafael’s apartment while he’s galavanting with his sister and son. Is Rafael in danger? What is Bobby looking for in his apartment? Does Rafael’s cologne smell heavenly?

These are the answers we need to know. Especially that cologne part.

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Jane the Virgin
A telenovela adaptation, Jane the Virgin tells the story of Jane Villanueva, a virgin who is accidentally inseminated during a routine checkup.
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