'Jane the Virgin' recap: Jane makes a grand gesture
When we last left Jane, she had just bid Michael farewell before professing her undying love to Rafael. The moment was short, sweet, and heartfelt. It was also immediately rejected. And since that day, Rafael has done an impressive job of successfully avoiding Jane.
A life without Rafael is unacceptable to Jane. Exercising healthy boundaries is a cruel joke. Jane couldn’t care less that Rafael asked for space. How do we know this? Because she spends her spare time lurking in front of his house and finding excuses to text him.
Jane has reached “hot mess” status, just like her father. To Rogelio’s horror, The Passions of Steve and Brenda pilot did not get picked up. Why? Because executives wanted something a little edgier. Perhaps with a science fiction undertone. And a new cast that replaces Rogelio and River with actors who are hotter and way younger.
Rogelio promises to deliver such a script to the executives, knowing that he can count on his whip-smart daughter to create something fabulous that conveniently stars him. Of course, Jane’s thoughts are less creative and more stalker at the moment. At dinner, she learns Rafael will be at Mateo’s school tomorrow and even though her car’s GPS chastises her for crazy conduct, she heads to the school anyway the next day.
Rafael calls Jane just as she pulls up to the parking lot. He wants her to know that Mateo had a meltdown in class, but Rafael is taking care of it. He has a meeting with Mateo’s teacher and he wanted Jane to know. It’s co-parenting at its finest.
Jane offers to join him and he welcomes her offer. When he asks her ETA, Jane wisely does not answer, “Thirty seconds” or “THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE SCHOOL.” Instead, she simply hangs up on him, waits a few minutes, and joins Rafael inside.
It seems some kid called Mateo a dummy and although the teacher did reprimand the boy and call his parents, she wants Jane and Rafael to know that Mateo is struggling in reading. He’s behind the rest of the entire class. Jane and Rafael rally and promise each other they will get him back on track.
Mateo’s not the only one who will be getting some extra study time. Jorge’s immigration test was bumped up a few weeks and he and Alba have been quizzing each other about intimate details of their lives together. This is absolutely killing Alba. I don’t think her CGI pink glowing heart can handle it! She’s ready to pass this test so Jorge can walk right out of her life. The sooner the better.
The drama continues as Jane forces a karate-chopping Mateo to focus on some flashcards. Just as he moans that he wants to quit, Rogelio slumps into the room threatening the same action. Jane gives both guys a pep talk, making sure they know that you have to keep trying, even if it’s hard. They are not quitters!
Rogelio receives this pep talk as an invitation to give Jane full creative control over his new pilot. His one note is that he would like a CGI team to “Benjamin Button” his face so he can be the “young star.” River can be his mom.
Jane has a brilliant idea. What if the new proposal featured different storylines from the past and the present? Rafael isn’t buying it, but Jane reminds him of the overwhelming success of the TV show This Is Us. Rogelio geeks out over the “past/present” drama and brags about his good friend and show lead Justin Hartley. Cue Rogelio and Justin in side-by-side wellness tanning pods. I’m assuming that’s a real thing.
Jane promises to work on the proposal and heads over to Rafael’s to help him drill Mateo on some sight words. Mateo seems to be getting the hang of rhyming. Especially when farting is involved (art, heart, start, smart…) Rafael asks Jane to breakfast the next morning and Jane’s heart glows as big as Alba’s. Will Jane and Rafael reunite? Over pancakes?
Xo isn’t so sure. Since she’s been quizzing Rogelio and Alba, she can see firsthand that deep love can be one-sided. Look no further than Alba. Xo wants Jane to be sure she and Rafael are on the same page.
This is a tough pill to swallow. Rafael has been giving her green lights. Smiles here. Cute emojis there. Promises of spending time alone in the future. I can see why Jane made the decision to grand gesture her way back into Rafael’s heart with a carpet picnic the night before one of his open houses.
Rafael arrives and looks stunned. As Jane babbles on about her love for Rafael and her commitment to their relationship, party crashers arrive. Say hello to Rafael’s boss and potential buyers. Rafael is reprimanded for using the property as the setting for a romantic date with his girlfriend and is asked to leave.
Jane follows and begins to apologize profusely. Rafael cuts her off when she explains she was “taking advantage of an opening.” What opening? It turns out that what Jane considered flirting was actually “go team” and “yay co-parenting” interjections. Rafael gets in her face and makes one thing perfectly clear: They are through. Jane needs to move on.
Harsh, yes, but this is exactly what Xo was talking about. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you get to have them. You can’t force it. Even if you don’t believe it, you have to accept it.
Those words are meant for Alba, too. She and Jorge arrive at the immigration office and separately weave a genuine tale about how two crazy kids fell in love. We end with Jorge admitting to his caseworker that he can’t believe someone like Alba could ever love a prideful man like him. I think it’s important to point out that his heart did not glow, which is a clear indicator on this show that the love is not real. Ugh.
Maybe Jorge isn’t feeling the love, but Petra and JR are deep in it. Sadly, it seems like something is always getting in the way of their trysts. First, Petra has to fire Pammy the Parrot lady for speaking Czech. (Obviously, she’s working with Milos.) Then she has to deal with the twins blatant disdain for JR. Oh, and let’s not forget the red dot on JR’s forehead which indicates that she’s about to be shot. GET DOWN!
Petra and JR scramble up off the floor to go check on the girls. Upon making sure everyone is okay, Petra receives a call from her security guy. He needs her to come and look at the footage, otherwise, she won’t believe who he found on the balcony.
It’s not Milos. It’s not her mom. Her sister didn’t come back from the dead. The person who has been targeting Petra since the night Milos was shot is actually two people. The twins. This is extreme behavior for a couple of six-year-olds to sabotage their mother’s love life, right?
It’s actually more than that. The night Milos was shot, the girls came running into the room, unbeknownst to Petra. They saw JR with a gun and they relate guns to bad people. The emails, the scary man in their room, and the red dot on JR’s forehead were two tiny evil geniuses’ solutions for protecting their mother from a villain.
The twins saved their mother from a potentially dangerous situation. Now it’s Jane’s turn to save her father from a career catastrophe. Prior to penning the greatest proposal of all time, Jane apologizes to her dad for not making his script a priority in her life. When Rogelio forgives her (thanks to a basket filled with lovely items featuring Rogelio’s face), Jane launches into her sure-to-be Emmy-winning idea.
What if Rogelio and River lived in the future? On Mars? And the young hotties are in the present? It has everything: old people, young people, intrigue, science fiction, and if we’re lucky, Justin Hartley. Rogelio loves it.
Just like Jorge loves Alba.
See what I did there? That’s right. JORGE FINALLY COMES AROUND! After he learns that they passed the test, he confesses to Alba that he doesn’t want to leave. He wants to spend the rest of his life with the ones he loves. They make out by the kitchen sink, one big glowing heart. Yay for old people!
Back at the Marbella, Petra tells JR that Pammy the Parrot is back (she was learning Czech for the twins) and the girls are more than likely traumatized from seeing JR with a gun. Although she loves JR dearly, the girls are her priority. JR agrees and asks Petra if she can try to develop a relationship with the twins before she steps completely out of their lives. If it doesn’t work, she’s gone.
Petra is thrilled, but she has one more thing to do. She tells Rafael that the twins probably need therapy. We see her give him a hug via the perspective of someone stalking in a car. I can understand why you assume it’s Jane, but this time, it’s not. It’s the creepy guy Rose hired to befriend Luisa.
He’s on the phone with her, practically insisting that she demand to see Rafael’s children. For some reason, this dude is her personal cheerleader for this endeavor, which makes me wonder…
What does Rose have on the kids?
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