By Lincee Ray
April 17, 2019 at 10:00 PM EDT
Richard Foreman, Jr./The CW
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The return of Michael’s memories has sent a ripple effect through the entire Villanueva household. Since Jane’s worst nightmare (having to choose between Michael and Rafael) has come true, everyone else takes a good hard look at his or her own fears and makes the decision to face them head on or just pretend they don’t exist.

Of course, Jane doesn’t know that Michael’s memories are back, which is highly annoying to both me and the narrator. As she chatters on about Grandparents Day at Mateo’s school and praises Rafael for remembering her book-iversary, we witness Jane relaxing into her new normal, completely at ease now that Jason has left town.

Will Michael knock on her door and profess his love? Should he approach Xo or Alba and get some advice on the front porch swing? Do you think he’ll have a man-to-man talk with Rafael?

Nope. He calls a cab to take him to the bus station. He’s just going to leave without a word. UNACCEPTABLE.

Jane is upstairs at the Marbella, walking Petra through her response to a complicated text message from JR that reads “missing you.” And just when we think all the wackiness of a telenovela will prevent Jane from ever seeing Michael again, she makes it downstairs just in time for their eyes to meet. At that moment, Jane knows she’s peering into Michael’s soul.

So she hops a scooter and chases down his cab. She thinks she has missed his bus, but alas, Michael didn’t leave because he saw his beloved Jane chasing after him. A simple “Hi Jane” confirms that Michael is actually Michael.

Jane is overwhelmed and concerned at the same time. Why was he going to leave if he got his memories back? Michael’s answer is uncomplicated. He just wants her to be happy and by the looks of things, Jane has everything she’s ever wanted. With that said, he would like to visit with her for a bit.

Jane agrees but calls Rafael first. He’s in such a good mood that she conveniently omits the brand new life-changing information about Michael. Then they head to their favorite food truck to fill each other in on the last four years.

Meanwhile, Petra comes face-to-face with her own blast from the past. Magda is back and she’s posing as a one-eyed, one-armed pirate who tells guests’ fortunes in the lobby of the Marbella. Petra’s mother is hard up for cash since her one daughter killed her other daughter, which just so happened to be her only source of income. Now she’s insisting Petra pay her $100,000 to leave the premises. Instead, Petra screams for her intern to secure a restraining order.

Where Petra’s mom is the absolute worst, Jane’s dad is the absolute best. Now that Xo is down to her last chemotherapy treatment, Rogelio is excited to enlist his glam squad to help transform Xo back into a brunette bombshell just in time for Grandparents Day. He even promises Alba that his squad will glam her up for Jorge’s return to the States.

Alba is convinced Jorge is in love with her, thanks to all of the romantic letters he’s sent while he was away. Sure their marriage was just a front to get his green card, but Alba knows that Jorge’s feelings are more than just words on a piece of paper.

While Rogelio warns Alba to keep her emotions in check, the scene switches to Jane and Michael in front of the food truck, filling each other in on the details of their lives from the past four years. Although Michael admits he feels like two people trapped in one body, he slowly settles into his “Michael” side. Jane’s lower lip begins to tremble when he praises her for finally writing a book. You know, the book about their love story.

Michael wraps up the moment by telling Jane that he still loves her, which is super awkward when Jane finally has to tell Rafael that the dead husband she’s still married to got his memories back. Rafael immediately blurts out, “Are you still getting a divorce?” When Jane asks for a beat to think things through, Rafael leaves the room. He also leaves a velvet ring box on the desk. This, of course, triggers Jane to have an actual nightmare about Michael and Rafael fighting over her.

I think Rafael is great. I like him with Jane and appreciate that their family is whole. However, I still feel that Michael is Jane’s soulmate and now that his memories are back, I want the two of them together. Which makes me feel really bad for Rafael, but part of me doesn’t care. Tell me I’m not alone.

Additionally, please tell me we aren’t starting another Magda storyline. The pirate is suing Petra for emotional distress and even goes as far as to tell her daughter that the cards predict Petra will end up exactly like Magda. We flash forward to Petra in a wheelchair, begging the twins to give her some money. Petra snaps out of the daydream. Worst. Day. Ever.

Ironically, Rogelio is experiencing his best day ever. MICHAEL’S MEMORIES ARE BACK! As he processes his emotions about his best friend’s return, Jane takes advantage of her family sitting around Xo during her chemo treatment to get their advice on what she should do about the divorce papers. None offer any counsel, which irritates Jane to no end.

As her phone buzzes with countless text messages from Petra, begging her to help out with her JR situation, it occurs to Jane that Petra is the perfect person to tell her exactly what to do. She rushes to her friend’s aid and asks her to “give it to me straight.” Petra is quick to answer that Jane’s choice is clear: Divorce Michael and stay with Rafael.

Petra claims fate has (annoyingly) been throwing Jane and Rafael together for years. Michael is Jane’s past. Rafael is the future. Send the papers.

Three Vodka martinis later, Jane continues to defend Michael, claiming it’s not his fault that his memories were swiped. Petra reminds her that there was no chemistry when they went fishing, but Jane informs her that there was lots of chemistry while they were reminiscing. Petra blames residual chemistry leftover from yesteryear. Life is about making tough decisions. MAIL THE DIVORCE PAPERS.

Five drinks in, and both clearly drunk, Jane helps Petra craft another text message to JR. She plagiarizes Jorge’s sentimental letters to Alba. Petra agrees to send the text if Jane will send the papers. Which they both decide to do.

Lesson learned: Don’t drink and decide.

Naturally, Jane runs into Michael immediately after she mails the envelope. Michael knows that this time is extremely painful, but he promises not to run away from his feelings or from Jane. So Jane runs away from him instead. She runs right to the mail carrier who holds a very important envelope in his bag and after an 11-minute background story, he agrees to turn away so she can illegally take back her property.

As bad luck would have it, Petra and Rafael talk at this exact moment. Petra invites Rafael to praise her for getting Jane to mail the divorce papers. When Jane returns home, Rafael is there with two glasses of champagne. It’s a celebration to Rafael. It’s a painful moment for Jane when she explains that she took the divorce papers back. No decision that big should be made while sloshed.

Rafael is disappointed. Jane feels awful. And Petra is livid. Why? Because Magda has handcuffed herself to her daughter with the hope that she has just ruined her date with JR. You see, the text Jane crafted actually worked! But now Petra is literally stuck to her mother. What’s a lovestruck girl to do?

She drags Magda with her to JR’s place and shows her ex-girlfriend the literal baggage that comes with this relationship. As Magda shouts all of the terrible things Petra has done in the past (faked disability, cheated on her husband while he had cancer, not really a blonde), JR softens. Petra promises to never lie to JR again and admits that her worst nightmare is not turning out just like her mother. It’s a life lived without JR.

The two share a passionate kiss and then JR takes an ax to separate the chains that bind mother and daughter. The reunited couple head back to the Marbella. We have no clue where Magda went, but my guess is that she’s up to no good.

Across town, Xo shows up to Grandparents Day looking gorgeous in a brand new wig and hot pink dress. Alba is there, too, looking all sorts of fly. It’s too bad Jorge is such a stick-in-the-mud and didn’t pay attention to Alba’s transformation when he returned to the house. He didn’t even notice Alba gushing at his letters and laughed about how his sister told him he really needed to make the letters convincing.

Alba leaves him at the house to head to Grandparents Day, but she knows that Jorge has feelings for her. You can’t fake a connection like that. They are in love. And deep, deep emotions just don’t go away. You can turn them off like a faucet.

Right, Jane?

Xo greets Mateo and they perform a darling little dance together for the entire crowd. Rogelio notices that Xo doesn’t look so good and swoops up Mateo while Jane and Alba take Xo outside. When Xo passes out in Jane’s arms, they rush her to the hospital. The good news is that Xo is only dehydrated. The blah news is that Rafael is there with comfy clothes, coffee, and a shoulder to cry on. The confusing news is that Michael texts her to say he’s read her book and is hopeful that they will one day get their happy ending, too.

Rafael takes Alba home from the hospital and collects Mateo from Jorge. While he’s at the house, his own memories come flooding back and he recalls all the times he waited for Jane to make a decision between him and Michael. Or the times they fought about Michael. Then he remembers her wedding. To Michael.

When he returns home, he asks Jane point blank, “Are you still in love with him?”

Jane doesn’t know, which feels like an answer to Rafael. He tells Jane that waiting for her to pick Michael almost killed him. And he wants her to leave.

Wait, WHAT?! This seems extreme. I don’t know what to feel!

Mateo runs into the room and begs Rafael to let him stay. He doesn’t want to go. Rafael looks at Jane, motions for her to leave, and we watch as Jane crosses the line between her biggest dream and her worst nightmare.

Related content:

A telenovela adaptation, Jane the Virgin tells the story of Jane Villanueva, a virgin who is accidentally inseminated during a routine checkup.
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