By Lincee Ray
July 24, 2019 at 10:00 PM EDT
Kevin Estrada/The CW
S5 E17
B+
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  • TV Show
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If I didn’t know better, I would have assumed this episode of Jane the Virgin was the series finale. Other than Jane and Rafael’s wedding, I’m not quite sure what we have left to do to wrap things up. Most of the storylines ended in neat, tidy bows. This makes me nervous for the actual series finale.

If the showrunners make these five seasons a dream, I might punch something. If they make these last five seasons an actual telenovela, I might applaud them for being so creative. And I would applaud myself for guessing correctly.

BOW #1: Goodbye Michael
When we last left Jane, she had just learned that Rose had escaped again. Luisa is in a safe house in Belize. There’s no way to know what Rose will do next, therefore, Jane remains in a constant state of anxiety. When Rafael suggests she get professional help, Jane listens.

Her therapist recommends the Emotional Freedom Technique, which is a series of light taps on certain areas of your face, hands, and chest. This method comes in handy when another layer of uncertainty enters Jane’s world: the fate of her book.

The good news is that publishers are interested. The bad news is that Michael never signed away his life rights and without his permission, the book will never see the light of day. Jane makes a call to the ranch to try to track Michael down, but the foreman says Michael/Jason left a few days ago.

Jane calls his mother to see if she knows where Michael is and is surprised to learn that Michael is right there. Besides his mother. In Florida. Jane composes herself and asks Michael if he ever saw the paperwork she needed him to sign. He did, but he wants to meet her in person to talk about it. Jane worries that Michael wants to win her back. Rafael confirms that he thinks that’s exactly what Michael is doing. Luckily, Rafael trusts her. She has nothing to worry about.

Well, it turns out Jane does have something to worry about and her name is Charlie. Remember the girl who owned the land beside the ranch where Michael worked? She was gruff and liked to point guns at people? She’s Michael’s fiancée and she’s very pregnant. Mazel tov!

Jane stares as Charlie explains that she doesn’t want Michael to sign the papers. Jane begs Michael. He simply won’t sign. It’s a family decision and Michael supports Charlie.

Suddenly Charlie changes her tune and gives Michael permission to sign the papers. She just needed to know that he wasn’t destined to be with Jane like the character in the book. Jane offers that Charlie and Michael wouldn’t have found each other if it hadn’t been for her love story with Michael.

There’s one part they ask Jane to omit, although we don’t see the details. Michael also tells Jane that Rose is actually 51-years-old. You would never know it thanks to the plastic surgery. The two say goodbye and that’s all she wrote.

BOW #2: The Fate of Rose
Did you think it was weird that Michael told Jane Rose’s real age? Never fear. It all makes sense at the end. Again, another reason why this feels like a finale.

When Jane returns home from seeing Michael, Rose is in her house. She is deliciously evil. She asks Jane to call Luisa. Jane must tell Rafael’s sister to get on a plane from Belize to Florida and meet Rose at Rogelio’s This Is Mars red carpet premiere. If Luisa misses her flight, Rose will kill someone she loves. Jane calls and leaves a voicemail when Luisa doesn’t answer.

While waiting on Luisa to respond, Jane’s agent calls to tell her about an offer for her book. Rose grabs the phone, pretends she’s Jane’s lawyer, and cooly demands that they hold out for more money. Then Rafael calls and Jane has to act like nothing is going on even though she’s been held hostage for hours. Rose threatens Mateo’s life if Jane doesn’t convince Rafael to meet her at the party instead of coming home.

Luisa finally calls to let them know she’s at the airport. Rose and Jane change into martian costumes (so they won’t be recognized) and drive to the party. Jane passes everyone in her family, willing them to notice her and intervene. None do. She even tries tapping to reveal herself. Nothing. She and Rose climb some stairs in the ballroom that open up to the roof.

Jane reaches a boiling point and decides it’s time to be brave and fight back. She jokes about Rose’s real age (thank you for that tidbit Michael) and rambles on and on about how Luisa doesn’t love Rose. Also, good will always triumph over evil and — RAFAEL TACKLES ROSE!

That’s right! Distract the villain with a monologue. Great idea Jane! It’s too bad Rose has a gun and is ready and willing to shoot both Rafael and Jane. Fortunately, Luisa bursts onto the roof and threatens to take a cyanide pill so the madness will end. I’m not sure how this is a good solution for Jane and Raf, but I’ve decided not to pull at that thread.

Rose rushes forward to embrace Luisa in a passionate kiss and immediately realizes that the cyanide pill was actually a Tic Tac. Luisa smiles and pushes Rose through the hole in the roof that leads to the stairs. Rose somehow lands on a spike in the ballroom and then is engulfed by flames. Sin Rostro has been roasted.

BOW #3: New York
Xo is eager to tell Rogelio that she found a nursing program in New York that will accept her. Now they have to get Darci and Baby to move with them. Rogelio doesn’t want to miss another daughter growing up.

He tries to convince Darci first. She is willing to move, but she knows Esteban would never leave Miami. Rogelio thinks he knows a way to entice him. He will offer Esteban a part on This Is Mars!

Regretfully Esteban is all granola now and into spiritual healing. He has officially quit acting. Instead of giving up, Rogelio makes a glamor reel of Esteban’s greatest scenes. Esteban doesn’t budge. Rogelio throws up one last Hail Mary by paying the reporters on the premiere party red carpet to really schmooze Esteban.

He loves it! He also waivers in his decision to give up acting and full-on supports the move when Rogelio offers him the part of the evil villain on the show. He agrees. All is well. The move to New York is on. Then we see Darci and Esteban celebrating that they tricked Rogelio into giving Esteban a big part in his show. Villains gotta vill.

BOW #4: The Marbella
Petra is all about expansion and really wants Rafael to give it his all at the Marbella. This is problematic since Raf is working two jobs. He complains about how he misses dinner and bedtime. Petra has a solution. Rafael should move into his old suite at the hotel. That way he can be with all his kiddos and chained to his desk. It’s a win/win.

It is tempting, but in the end, Rafael chooses the real estate job. He wants a little house to hold his little family. They are what’s important.

This leaves Petra managing the Marbella on her own, which is fine since she thinks the hotel satisfies her in a way no person ever could. Does this include JR? We don’t know. What we do know is that JR’s mom passed away and JR is in town.

I think JR and Petra will end up together. I want to say they will move all around the world opening up franchises, but I don’t see Petra leaving the twins. I’m not sure I see her taking them along on the global tour either. Rafael’s big speech theme was family first.

BOW #5: Jane’s Book
It seemed rude at the time, but Rose’s dismissal of Jane’s agent with a paltry book offer was actually a silver lining. The book is up for auction and Jane sits by her phone watching text messages come through with different bids. What starts out as a respectable $10,000 ends up a whopping $500,000. Jane is in the money! Dolla dolla bills, y’all!

There’s just one small glitch. Jane has no idea her parents are about to move to New York. But with half a million dollars in the bank account, I imagine they can afford to fly up there every now and again. Or maybe just buy a plane and be done with it. With no evil villain or formerly dead ex-husband in the picture, the possibilities are endless.

Related content:

Episode Recaps

A telenovela adaptation, Jane the Virgin tells the story of Jane Villanueva, a virgin who is accidentally inseminated during a routine checkup.
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seasons
  • 4
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  • 10/13/14
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