By Lincee Ray
June 05, 2019 at 10:00 PM EDT
Kevin Estrada/The CW
S5 E11
B-
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  • TV Show
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Genre

I hope you weren’t dying to know what’s going on with Luisa and if she has officially turned to the dark side because this episode didn’t even mention Rose or her quest to wreak havoc on Rafael. Now if you’re interested in learning how to retrain your brain to focus using behavioral modifications, do I have the Jane the Virgin episode for you!

Everyone is learning to adjust in some way or another. Jorge is the new “man of the house” and is excited to move into Alba’s, which makes things a little uncomfortable for Jane. Petra has vowed to start a fresh life without JR, and Rogelio is trying to keep calm about the fate of his new telenovela.

We also have rockstar co-parents Jane and Rafael. Neither wants to put Mateo on ADHD medication, so Jane walks us through a fifteen-step process that should help Mateo with his meltdowns. They need to consider his diet, heavy exercise before school, and a new mantra: “It’s not about the days, it’s about the patterns.” Let the record show that both were doing a good job of playfully flirting with the other. I approve.

We skip ahead three weeks and check in with our cast of characters. Jorge has slowly infiltrated the Villanueva household, which means Jane has rescued a huge pile of family heirlooms that were marked for donation. Petra is still crying and firing temps. Xo is anxious to have her last PET scan, which will finally determine if all the cancer is gone. Rogelio is being fitted for his costumes for the telenovela (which was picked up). And Mateo is turning into a hellion because he wasn’t allowed to eat cake at a birthday party.

Jane is defeated and feels dinner with Rafael is in order so they can pump each other with positivity. It’s not about the days, right? It’s the patterns that they are implementing. Rafael politely declines and when Jane jokingly asks if he has a hot date, Rafael responds with, “Not a hot date. Just a regular one.”

Ugh. In moments like these, Jane would typically run to Alba for some advice, but her grandmother is too busy keeping her mouth shut as Jorge hangs a huge fish above the fireplace. Jane watches in disbelieve as Jorge suggests his new wife forego the soup she has prepared for lunch in lieu of a sandwich. As Alba rushes to do her man’s bidding, Jane reminds Alba that she is a strong, independent woman.

That afternoon, we find Jane complaining to Petra that Alba and Jorge are living in the 1950s. Petra doesn’t take Jane’s side. Jorge is Alba’s husband, not Jane’s. Who cares what they do? Jane rolls her eyes and points Petra in the direction of the jewelry store where she has come to offer moral support as her friend returns the engagement ring she purchased for JR. Jane believes Petra can begin to move on if she just gets rid of the giant rock. And it works! Petra feels a weight has lifted off of her shoulders.

Sadly, Xo is still carrying her own heavy load. Waiting for the doctor to call with the PET scan results, the scene switches from the Villanueva women holding hands staring at Xo’s phone to River offering moral support to Rogelio as they stare at the new poster for This Is Mars, which features the younger versions of their characters.

Xo’s phone rings. After two “okays” and one “thank you,” we learn that Xo is cancer-free. Hooray! The women hug and Xo calls Rogelio. Rogelio is overjoyed and shares the good news with River, who in turn, kisses him passionately as if they were kids under the bleachers at a football game. Then she turns and leaves.

Rogelio wisely tells Xo when he gets home, and Xo properly freaks out that River would have the audacity to make a pass at her husband. Rogelio reminds Xo that people fall in love with him all the time, so he will delicately handle the situation and set River straight.

Speaking of setting people straight, Jane is ready to give Jorge a piece of her mind. Mateo has taken to Jorge’s ways by declaring himself as “a man of the household,” and refuses to take his empty dinner plate to the sink since Jorge doesn’t have to. He also wants to join Jorge, who is laid up in front of his giant screen TV watching soccer, but Jane refuses. Cue the meltdown.

Jane approaches Jorge later, asking that he wait until Mateo is asleep to watch television. She also asks that he pick up his own dishes when Mateo is around. Other than that, they should be good. Jorge happily receives the news with a smile.

Alba does NOT receive the news with a smile, which makes Jane roll her eyes that Jorge tattled on her. Alba defends her husband, reminding Jane that she has been taking care of her and Xo for their entire lives. This is how she wants to live her life and Jane needs to back off and apologize to Jorge.

Jane finds Jorge at the gift shop of the Marbella and admits she overstepped her boundaries. Jorge accepts her apology and then gives Jane a list of things she needs to work on. Jane happily receives the news with a smile. It’s fake, but it’s there.

Back at the telenovela stage, Rogelio walks on eggshells around River. He wants River to know that he is flattered by her affection, but he is happily married. River agrees that they should keep things professional. All is well. Then the director calls for them to take the stage so they can have sex beside a Martian lake.

Rogelio and River passionately lock lips. Xo, who has been watching the entire exchange, is visibly uncomfortable but understands this is part of her husband’s job. Xo takes a different approach when the director yells, “CUT” and River keeps sticking her tongue down Rogelio’s throat. She leaps up from her chair and body slams River into the lake. Girl fight!

Rogelio demands that Xo cool off in his dressing room. River follows and apologizes to Xo for kissing Rogelio in the first place. She’s just caught up in the fantasy and is a little lonely. It won’t happen again. Xo understands, apologizes to Rogelio, and leaves the dressing room to go home and get changed. That’s when River kisses Rogelio ONCE AGAIN, proud that she figured out such a wonderful cover story on the spot.

Uncool, River. Rogelio sets her straight once again using small phrases. They will not have sex. He’s never wanted to have sex with her. She better respect his choice. He will report her to HR. Or Alyssa Milano.

Meanwhile, Jane and Rafael are unsuccessfully trying some breathing exercises with their very unfocused son. Jane suggests they take a run and Mateo yells at her. Rafael suggests a nice chocolate bar (read fake chocolate) and Mateo yells at him. When Mateo screams, “I don’t want to do this anymore!” Jane responds, “Me neither!”

Rafael steps in and hands Mateo an iPad. Then he joins Jane outside so they can drink beer in the peace and quiet. Jane worries that she can’t keep arguing and running around the block every time Mateo freaks out. Clearly, the behavioral therapy isn’t working. Although they don’t want to resort to medication, Rafael does want to actually enjoy being with his kid. Which he doesn’t at the moment.

They agree to lay off the diet on weekends and ditch the early morning exercise. Jane relaxes into the new rules. Then she casually asks how Rafael’s date went the other night. Rafael doesn’t date and tell. But he does tell Jane that if there is something worth telling, she’ll be the first to know.

Great. Now they are sharing relationship stories? I don’t know how I feel about this.

Speaking of relationships, I found it hilarious that when Jane tried to walk into her house, Alba had the door chain on because she and Jorge were getting busy on the couch. Jane flees to the sanctuary of the Marbella and is shocked to see that her friend has been busy during her fresh start on life.

Between firing assistants, Petra has decided to remodel the Marbella. It’s a good thing Jane intervenes because she reminds Petra that it’s a bad idea to get over an ex by going bankrupt. Petra explains that she feels powerless and unfocused. She has to do something or she will explode.

That’s when we see Jane and Petra running, not around the block, but up and down the beach. The heavy exercise works and Petra begins to let go of the thought that JR was her happily ever after. Jane chimes in, laughing about her own happily ever after. She’s thinking about changing her book so that her heroine lives with her grandmother.

Petra wonders out loud why Jane’s heroine doesn’t just move out. She’s a grown woman, right? Shouldn’t she stop waiting for things to change?

Touché Petra.

Now that she feels in control again, Petra calls the one person who can keep her in line during her current state of mind. She invites (read: begs) her old assistant Krishna to come back to work. All it takes is triple her old salary and an hour-long lunch every day. That’s definitely cheaper than renovating the entire hotel.

The night, Rogelio once again proves that he is a stand-up guy by telling Xo that River is still all up in his business. Xo is livid and vows to come to set every day so she can keep an eye on River. Rogelio forbids Xo from coming and warns her not to jeopardize his job just because she’s insecure and jealous.

Xo storms out of the room as Rogelio spews his feelings. Then she turns around and hugs him. Although his words were hurtful, they were true! He actually yelled at her and called her out on her jealousy. He would have never done that before the all-clear PET scan! Hooray for being normal again! They celebrate by making a little love.

Little do they know that thanks to River standing before a bonfire, tossing Martian flower petals into the fiery chasm, Rogelio’s work life is about to get worse. Stay tuned for that.

And finally, we see Jane apologizing to Alba for criticizing how she lives her new life with Jorge. Alba tells Jane that Jorge is very sweet to her, too. She lists all the things he does and Jane watches as her grandmother gushes. She has definitely found her happily ever after. Now Jane knows that it’s time for her to move out.

My hope is that she’s going to move right back in with Rafael, but that doesn’t seem to be the case since he’s playing the field, now. Do we think they can be roommates? Or is she better off living with Petra, sleeping on Egyptian cotton sheets every night?

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A telenovela adaptation, Jane the Virgin tells the story of Jane Villanueva, a virgin who is accidentally inseminated during a routine checkup.
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seasons
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