Relationship status: It's complicated
Chapter Seventy-Three
Credit: Michael Desmond/The CW

It seems all of the characters on Jane the Virgin are in the process of hitting a brick wall. There’s so much angst, unnecessary drama, and dashed dreams. But if there’s one thing the Villanueva women know how to do, it’s bust through brick walls. Even if they have to do it brick by brick.

Rafael’s Brick Wall
Remember how that magical kiss between Jane and Rafael was woefully interrupted by their offspring? Sorry, Mateo. For the time being, no one is getting married. They carefully explain that Mommy and Daddy are “exploring feelings” in a romantic way, and since they have no idea where this is going, the one thing they do know is that nothing will change for Mateo. Let’s keep this on the down low.

The five-year-old immediately shares with his entire family the next morning that his parents are exploring with kisses. Everyone exhales a sigh of relief. Sadly, Jane and Rafael are quick to turn up the tension again with a simple “we need time to figure out what we want.”

Rafael packs up his belongings to move into his new loft while a sad Mateo looks on. He assures his son that mommy will come over all the time. Mateo takes this as his green light to pack his mother’s belongings into a suitcase. So this means they will be exploring at Dad’s house? Great!

Rafael actually agrees with Mateo and tells Jane that he is all in. Jane is still suffering from whiplash. She just went through a breakup, Raf was just sleeping with another woman to get his company back, and neither of their careers are where they want them to be. Jane presses pause on the exploring.

The next day, Mateo’s teacher confides in Rafael that his son is clearly anxious over family problems. Rafael decides right then and there to side with Jane and hit pause on figuring out his relationship status. Because I can’t catch a break with this show, Jane decides in that same moment to change her mind and just go for it with Rafael. Okay, it wasn’t a “moment” per se, but more like a dominatrix fantasy. Just know that all signs point to Rafael in Jane’s book. You know, the guy who just closed the chapter on this story.

Rogelio’s Brick Wall
You may be wondering how Rogelio and Xo are supposed to live now that he is a stay-at-home dad. Never fear. He merely agreed to shoot a slightly embarrassing overseas commercial for a digestive product that apparently makes rainbows shoot out your butt when swallowed. Who doesn’t need that every once in a while?

The second challenge Rogelio has to face is the new nanny. Her name is Felicia and Darci loves her because of her CBE: celebrity baby experience. Rogelio scoffs at the notion that anyone other than Baby’s daddy would caring for Baby. He’s the daddy and the nanny. The Danny, if you will. Darci predicts that he won’t last a week. Rogelio bows to the challenge. Bye, Felicia!

Rogelio spends the day taking pictures of himself with Baby and posting them to social media. Darci intervenes, enraged that Rogelio would do such a thing. Do George and Amal showcase their twins on Twitter? Absolutely not. Have some dignity.

The day drags on without the distraction of social media. And poor Baby has hit her own brick wall — constipation. Rogelio pours his heart out to his daughter, apologizing that he doesn’t have what it takes to be a #SAHD. He confesses that she would be better with someone else, asks for her forgiveness, and she poops. There were no rainbows, as far as I could tell.

Xo’s Brick Wall
Xo is working hard to entice more students to join her dance classes. She makes a dent in her enrollment goal, but Alba notices that she isn’t as excited as she should be. Why? Because Xo doesn’t want to dance anymore. She wants a career change and she has Rogelio to thank for giving her the guts to try something different. Cue Ro reconsidering his Danny status.

Alba’s Brick Wall
Jorge is back in town and Alba sees him with Sophia. HOW DARE HE. Wait, who is Sophia again? She’s the woman Jorge was dating before Alba. Alba is a rebound — and is devastated. The Villanueva girls are not happy about this. (Recap continues on next page)

Jane’s Brick Wall
Poor Jane is dropped by her publisher because her first book didn’t perform as anticipated. Since women of color are rarely published, Jane feels this news makes her a double failure to future publishing houses. Naturally Rafael is the one to talk her off the ledge of rejection. He reminds Jane that she has fought for what she wants her entire life. She simply needs to continue doing that and maybe take a few days to write.

Later, Rafael asks Petra for a favor and she secures a meeting with her book agent friend. Jane begins to sweat. She has nothing to pitch. She decides to tap into the daydreams she’s had about Rafael recently (stable boy, prison guard) and lands on three ideas:

Jane: Think about Outlander, but instead of time travel, it’s reincarnation.
Jeff: We already have something like that.

Jane: Think The Notebook, but with vampires.
Jeff: The market is oversaturated with vampires.

Jane: Think Fifty Shades of Grey with a role reversal. Our heroine is the boss.

The meeting is interrupted by Petra. Jeff tells his co-worker that Petra is fabulous and her story needs to be published. Petra is all over it. When she realizes she has just stolen the spotlight, she tries to turn the conversation back to Jane. Jane is tossed a bone, but Petra is given a book deal. To quote our narrator, Jane is fifty shades of green.

Petra’s Brick Wall
Petra knows that Rafael is still livid about the “Luisa situation” when he cancels family brunch. But when Jane doesn’t go to bat for her, she knows things are really bad. To top it off, the other Jane, who Petra and I call JR, continues to push for blueprints of the hotel. Petra refuses. And JR is forced to convey the bad news to the mystery person on the other end of the text chain. Is this Rose? Or Luisa? What about Magda?

After the book debacle, and Jane’s insistence that Petra’s favors are always transactional, Petra makes a call to the hospital to help JR’s mom secure an appointment with an Alzheimer’s specialist. See? She’s a good person! She’s also a writer now, so she needs some writing supplies: candles, green tea, and a cool playlist. A laptop and writing utensils are so overrated.

One bottle of wine later, Petra stares at her virtual brick wall. She has writer’s block. In fortuitous timing, JR swings by to dissuade her client from publishing a lifestyle book while she’s being investigated FOR MURDER.

Petra babbles on and on about Jane and JR comes to the conclusion that Petra is in love with Jane. She shows more emotion toward Jane than her own dead sister. Petra lets her guard down, JR tiptoes right in, and Petra promises to give her the blueprints. (PS: I love that JR calls Petra by the name of Peter.)

Petra waltzes into Jane’s house the next day, ignoring the canceled family brunch, and has a nice moment on the porch by the swing that doesn’t move. Jane is Petra’s moral compass and she needs her in her life. This isn’t about Rafael. Then she gets the brilliant idea for Jane to ghost write her memoir. Once the price is high enough, Jane agrees. All is right with the world.

Is it? Is it ALL right? Rafael and Jane aren’t together. They wallow in “it’s complicated” like it’s their jobs. Why would we want them to go back to being friends and family? Who said this was the right thing to do? Not me!

Hallelujah for the last shot of the episode! Jane and Rafael make out like teenagers in a car, promising each other that this was the only way they could get some alone time to figure things out. Here’s hoping the secret rendezvous are as hot as the car make out sesh!

Episode Recaps

Jane the Virgin
A telenovela adaptation, Jane the Virgin tells the story of Jane Villanueva, a virgin who is accidentally inseminated during a routine checkup.
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