Is there such a thing as happily ever after for Jane?

By Lincee Ray
May 15, 2017 at 10:00 PM EDT
Everett White/The CW
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Once upon a time, a little girl named Jane Villanueva believed in fairy tales. Today, Jane is mature enough to know that “happily ever after” looks differently for everyone. As she reads a bedtime story to Mateo, Jane has no problem altering the traditional facts of Cinderella and Prince Charming to something a little more realistic. Sure, that glass slipper fit, but life doesn’t always work out perfectly. Marriage takes work!

Do you know what else takes work? Planning a wedding. That’s why Xo and Rogelio have entrusted their giant notebook to infamous wedding planners Jean-Luc. The lavender monstrosity is full of ceremony ideas, including dove vendors, firework specifications, photos of white horses pulling a carriage, and sparkling tiaras. Jane is completely surprised to learn that Xo wants a full-on, white-poofy-dress fairy tale wedding. And she wants it in two weeks.

As the maid of honor, Jane is happy to manage all of the details. First she just has to break up with Fabian, who has become a little clingy after their fling, and then have brunch with Rafael, Petra, and the girls. No problem.

Only there is a problem. Petra still hasn’t given Rafael an answer after his declaration of love. Rafael begs Jane to intervene, but Jane vows not to get in the middle. Worst brunch ever. When Petra asks Jane for her opinion, the one time Jane refuses to give it, Petra looks defeated. Jane remains tight lipped, even though she thinks a Rafael and Petra reunion is a horrible idea.

Later that day, Jean and Luc (twins) arrive at the house. Jane plays hostess while her parents are on their way to the appointment. The snobby French brothers are horrified to learn that Xo wants a fairy tale wedding, but Jane reminds them that the bride can do whatever she wants. Jean (or is it Luc?) confesses that Xo is too old and would look “ah-ridiculous” in a princess gown. Jane refuses to concede, and the boys exit in a huff, unwilling to attach their name to the nuptials.

When Xo and Rogelio learn about Jean-Luc’s departure, Jane offers to step in. As long as she has the huge lavender notebook to use as a guide, she can organize and negotiate with the best of them. Who cares if white horses are hard to come by? If Xo wants white horses, Xo will get white horses.

Petra arrives in the middle of the planning frenzy and forces Jane to help her figure out the Rafael situation. She is Petra’s only friend, and Jane has to interfere, because according to Xo’s bridal magazine, Petra and and Rafael are doomed. Once again, Jane remains silent as Petra drones on and on about how terrible she and Rafael were once upon a time. Moreover, they have a pretty good thing going on! It’s like a “happily ever after” without the relationship part. It works! Jane finally speaks up, agreeing with Petra.

As Rafael’s dreams of hooking back up with Petra fade away, he receives a message from his assistant that his sister is calling at 2:30. Raf runs off abruptly. Why all the fuss? Well, remember when Chuck saw a woman walking on the beach the night Scott was murdered? According to the sketch artist, the woman is Eileen! Luisa’s girlfriend! Also known as Sin Rostro! Hello, wicked stepmother.

Rafael runs to the police station. He attempts to keep Luisa on the phone as long as he can, but the cops are unable to trace the call. Luisa struggles with the guilt of not being there for Rafael, but Rose assures Luisa that Rafael is working for the cops. They simply can’t go back to Miami.

Meanwhile, Jane continues to work on her mother’s wedding plans, no matter how ah-ridiculous they seem. As she fights with her father on set about lavender wedding cakes, Rogelio finds it odd when Jane uses his body to block herself from Fabian’s sight. Uh oh. It seems that Rogelio invited Fabian to the wedding because he thought Jane was in a relationship with his coworker. The good news is that Rogelio is sure the lavender scroll remains in Fabian’s dressing room unopened.

Jane rushes to retrieve the medieval invitation, but her plans are thwarted when Fabian walks in. Jane decides to come clean as Fabian starts to take his shirt off for a little afternoon delight. Just as she’s about to break up with him, Jane spies a movie poster on the wall. It’s Fabian on a white horse. Bonus: He’s best friends with the “horsey’s” trainer. White horse dilemma solved! The breakup can wait until after the noble steeds are securely attached to an enchanting carriage.

Who cares if Jane is using Fabian to get what she wants? It’s for the greater good. It’s for the fairy tale! Unfortunately, she forgets to clue in Rogelio on the new plans. When Fabian sulks at some “heartbreaking news,” Rogelio has no idea his partner is sad because his shirtless scene has been cut. (That makes me sad, too.) Rogelio assumes Fabian is reeling from the breakup. Fabian quickly turns into our villain, determined to sabotage the prince from his perfect wedding. Cue Jane standing in an open field, void of white horses.

Fabian isn’t the only one with sabotage on his mind. When Petra tells Rafael she doesn’t want to start a relationship with him, Rafael gives Jane a piece of his mind. Jane reminds Rafael that he asked her to intervene. All she did was sit there and listen as Petra ticked off all the reasons she shouldn’t get together with Rafael. Jane simply agreed with her. She tells Rafael that she doesn’t think it’s a good idea. The sting turns to shock when he receives a call from his oncologist.

Later, Petra overhears Rafael calling someone, sharing that his cancer is back. Petra sneaks away, devastated, just as Rafael turns to a cop. He’s just set some pretty tempting bait for his sister. The question is, will Rose join her on the mainland or not?

Back at the telenovela set, Jane finally admits to Fabian that she used him to secure white horses. She asks that he not blame her dad, but when Fabian calls Jane a “heartless slut,” Rogelio vows to defend his daughter’s honor with a fist fight in the backlot. No hitting in the face, obviously. Or hair.

Jane pushes her way into the middle of the fight and calms both men down. When Fabian sneakily tries to punch Rogelio in the jaw, Jane deflects his fist and right hooks him directly in the nose. See? Cinderella doesn’t need a man in her life. She just needs to take a few boxing classes.

In other news, Petra confronts Rafael. She lays into him for not telling her that his cancer is back. When he explains that it was a trap for Luisa, she tears up and hugs him tight. The happy duo collect the twins and head to the school for their end-of-the-year performance. Naturally, the twins play Prince Charming and Cinderella. Mateo is a mouse. Even though Rafael apologizes for attacking Jane earlier, Jane can clearly see that Petra and Rafael belong together. They are perfectly matched and equally happy. The handsome prince. The blond princess. The darling twins. She and Mateo are discards.

Xo is a discard, too. When Rogelio calls to say he can’t make the bachelor/bachelorette party, Xo cancels the entire thing. Instead of dancing and celebrating her new life, she gets drunk with her MOH. As the night and the tequila shots go on, Xo helps Jane realize that she is jealous of Petra and Rafael. If they are a happy family, where does that leave Jane? The therapy session comes to an abrupt close when the Prince Charming stripper knocks on the door.

Rogelio arrives shortly after (awkward) with a sweeping grand gesture. He escorts Xo outside, where a carriage awaits. With two miniature white horses. He also has some good news: Ricky Martin can officiate their wedding! They are livin’ la vida loca.

Upstairs, drunk Jane calls Rafael. She admits that she is afraid of Rafael and Petra working out, which would leave her and Mateo on the outside looking in. Rafael assures Jane that she and Mateo will never be on the outside. He won’t let that happen. When he thinks of family, he sees Jane’s face. He loves her. So much.

That’s when Jane’s heart starts to glow. As a big-time shipper of Jane and Rafael, I am all over this moment.

Naturally, Petra has to kill my love buzz. She calls to ask Jane to “talk her down” from liking Rafael. A very brave Jane instructs Petra to go for it with Rafael. She addresses Petra’s fear, noting that those are called FEELINGS, before clicking back over to Rafael, instructing him to go see Petra right now.

Someone knocks on the door as Jane holds her phone. I may have stood up and cheered — but it’s her parents asking her to marry them on their big day. Double disappointment. Not only was I hoping Rafael was on the other side of the door, but now Ricky Martin isn’t going to be at the wedding.

Jane agrees to officiate while Rafael makes out with Petra at her place. To quote Jean-Luc, this is ah-ridiculous.

It would seem that most are living happily ever after at this point. Well, maybe not Sin Rostro and Luisa, who have just been stopped by the cops as they enter the hotel. Will the wickedest stepmother conjure her way out of this unfortunate situation? We shall see.

A telenovela adaptation, Jane the Virgin tells the story of Jane Villanueva, a virgin who is accidentally inseminated during a routine checkup.
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  • 10/13/14
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