'Jane the Virgin' recap: 'Chapter 34'
Will Jane do the deed with Professor Chavez -- or will she decide against it?
Will she or won’t she? That was the big question tonight on “Chapter 34,” which saw Jane decide to lose her V-card to sexy Professor Chavez. It’s no small decision and a huge part of Jane’s identity – I mean, the show takes its name from its heroine’s resolution not to have sex — but in typical fashion, the show tackled it with a ton of humor in a very topsy-turvy sequence of events.
First things first: It’s hard to imagine anyone being able to resist someone as cute as Professor Hottie. And though Jane has an active imagination and a tendency to romanticize — as we’re reminded by a flashback when Michael admirably didn’t freak out when Jane stopped him mid-makeout with an announcement about saving herself for marriage — she’s actually done a pretty good job of convincing herself that a potential fling with Chavez would be just that. This might come as a bit of a surprise to fans, but as Jane tells Xo, she’s feeling “open.”
With that, Jane decides it’s time to get her Marvin Gaye on and at dinner, she’s super flirty with Jonathan. There’s ton of hand touching, eyelash batting and there’s little doubt that he’s totally into her. They differ pretty significantly on some major issues, such as Jonathan going on a two-year sabbatical to Thailand at the end of the school year, something Jane would never consider. But their chemistry outweighs any of that other stuff. They’re all giggles and kisses; and it’s not until a server informs them that the restaurant is closing that they come up for air. “Come back to my place,” suggests Jonathan. Jane says no — hard to get, way to play the game, girl! — which results in an invitation for dinner at his place the following evening. While we have no idea what he’s planning to make, one thing’s for sure: Sex will definitely be on the table.
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The next morning at home, Jane’s all aglow when she’s rehashing her date with Xo. She comes up with a game plane for the night (yes to sex, no to telling Jonathan that it’s her first time) but quickly clams up when abuela approaches. Though the two are close, Jane just can’t bring herself to tell her grandma that she’s going to break the vow she made all those years ago. Can you blame her, though? It’s not like you’d want to hear stories about wilted white roses and guilt and blah blah blah when you’re focused on getting it with the dude from Magic Mike.
With a free afternoon before her all-important date, Jane goes to lunch with Petra. It’s not purely out of the goodness of her heart, since Rafael has confided to Jane that he thinks Petra needs a hand when it comes to navigating the big bad world of baby stuff and mommyhood. Jane obliges, though by the looks of their lunch at the hotel, maybe putting the two of them together wasn’t one of Raf’s best ideas. You see, Jane and Petra are like oil and water (note here, that show was adorably clever in having Jane order water and Petra, olive oil). Whether discussing gliders or night nurses, Petra comes across as snobby and Jane appears just the tiniest big judgy.
NEXT: Dress off, shirt off — it’s officially on
Before long, these two get into it — as in raised voices and accusations — and lunch is officially over. Petra goes off to complain to Rafael, who confesses to his plan, and Jane, vents to abuela. Thank God for grandmas!
Upset as she might be over her confrontation with Petra, Jane’s determine to have a fun night with Jonathan. For the first course, he served up homemade pasta and for the second course there was a juicy serving of sexy kisses. Before long, things move from the dinner table to the couch, where, as the narrator says, we’re given a crash course in “what we call chemistry.” But before things progress much further beyond the dress half off stage, Jonathan has a confession: Jane is the first woman he’s been with since his divorce. “No big deal,” says Jane.
Jonathan’s confession might not have provoked further reaction from Jane, but a big vase of beautiful roses just within eyesight reminds her of the promise she made to her grandmother. “You know what else isn’t a big deal? You’re my first. I’m a virgin,” Jane blurts out. What a mood killer, amirite? No amount of convincing can persuade Jonathan to do the deed, and with that, Jane buttons up her dress and leaves.
Back at home, Xo is raiding the fridge and mulling over the idea of freezing her eggs. While the subject of kids hasn’t proved a deal breaker when it comes to Rogelio, he suggested she freeze her eggs — and she tells Jane and abuela all about it. She’s definitely on the fence, as she should be. It’s a huge decision!
The next day sees Jane return to the hotel to make peace with Petra, who hasn’t responded to any of her calls or messages. At this point, all Jane wants is a response about whether she should serve tea sandwiches at Petra’s shower — because Jane wants to make good on a promise she made to host a gathering for Petra — but Petra goes on the offensive. “Jane, just spare me,” she says, before revealing that she and Rafael shared a kiss last week. But Jane doesn’t give Petra the reaction one might expect; whatever animosity they have isn’t about Rafael, it’s merely about their personalities clashing.
That said, Jane goes up to the penthouse to ask Rafael about the kiss. “I still love you, I do. I’m sorry that I lied to you,” he says. “It’s just that we were in such a good place and I want to get back to that.” At this, Jane finally sticks a fork in it: She’s done. “My feelings changed,” she shares. “I don’t know when, but they changed and that’s why we aren’t together.” And with that, Rafael suddenly realizes what his sister Luisa had been trying to convey in an earlier scene when she apologized for communicating with Rose. Letting go is hard — and sometimes it’s a matter of sheer strength over will.
It’s somewhat fortunate that Jane doesn’t have time to mull over what she said to Raf: She has a baby shower to attend to! It’s worth noting that Petra doesn’t show up till Jane personally goes to her room to get her, and after a dose of brutal honesty – where Jane reveals that the reason she wants to make an effort with Petra is because she wants Mateo to grow up in a bigger, more close-knit family that she did — the shower goes swimmingly. (Even if attended by a group of Petra’s “friends” that consists of some acquaintances from yoga and a woman who works the front desk.)
NEXT: Rose makes a rare appearance
Later that evening, Jane gets a surprise text from Jonathan, who hopes things aren’t “weird” between the two of them. Things move from friendly to flirty really fast, and before you can type “text dirty to me,” pantless Jane hops into the car and is heading over to Jonathan’s house when she’s pulled over by a cop. The cop reminds her of Michael, but no matter: Jane wants what she wants and continues onto Jonathan’s house. At Jonathan’s, things are escalating quickly – maybe too quickly, since Jane bursts into tears just seconds after he rips open a condom. “I really want to do this,” she tells him. “I just need to blow my nose.” Lies, Jane, lies! Despite her intentions, Jane just can’t pop her cherry with Jonathan and returns home. There, on the couch over novelas, abuela asks Jane about whether she’s changed her mind about sex and drops a big reveal: She had sex with someone before she married Jane’s grandfather. Back then, abuela was judged but she won’t judge Jane, she says. “God might, but that’s between you and him.”
Xo wasn’t part of the conversation because she’s on set with Rogelio, who’s filming an arc on his telenovela as history’s “first male feminist.” Once the scene ends though, Xo comes clean. “I don’t want to do this,” she tells him. She loves being a grandma, but she doesn’t want children. Before Rogelio can react though, she returns the beautiful ring he gave her and leaves. Rogelio acts the way anyone in his position would: He drinks red wine from his own vintage (Rogelio Wine is apparently a thing) and watches his old Scientology auditing sessions on tape. We see that 10 years ago, Xo was first and foremost on his mind — he even told his old pen pal, Lola all about it. Some interesting details about Lola: She was one of his best friends and at the time of Rogelio’s auditing session, was serving a 10-year sentence, which just happens to be up on Feb. 22, 2016. This information is too odd to be inconsequential… could there be a link between Lola and Sin Rostro/Rose?
Speaking of Rose, things got really crazy really fast when Michael hatched up a plan that had Luisa fake a car accident so that Rose would visit her in the hospital. Rose did, and just when it looked like Susanna would be able to arrest her no problem, Rose kicked things up a notch by telling her that her associates on the ground would kill Susanna’s family immediately if she did anything other than escort Rose out of the hospital unharmed. Insane, right? And that’s not even the half of it: Susanna was shot during a struggle with Rose over her gun, and for a moment, it seemed as though Michael had lost yet again. That is, until he found Rose strangled by blue silk ties in a hospital hallway. Looks like Mutter got to Rose before Michael did!
Though the matter of Mutter is still a big mystery, Rose’s death comes as a huge relief to Michael and he rushes to Jane’s house. Why, you might ask? Well, to declare his undying love for Jane forever-n-ever. You guys, this is a moment I’ve been waiting for all season, all sweetness and light between Jane and her true love. “Rose is dead, she can’t ever hurt you or Mateo… I had to push you away, but its over now,” says Michael. “You are safe, Jane, and I love you. I’ve always loved you.” With this Jane gets all misty-eyed — in all honesty, so did I — because she loves him, too. Aww!
Burning questions, stray observations, and memorable one-liners:
- Can I get a big yasss for all those fun scenes where Jane was basically gnawing at Jonathan’s lips like they were a big ole’ steak? Juicy!
- “I love you,” Michael to Jane. For all you #TeamMichael shippers, this is everything and an ooey, gooey grilled cheese sandwich.
- Extra points for having abuela bring God into her conversation about sex with Jane – because if there’s one thing Hispanic grandmothers do well, it’s striking fear of baby Jesus into their grandkids’ hearts.
- How cool was it that finally — finally! — Michael was able to take Rose down? There’s just the small matter of how Mutter figures into this… What’s your take?
- “I’m an open book. In fact, I give you my unauthorized biography.” —Rogelio to Xo
- And how about this line, a.k.a. romance according to Rogelio? “Be my wife… I’d rather have you than some hypothetical, genetically blessed kid.”
- There’s also this gem, which he delivered on set as the #FirstMaleFeminist. “The women deserve the right to vote, and I am just the man to make it happen.”
- Also, are we surprised that Rogelio was once a gigolo?
- Petra wants precisely the same pram that Kate Middleton has. Because, why not?
Jane fans, what do you think lies ahead for our heroine? With things finally over between she and Rafael, could the path be clear for a happily ever after with Michael? What do you think about Mutter’s role in the episode’s events?