iZombie recap: Fifty Shades of Grey Matter
Is it hot in here? It’s like they injected iZombie with a bunch of horny teens. On tonight’s episode, Liv’s in the mood for love, simply because anyone is near her. Literally anyone: as evidenced by an ass slap for Ravi, a back stroke for Clive, and a full-on, throw-me-on-the-table makeout sesh with hunka hunka burning zombie, Drake. (Interestingly enough, no love for Major.) When she slurps the brains of young librarian romance novelist Grace — okay, fine, an erotica writer who’s basically the next E.L. James — Liv gets hot and bothered to the max. (And not just because she’s listened to Kristen Bell reading Grace’s audiobook Upright Position.) But it seems she’s not the only one can’t keep it in her pants.
Blaine and Peyton have been logging some serious overtime hours as he becomes more and more of a crucial informant for the Stacey Boss case. That is, when he’s not ratting out bad guys to help his cause. Blaine’s plan to unseat The Boss is starting to ruffle a few thug feathers as local dealers’ stash houses get raided. But a late-night meeting, a bottle of booze, some A+ flirting, and a very comfy looking couch lead to the Blaine and Peyton hookup — let’s be honest — that we all saw coming.
Even though Peyton is taking the highway to the Danger Zone, I’m still glad she’s back in action. The show has a little more zip when she’s onscreen, and though Gilda and Dale have their moments, Peyton is the only other female character who truly sparkles and kicks Liv’s energy up a notch. The good news is that she’s now got her own B-plot, so Peyton isn’t going anywhere for a while!
The bad news? We haven’t really addressed the fact that Zombie-ism could very well be an STD. It certainly was a concern for Blaine and Liv, so much so that they broke up partly because of the stress of their sex life. Seems like everyone’s dancing around the issue — but Peyton and Blaine’s horizontal dance is the real situation. Given Blaine’s countdown back to the undead, and the poor white rat, should we be worried? I would not want to be around when Ravi finds out.
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Speaking of zombie sex, Drake comes to see Liv for a little undead Q&A, and she gives him the breakdown of zombie rage while ogling his gun show. “Just say when,” he flirts. Cut to their hot and heavy dinner date. Mid-makeout they agree to take it slow, even though Liv’s “porny librarian” visions are taking her to the brink of…something.
Major, however, is on the brink of disaster. Clive and Dale start tracking the GPS of Minor, a.k.a. the cute dog Major the Zombie Slayer swiped from one of his victims, but before they can find him, Major chugs a can of the new and improved Max Rager (which can not end well) and races to foil their plans. So, basically, everyone’s getting it on except Ravi and Major. “Have you guys ever wrestled?” Liv asks at one point. “If you do wrestle, film it.” Maybe there’s a chance for the two of these gents, after all!
NEXT: Peyton finds out the truth
After Clive and Dale find out Blaine’s true identity — and who his missing father is — they’re one degree away from separating him from his cushy life when Peyton strolls in and drops the Immunity bomb on them. “This is on you,” Clive says, as they let Blaine go free. Poor Peyton, she finally catches a break — and a new beau and a B-plot! — only to have Liv tell her all the awful things Blaine has done to the people they love: turned Liv into a zombie, murdered some homeless teenagers, almost killed her brother, and on and on.
So, you’re a big shot prosecutor who has your best friend and your best life back, and suddenly you realize you had sex with the most vile person anyone can think of, what’s your first thought? “You don’t really know anyone at all,” you say, breaking out of your BFF’s embrace and wiping away tears.
Cut to Liv, slowly walking into her bedroom. “Everything okay?” says a presumably naked Drake curled up in her bed. Oh, no. Everything is definitely not okay.
Liv: Ravi figured it out, and he’s super desperate for an Atta boy.
Clive: Atta boy.
I love love love love loved the little homage to Veronica Mars. As Liv picks up the iPod to listen to Grace’s novel, she says: “The Upright Position as read by Kristen Bell. I’ve always felt a sort of connection to her.” Awwwww. The Thomas-verse knows no bounds.
Liv: Honey, I’m home. [Looks at his butt, slaps it.] I’ve been a bad morgue attendant; I’ll understand if there are punitive measures.
Ravi: Liv, did you eat a librarian in a porno?
Ravi: Think about something sacred like your mom or something gross like Margaret Thatcher. What do American boys think about?
Liv: Baseball, I guess.
“He’s got these thick biceps that stretch the cottony limits of his T-shirt.” —Liv
“It sounded like a man who’s never used this app in his life trying to mansplain.” —Dale
“I didn’t ask if you’d ever been arrested. I asked if you’d ever been handcuffed… I roofied you with horny librarian brain.” —Liv
“We can’t all look like we were created in a lab by 14-year-old boys, can we?” —Blaine to Peyton
“I should head home and take a Silkwood shower” —Peyton