McCranda's final-four deal is already paying off, as Aaryn does their bidding
The “house unity” that has led to a predictable string of unanimous votes on this summer’s Big Brother had to come to an end at some point, and it looks like the line has been drawn in the sand between the various “power duos” (it might be time for Andy and Spencer to consider a redhead alliance, since they’re the only ones not paired up at the moment). But at the start of Sunday’s episode, before that line is drawn, everyone seems pretty proud of themselves, even if there’s nothing to be proud of.
We, of course, begin with Amanda congratulating herself for being solely responsible for Jessie’s eviction — even though she has yet to win a single competition. Spencer, meanwhile, pats himself on the back for being on the block five times and surviving five times — which just means he’s the weakest of the weak links. Congrats!
And just when Andy’s tears had finally dried up after Judd’s surprise eviction last week, the outgoing Head of Household turns on the waterworks yet again as Jessie walks out the door. Really? Over Jessie? I understand the Judd depression; you’re losing the comic relief, most likable person, AND best nature-photography fashion all in one fell swoop. But with Jessie, you’re losing the highest-pitched voice, the most desperate for showmance, and… well, that’s pretty much it.
When it comes time to crown a new HoH, something happens that could only happen on Big Brother: I actually rooted for AARYN to win something. Granted, she went head-to-head with Amanda, and that is how truly unlikable a player Amanda has become. (Please talk me off this ledge, because I know how genuinely terrible Aaryn is as a person, whereas Amanda is just an annoying game player. Or maybe they’re both terrible. Yeah, that’s probably it.) And look who’s celebrating the loudest — good-old GinaMarie, who went around waking the whole house up to tell them how terrible Aaryn was just last week. Yup, they’re just like sisters. Really evil sisters with peroxide coursing through their veins.
Meanwhile, Amanda has to make it all about her (again), wailing, “I can’t win ANYTHING.” Actually, the most charming thing about her might just be how awful she is at competitions. But any goodwill immediately dissipates when she turns the whole thing around on McCrae again, chastising him for not trusting Aaryn (good instinct, bro) and accusing him of “rubbing it in” that she can’t win. Well, he should know, since this showmance has made McCrae all too familiar with being in a “no-win” situation.
And like any grown woman would do in her situation, Amanda runs and hides. Literally. Behind a recycling bin. Seriously, 3-year-olds are better at hide-and-seek than she is. She really is terrible at competitions.
NEXT: Helen sweet-talks Aaryn; GinaMarie expands her cultural horizons But let’s move on to people with their heads in the game: Helen pep-talk alert! She lays this one on thick, telling Aaryn that people at home probably LOVE her (um, no), what a BRIGHT girl she is (double no), and how HUMBLE she has become (just no). And when it seems like she might be overdoing it, cut to an Aaryn voice-over talking about how cool and awesome Helen is. I guess people will believe what they want to believe.
Amanda is now out from behind the recycling bin (I guess she had to re-emerge at some point), and her first order of business is to convince the bright and humble Aaryn to nominate the cool and awesome Helen, along with Helen’s closest ally, Elissa. Andy even gets in on the action, cheering on the “big move”… days after he wasted his entire HoH on Spencer and Jessie. (Oh man, I’m feeling more sympathy toward Aaryn. Please keep those comments coming about why there are much better, more appropriate emotions to feel about Aaryn.)
Now that they have their targets in mind, it’s time for 3 A.M. to take part in the frattiest ritual of all Big Brother alliances: assigning individual nicknames. Amanda is The Mastermind (except for when it comes to any and all competitions), Andy is The Agent (we’re guessing that’s because of his Agent Orange hair color), Aaryn is The Beast (no arguments here), and McCrae is The Enforcer (he doesn’t know why either).
When it’s time for the house to see Aaryn’s 27th HoH room, Elissa doesn’t have it in her to fake a smile. And after the dog-and-pony show (actually, Aaryn’s latest suite was more of a goat-and-sheep show), Elissa tells Helen she can’t bring herself to try to sweet-talk Aaryn into keeping her safe. She just flat-out doesn’t like her and doesn’t agree with her actions in the house. Who would have guessed that the least fake person in the house would be the sister of Rachel Reilly?
Political consultant Helen doesn’t seem to understand Elissa’s moral high ground, and — Helen pep-talk alert! — begins her best speech about how the competition is better than the jury house. At this point, Elissa lets it slip that she has no plans to sit tight in the jury house; she’ll just go home. This really doesn’t sit right with cutthroat game player Helen. She goes crying to the HoH room about how she’s losing a vote at the end. Yes, your fellow players are probably really sympathetic to you losing a jury vote.
GinaMarie once again takes things from zero to Staten Island in 10 seconds flat by saying Elissa has always had a “stick up her ass” and jumping down Spencer’s throat for defending her, when all poor Spencer said was that maybe she was having a bad day. How dare you suggest someone is having a bad day! Who do you think you are, Daniel Powter? (2005 burn!)
This week’s Have/Have-Not competition is like an episode of Ghost Hunters crossed with Wipeout. Which means it was awesome. The teams entered a pitch-black room covered in slime and booby-traps in search of a key. Since there are absolutely zero stakes for TV viewers when it comes to the Have/Have-Not contests, it’s super fun to see Aaryn get slimed when she opens a trap door. So it was actually good for something.
But we didn’t need to see the results to know who won — it was the team that didn’t have Amanda on it! Which means she, along with the unlucky ladies who were randomly selected for her team (GM, Helen, and Elissa), are sleeping airport-style this week.
Fellow Have-Nots Helen and GinaMarie had time for a hot-tub bonding sesh following the competition, and for some reason, Helen thought GM could handle a deep conversation about her Korean-American parents and the challenges they faced coming to the U.S. I’ll just hit you with the “highlights”:
HIGHLIGHT NO. 1
GinaMarie: “I’m from Staten Island, a.k.a. Staten Italy. Ya know, we got a lotta Italians out there. I really don’t meet too many, ya know, Koreans.”
HIGHLIGHT NO. 2
Helen: “When the Korean War broke out, my dad was able to escape to South Korea.”
HIGHLIGHT NO. 3
Helen: “Growing up for me, it was tough. My mom didn’t speak English. I think she gets really self-conscious about it.”
GM: “It’d be hard. It’s almost like you’re in a different country, kind of.”
God bless Helen for trying (and the sound editors for the spot-on musical cues throughout their chat).
And speaking of trying, Elissa decides to plead her case to Aaryn — even though their “value systems” are so different. Apparently, those values include the value of a good yoga mat. But it’s pretty clear that Elissa is going up regardless. The question is: Who will sit next to her?
Well, even though she’s one of the “greatest people” Aaryn has ever met (a.k.a. she constantly compliments Aaryn), Helen ends up on the block too. So who’s going home this week, BB fans? And how infuriating is it that Amanda actually seems to have as much power as she thinks she does (grrrr)? Share all your thoughts about Sunday’s episode below!
Follow Katie on Twitter: @ktatkinson.