Credit: Ron P. Jaffe/Fox
''Um. Why is Jon Cryer in NPH's spot?" says commenter MKS. ''How can the Emmys ignore Barney's tear-jerking yet touchingly funny journey with his reunion…

Last week, Craig Thomas told me that we’d learn the names of Ted’s children in Monday’s episode, and as promised, the mystery was solved! The twist? That’s not the only big reveal in “Unpause.”

And we have an extremely drunk Barney to thank for that…

You see, just hours before Barney and Robin’s wedding, the gang was hanging out in the hotel bar getting their bonding on and getting pretty drunk in the process. As time ticked away, the group soon thinned out, with Marshall and Lily excusing themselves so they could go upstairs and “unpause” their epic fight over Marshall’s new judgeship, which, you’ll recall, he took without consulting Lily. Thus, Ted, Robin, and a very drunk Barney were left to entertain themselves, which turned out to be easier than they thought after they realized Barney had just reached a new level of drunkenness, one which they dubbed Truth Serum Drunk. (The previous highest level was Jabba Drunk.)

That’s when the secrets began to fly.

+ Bryan Adams makes Barney cry!

+ “I got thrown out trying to stretch a single into a double.” — Barney describing to Ted what happened with Ted’s mother, in baseball terms.

+ Barney and Robin WILL have a ring bearER, Truth Barney assured Robin. His name is Trevor Hudson, and he’s adorable….Later, we learned that Trevor is also a bear. Natch.

+ Barney spends “one crapload” every year on suits. Crapload = a lot of money

+ Robin is massively wealthy — 6000 craploads wealthy

But arguably the biggest reveal? That Barney earns “16 craploads” a year working for Greg, the man who once took his girlfriend! You remember Greg, who we first learned about in “Game Night,” the 15th episode of the first season. He’s the guy who made Barney turn into the man he is today — literally. And Barney’s job? PLEASE. No, seriously. As Greg explained it when Barney applied with the company years ago, Barney’s sole task was to “Provide Legal Exculpation and Sign Everything.” So Barney, in a way, has been telling us the answer all along. Clever.

Learning Barney’s “job,” though, concerned Ted and Robin, who told Barney that he had basically been signing documents that would make him the fall guy for the company. This was not news to Barney, however. In fact, it was all part of his plan. Future Ted explained that months after the wedding, Barney revealed to Greg that he had been working with the Feds the entire time and that everyone at the company who had done a bad deed was getting busted. It was the ultimate revenge. (Note: I wonder what Barney did for a living after that. Assuming he needed to work. His wife is loaded, after all…)

All this unraveled as Marshall and Lily were upstairs postponing their fight once again with a little adult activity. Marshall had hoped that his skills in bed would result in a tiring all-night session that would leave Lily unable to fight, and, good going Marshall, it worked. But his efforts to bang his wife to sleep were wasted when he accidentally woke her from her slumber, at which time she declared an “unpause.”

We’ve basically been waiting all season to see this showdown, and it was as explosive as you’d expect. Lily stood her ground on Italy, as I’d hoped she would, but things turned ugly when Marshall called her art a “hobby.” And when she called him selfish, he brought up San Francisco. He even went as far as to passive aggressively ask if he and Marvin were her “consolation prize” for not making it in the art world. Low blow, Marshall.

Lily didn’t stick around long after that and called someone to pick her up from the hotel. (Nothing good happens after 2 A.M., as we know.) Who? We’ll find out next week, I’m sure. Until then, I welcome your guesses.

The episode ended on a happier note, luckily. After we saw Lily hop into the mysterious car, we flashed forward in time to Ted and The Mother, who walked out of the hotel in a rush…because The Mother was in labor! “Penny” was looking forward to having a big brother, Ted told her, as the group (Ted, baby Penny, The Mother and The Mother’s belly) piled into a car.

Nothing good happens after 2 A.M, Future Ted said, but there’s exceptions to every rule. That night, the exception was named Luke. (Awwwww. The Mother let him have Luke — as in Skywalker, I’m assuming.)

Thoughts on the episode?

Episode Recaps

''Um. Why is Jon Cryer in NPH's spot?" says commenter MKS. ''How can the Emmys ignore Barney's tear-jerking yet touchingly funny journey with his reunion…
How I Met Your Mother

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