Thirteen has to get past some childhood guilt as she moves forward with her clinical trials, Kutner and Taub learn to never try to pull one over on House, while the man himself reminds Cuddy why she can't trust him with her heart
Hugh Laurie, House, ...
Credit: Adam Taylor/FOX
''Idiots are fun; no wonder every village wants one.'' Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), House Submitted by bono
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‘House’ recap: Working it out

How come I never get the “Cake” prescription for whatever ails me but the lying fitness guru who came out as a gastric bypass surgery patient got to eat fat and sugar to cure her illness (even though she chose a pill option instead)? Because life is unfair, of course.

Last night’s episode of House featured a lot of unfairness deals. Cuddy found it completely unfair that House hurt her office during the hostage siege, which meant it needed renovation, and so she camped out in his space and cramped his style. House retaliated by giving her work environment a hostile makeover. This silly repartee reminded me of a bad ’80s movie where couples don’t get along, like the Tom Hanks and Shelly Long gem (kidding) The Money Pit or Danny DeVito and Bette Midler’s Ruthless People (though I remember liking that film). House and Cuddy just need to play doctor with each other already so we can get on with some kind of direction for this show. I do think it would be interesting for this ol’ House scenario to move on a little bit faster. Instead I feel tricked into watching a whole season waiting for this drawn out hookup between Cuddy and her soon to be biggest regret.

Princeton-Plainsboro’s Doctor Boss Lady got a huge dose of pain administered to her heart when she witnessed House and the tattooed actress — whom he hired to catch Kutner and Taub impersonating their boss on the Internet — flirting in his office. I suffered a huge dose of annoyance when the “lime in da coconut” song was injected into my brain, where it is now stuck in a hopefully impermanent loop. Thanks. At any rate, Dr. Cuddy sashayed away quite sadly from the object of her infatuation. She said nothing, but if this scene came with subtitles it would read “ouch.”

More “life is unfair” themes were explored as Thirteen continued with her drug trials for the treatment of Huntington’s disease. We learned that when she was actually around 13 years old, her mother was severely disabled by the same disease, and that Mama Thirteen was also a very mean woman. Thirteen hated her mother and never said goodbye. We witnessed Dad’s repeated disappointment over his kid’s actions, which evolved into a grownup’s regret. Too sad.

NEXT: Kutner’s side business

There was some great evil fun banter between Cuddy and House, and even Taub, tonight — examples of the kind of writing that makes me love the characters for their wit and the writers for their skills at the keyboard.

When his team asked what Cuddy was doing in his office, House quipped, “other than throwing off the feng shui with her ass that faces all eight sides of the bagua.” I laughed here even though I had no idea what a bagua was at the time.

Taub was also similarly on word fire this episode as he dealt with the gastric bypass patient whose hypocrisy disgusted our petite philandering plastic surgeon, who apparently forgot his own shady past. Taub, bedpan in hand, needed a stool specimen from his charge and told her to “put some of what you’re full of in here.” Taub considered his patient a cheat since she posed as a fitness guru who advocated healthy weight loss through diet and exercise, while she simply shed pounds by shrinking her stomach surgically. The formerly large patient challenged Taub’s aggressive judgment of her chunk loss regimen saying, “if surgery could somehow make you taller, would you do it?” He sniped, “Sure, but I wouldn’t call a meeting of the Lollipop Guild and tell them they could grow if they wanna.”

Nice one L’il Taub!

I did also very much enjoy the Kutner subplot which ultimately made fun of Web diagnosticians. The notion that he could commit a huge fraud with zero repercussions is another example of how this show ignores the “do no harm” bit of the Hippocratic Oath. I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV, but seriously, wouldn’t Kutner be in jail or have his medical license revoked or get kicked out of House’s stable? I admit to grinning at the idea that every doc would blackmail Kutner rather than turn him in. Still mad about the “lime in the coconut” song thing though, even if I did like the way Quentin Tarantino used this Harry Nilson novelty tune (called “Coconut”) at the end of Reservoir Dogs.

What do you think of House and Cuddy’s latest dance? What did House mean when he talked about making sacrifices for a relationship? And could Foreman be anymore stiff with that hug he gave Thirteen? Anyone worried that Foreteen won’t exactly be a hot hookup?

Episode Recaps

''Idiots are fun; no wonder every village wants one.'' Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), House Submitted by bono
Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein star in the hit medical mystery series
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