House recap: Some Thong Borrowed

When I logged on to fox.com to read this week’s House episode synopsis (rife with puns as terrible as my own) and read the patient description as ”a magician whose illness might be smoke and mirrors,” I thought, ugh, I am going to hate this one, since I vote no for all things involving clowns, mimes, or magicians (and is anyone going to fall for televised magic?).

Turns out my contempt was a premature diagnosis, because the episode cleverly used magic to make interesting points about whether it’s better to maintain mystery or learn the truth.

House is a truth seeker but not a truth teller. He says, ”People lie,” so often that he should wear the phrase on a T-shirt. Who better to illustrate that point than a trickster? Yes, I’m trying to find deeper meaning in an episode in which thong theft was a major plot point.

I’m looking forward to seeing the reality-show subplot end. I like the parts of the show where House is sleuthing, and I hate the parts where House is pretending to be Donald Trump — sending his apprentices out on dumb tasks so we can hear him say, ”You’re fired,” at the end of the episode. The ”Bring me the thong of Dr. Cuddy” task became ridiculous when Cutthroat Bitch set off the fire sprinkler in a hospital in hopes that her pantied prey would doff the doused underpants. Shouldn’t Cutthroat be in, oh I dunno, jail, for that offense? I guess it’s pointless to remind these physicians that they should cause no harm. (For fun, read the Hippocratic oath and count how many provisions are ignored in each episode.)

And yes, all of that babble is beside the point, because in this episode, the mystery was properly mysterious. I like any situation that causes Detective House to obsessively stalk answers to questions. (As he said, ”It’s way cooler to know.”) Plus, I always enjoy learning a something new, like you shouldn’t get an MRI if you have swallowed a metal object because the M stands for magnetic and the machine apparently can yank a key through your spleen.

Ouch. Lesson learned.

I also didn’t know till now (and neither did the team) that people can seem to have two blood types. And I’d never noticed that folks don’t openly chat about their Rh factor. I’m A negative. You?

Meanwhile, the subplot about whether 13 had Huntington’s chorea allowed House to demonstrate actual concern for another human being. (At least he told her he cared while violating her right to privacy.) Naturally it was fun to watch the sexual tension play out in the scene where she strapped him to the exam table and stabbed the biggest needle in the history of needles into his liver for that biopsy. So romantic.

So, buh-bye, Big Love, maybe you can try out for Celebrity Survivor. We’ve got four to go in the Project Doc competition now. I’m guessing that Kumar won’t go to White Castle because he’s a big star already and that 13 the pretty girl will get to stay because Cutthroat Bitch and Dr. Plastic Surgeon aren’t good-looking enough. Between those two, it’s anyone’s guess.

What do you think? Who do you want House to choose as his three new ducklings next week? Have you been enjoying the reality-show story arc, or are you happy to see it end?