While treating a deeply religious dying bride, everyone realizes that Wilson's new steady, Cutthroat You-Know-What, is really a female version of his best friend
''Idiots are fun; no wonder every village wants one.'' Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), House Submitted by bono
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Sorry for the delayed posting! I missed the House boat because the late night after the Super Bowl episode screwed up my timing. Luckily, my pal (and EW’s critic-at-large) Ken Tucker, who owns the best brain ever, DVR’ed this episode. So Ken and I watched House at work this morning over coffee and, um, a paper cup filled with free office water. So herewith are my watercooler thoughts to share with you and your afternoon beverage of choice.

Since it was not my TV, I found myself wondering if I was watching a Lifetime movie by mistake. There was too much mawkish music and greeting-card sentimentality going on as we learned the story of the Hasidic bride who had been a rock-industry chick before finding God and a husband and was now dying because her kidney was coming loose. I was almost sure there would be an announcement that this was a special Valentine’s Day episode, and I said to Ken, ”I feel like I’m watching a soap opera.” He said, ”Yep,” before continuing to do what he was doing. (Hey, two critics’ opinions for the price of one!) Then I squinted and thought, ”This episode reminds me of General Hospital.”

Yep, we have doctors sleeping with doctors and jealous lovers and bisexuality and bad marriages and finding God at the last minute. These Princeton Plainsboro staffers are really intimate in the workplace; I probably found it a little too much because I was watching the show at the office. We here at E Dubs must be emotionally stunted, since we just argue over movies or obsess over getting the letter X in Scrabulous.

Anyway, I find it frustrating that Cutthroat Bitch has returned in the same way that folks who are kicked off reality shows are sometimes revived. (Oh, you again, Omarosa?) Um, DNR please! And while it sure is funny that Wilson is dating the female version of House (old Gregory played the stalker girl frighteningly well), I would hate for this annoying woman to break up House and Wilson, who are my favorite TV couple.

Interesting to learn that Dr. Thirteen is bisexual, because it opens up some plot possibilities with her character, who has remained uninteresting despite her supposed deep mystery. Maybe she’ll sleep with Cutthroat Bitch too, and then we’ll have some real drama.

Kutner and Taub (sounds like a law firm) had some interesting banter this week, but I still miss the original trio. The new kids still seem very cartoonish; when Foreman and Thirteen bantered about being able to use one word to sum people up, they could easily have been talking about Taub, Kutner, Thirteen, and C.B. What’s more, Chase, Foreman, and Cameron were a little more generically good looking, so that you could imagine them ripping off their scrubs to reveal superhero costumes beneath as they flew off to fight medical mysteries.

Taub’s epiphanies regarding Judaism moved him away from being a money-hungry, superficial plastic surgeon and made him a decent foil to the aggressively atheistic House, but overall I ended up not caring about the patient (sorry) and was bored by the whole question of whether people can change. But then Cuddy told Wilson the real deal about his new GF. Wow, we do not talk to each other at work like that. House is like a big group-therapy session. (Paging Dr. Drew.)

Still, I always love the mystery-solving bits of the show, and I’m starting to remember diseases. Wegener’s! I remember Wegener’s! [Thanks for the catch, readers!] But after Sunday night’s deep-freeze episode and all its inventive diagnostic and treatment methods, getting pumped full of regular saline or getting a plain old machine MRI seemed kind of dull.

What do you think? Post below!

Episode Recaps

''Idiots are fun; no wonder every village wants one.'' Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), House Submitted by bono
Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein star in the hit medical mystery series
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