On ''The Hills,'' Lauren tries to hold her tongue as Audrina dates a questionable guy; meanwhile, Heidi paints over that mural

By Lindsay Soll
September 10, 2007 at 04:00 AM EDT
Jeff Lipsky
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”The Hills”: Meeting Audrina’s jerk

After last week’s discussion over Spencer’s awkward and very untraditional proposal to Heidi (not only on this message board, but pretty much all over the Internet, everyone assumed that the ring was a fake), it was a little surprising to see Heidi prancing around the Bolthouse offices flaunting the ”rock” and talking weddings with her coworker Elodie. She did mention she was about to have ”a panic attack thinking about, like, planning a wedding,” but honestly, that’s probably because she all of a sudden realized she will be waking up next to Spencer’s Gremlin-like face (thank you to reader ”Coco” for pointing that out!) every morning.

Elodie seemed half sincere, half judgmental about the engagement when she said to Heidi, ”I think when I was your age, I would’ve been like, ‘Are you kidding me? No way!”’ Then, of course, Heidi’s response was priceless: ”But, it’s like, if you meet a Spencer at my age, you know it’s a whole different thing.” Good luck to anyone who meets a ”Spencer” at any age, because it’ll mean your ability to make sensible decisions is over.

This week in What Else Can Spencer Possibly Do to Make Casa Speidi Look More and More Like a Frat House, we have the addition of an arcade machine (damn — my money was on a kegerator!). Apparently when Brody said to Spencer, ”You need to get some furniture for your pad; last time I saw it, it was looking all janky in there,” Spencer figured, what better way to look less janky then to add the Centipede game to the dining area? And correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t there another videogame machine in the background later, when Speidi were enjoying a leisurely lunch together?

I’m so glad — no, make that: SO GLAD — that Heidi finally put her foot down and put a stop to Spencer’s budding playhouse by painting over the ”beautiful mural.” I think (and hope) it was sort of her symbolic way of saying, ”You do not hold all the power in this relationship.” Okay, so that may be going a little far, but there comes a point in time where she’s going to have to have a mind of her own and they are going to need to compromise. Now if only she could convince him to shave that awful blond beard of his more often.

Another person that needs some convincing about bad choices: Audrina. Seriously, with all the attention these girls receive when they’re out and about in L.A., you’d think it would be feasible for them to meet actual nice guys (”nice” being a relative term here) who don’t go by two names, look like a Gremlin and/or turtle, hook up with girls named Jen Bunney, or collect assault charges. The Lauren-Audrina-Justin/Bobby outing was pretty painful. I kept hearing Whitney’s voice saying ”red flag!” every time J. Bobby touched his hair. I’m wondering at what point does the ”Audrina’s ex boyfriend” description get dropped from under Justin/Bobby’s name and changed to something like ”Audrina’s potential boyfriend.” Maybe when he can actually hold a conversation instead of belching and saying things like ”I don’t care.”

I have to hand it to Lauren for sucking it up and attempting the third-wheel role with Audrina and J. Bobby. We all know she has major issues when it comes to her close friends and sketchy guys, so I think it was really mature of her to go and give this boy a chance (especially after how odd he was when he met Lauren and Lo last week). Unfortunately, his chance to win Lauren over was foiled by his apathetic attitude and crass behavior. Audrina even agreed that J. Bobby was being rude and disrespectful, and I just loved Lauren’s response to that: ”Really, though, when you look at a guy like Justin, do you say, ‘Uh, there looks like a gentleman.”’ I certainly don’t.

I’m not real sure I believe J. Bob’s diatribe about the future of his relationship with Audrina: ”I take you for who you are, the person that you are, and the heart that you have, and I don’t let anybody interfere with that. I think truth and time tells all.” How very philosophical and heartfelt of you, J. Bob. But you know what I think? It’s going to take a whole lot more than truth and time to prove to us viewers that you’re worthy of Audrina’s affections. Step 1: Get a personality!

All right, TV Watchers, until next time, here are a few things for you to ponder: Is Justin/Bobby just doing a really bad Johnny Depp impression? How many more episodes do you think he’ll be in? Would you like to see Lo brought on to the show full time? Were you happy to see Heidi stand up for herself? Finally, do you think Heidi’s parents are going to approve of Spencer when they go visit Colorado?

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