Grimm recap: 'Oh Captain, My Captain'
Ladies and gentlegrimms, please put your hands together for Sasha Roiz, tonight’s episode MVP! (Thirsty ladies and not-so-gentlegrimms of Twitter, please put your tongues back in your mouths after all that male shirtlessness.) That’s right: It’s Renard vs. Renard in “Oh Captain, My Captain,” and the winner is the audience.
So. Following Renard’s escape from the long arm of the law, the manhunt for Nick is back on, and Nick’s allies are all lying low — save Adalind and the children, who are stuck at Renard’s house. Her fiancé tells her that she needs to get on the supportive first lady train before he takes office, or else. She’s not thrilled by this ultimatum.
At the precinct, Hank and Wu are boxing their belongings and fussing with their resignation letters. (I appreciate that Hank used company resources to print his.) Skyscraper Renard and pocket-sized Wu engage in the most mismatched staring contest in history. Wu lunges at Renard, and worse, he starts to woge, until Hank orders him to pull it together.
The three former police officers and Eve then start brainstorming ways to keep Renard from expanding his power by becoming mayor, and, as these conversations do, talk turns toward who’d like to magically transform into a tall, sexy half-Zauberbiest. Nick wins the metaphorical coin toss, and Eve agrees to fetch the changing hat. (Not to be confused with the Sorting Hat. Incidentally, what house would Monroe be assigned to? Please discuss in the comments.)
Renard, who’d definitely be kicking it in the Slytherin common room, has a new problem on his hands: His campaign manager, Jeremiah, saw Renard leave Rachel’s apartment the night she died. Faster than you can say “blackmail, baby,” Jeremiah’s demanding justice, and by justice, he means dolla dolla bills.
Have you noticed that all of Nick and Adalind’s phone calls these days start with, “Are you okay?” All things considered, their relationship’s doing pretty well amid the weirdness. Nick fills her in on the plans, and she volunteers to get some Renard hair for the transformation, no doubt motivated by her strong desire to never spend another night in his house. Bless Monroe; he immediately starts worrying about his pregnant wife handling the spell ingredients. Oh, and also, remember that time they did this spell and Juliette turned into a Hexenbiest? Good times.
On the blackmail front, Renard’s all about multitasking. He needs to appoint a loyal successor to be police chief, and he needs Jeremiah to go away. So he and potential new chief Grossante head to Jeremiah’s apartment, where Grossante woges and murders poor stupid Jeremiah, spattering blood on Renard’s shirt in the process.
Unfortunately, a bloody shirt calls for a wardrobe change. That’s usually not a big deal, but today, Monroe’s in the captain’s house collecting the hair and dithering about what clothes to grab for Nick to wear. Gotta say, Adalind’s awfully calm about Nick going through with this. Were it my Grimm boyfriend about to do something with proven permanent negative ramifications, I’d be far less sanguine about it.
When Renard enters the house, Adalind shoos Monroe into the closet and asks, “Whyyyy are you home?” in a hilarious “Nothing to see here!” voice. Then she does everything she can to keep him out of the closet, including offering to do his laundry and advising him to shower the blood out of his hair.
Renard’s rightfully suspicious about her niceness, but she lies that she’s just getting with the program. He buys this, for some reason, and Monroe hustles out the door once Renard’s safely tucked away in the bathroom. Claire Coffee’s freaked-out facial expressions in this scene absolutely kill me.
NEXT: Blood on Renard’s shirt? That’s a deal-breaker.
In the spice shop, Nick starts breathing the transformation smoke until Eve, speaking for all of us, interrupts: “Your clothes. You should probably take them off.” Everyone politely turns their backs while he huffily strips so Renard’s gargantuan body doesn’t shred through Nick’s child-sized clothes like the Incredible Hulk. After inhaling the smoke, Nick at first remains unchanged, then drops to the floor to engage in a distressing amount of face-down writhing. And then there stands a shirtless, woged Renard!
Please, everyone, take a moment to appreciate the utter brilliance that is Sasha Roiz channeling David Guintoli to convey Nick’s panic attack that he’s in the body of his worst enemy, and his Zauberbiest showing. I didn’t know it was possible to do a David Giuntoli impression, but apparently, ‘tis.
At first, Monroe tries to talk Renick down, but his bedside manner is dreadful, so Rosalee steps in and gently guides him into un-woging. Then the group coaches Renick through Being Sean Renard 101. Renick says it feels weird being this tall, and Monroe suggests he move “a little more … Renard-y.”
“More full of yourself,” Rosalee suggests. So Renick puffs out his chest and tilts up his chin, getting into character as Hank walks in. Renick immediately snaps that he asked for Hank’s resignation letter, and Hank yells right back that he handed it in. When Renick tries to apologize, Hank shrinks away. Guys, this whole scene is amazing. Ah. May. Zing.
Not only is this my favorite Sasha Roiz episode ever, it’s the funniest Claire Coffee has ever been. Her instructions are to keep Realnard at home for the 7 p.m. news, so she does everything she can to stall him, including asking him to stay for dinner and instigating a talk about Diana.
“Diana? Why? Did she kill somebody else?” asks her distracted father. Realnard, in a red tie, reluctantly agrees to stay and talk about Diana’s unique educational needs. That’s when the news starts, showing Renick, in a blue tie, live on camera, resigning as mayor so he can focus his full attention on the precinct. Oh, and incidentally, Nick Burkhardt did an outstanding job during his recent undercover stint, Renick says.
The best part of this sequence? When Renick appears on screen, Adalind turns to Realnard and asks in a tiny, innocent voice, “When did you record this??” Just … A+, everyone. A+.
Of course, it gets much less funny when Realnard breaks the remote and threatens Adalind if she was involved.
At the precinct, the would-be new captain, Grossante, corners Renick, angry that he killed a dude for a promotion that just vanished. Renick fumbles his way through the conversation. Luckily, he knew that Renard came home with blood on his shirt. He tells Grossante that his sloppy crime scene habits are a deal-breaker. Grossante promises that he won’t forget this and storms out, then Renick doubles over with pain, presumably as the return transformation begins. When Renick tries to leave the precinct, the media swarm him, so he praises the job performance of Hank and Wu. Man, Sasha Roiz even walks differently as Nick-as-Renard.
A furious Realnard rolls up to the cop shop, and Wu stops him from going inside because, you know, he’s already in there. Awkward! But as Renick drives away, the media find Realnard, who insists that he’s not stepping down as mayor and that wasn’t him on the news. The reporters clearly think he’s losing it. “Weren’t you just wearing a different tie, sir?” one of them asks.
Back at the spice shop, Renick, Hank, and Wu unpack the laptop and files they swiped from Renard’s office, while Eve worries that the pain Renick experienced in the precinct was the spell trying and failing to wear off. This confirms everyone’s fears that the spell might work differently on a Grimm. Renick frantically examines himself in a mirror while the rest of the team scours through the books to see if Nick’s going to be stuck as Renard forever.
Done messing around, Realnard calls Hank and barks, “Put him on the phone.” The Renards agree to meet at Nick’s loft to settle their business, while Hank and Wu race over to collect Adalind and the kids.
Once they’re handsome face to handsome face, the two Renards engage in tough-guy banter: “If I shoot you, is that considered suicide?” Realnard asks. Ha!
They both toss their guns, and Renick sucker punches Realnard as he’s taking off his coat. (At least, I think that’s how it goes; they took off their ties, so it’s hard to tell as they’re jumping around.) Realnard woges, and Renick follows suit, albiet with a little more effort, and they commence to out-and-out brawl. IT’S A ROOFTOP RENARD VS. RENARD FIGHT, GUYS. LOOK AROUND, LOOK AROUND AT HOW LUCKY WE ARE TO BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW!
NEXT: Diana ex machina
As the Renards fight, the rest of the team is having no luck figuring out how to un-Renard Nick. When Adalind gets there, she learns that Nick hasn’t snapped back, and she takes the troubling news like a champ, immediately asking them to walk her through their process.
Back on the rooftop, the Renards are evenly matched, and presumably this fight could last forever (even if Renick does have a hard time un-woging). They agree that they’re both in a tough spot with their allies all gone. Further, neither wants to go down for last season’s North Precinct attack or Bonaparte’s death. Renick suggests they blame the conveniently dead Bonaparte for everything and tell the press that Renard resigned to head the investigation. No dummy, Renick negotiates to get his job back, along with Hank’s and Wu’s, and tells Realnard that Kelly and Adalind will live with him.
“Eh, take her,” Realnard spits, but he insists on raising Diana and reminds Nick that she loves her daddy and would be upset if anything happened to him.
When a Renard returns downstairs, everyone worries that Nick’s dead and this is Realnard. Renick insists it’s him, but as Monroe points out, “That’s exactly what Renard would say.” So Adalind asks him a question only Nick would know: Where did they first kiss? Renick side-eyes Eve before answering: at the table in his loft. D’aww!
Renick’s bonafides established, the team still has to break the news that he might be stuck like that. But hey, did you forget about Diana? After a close look at Renick, she realizes something’s off, and hey, presto, she works her magic to change Renick into regular Nick, who, it must be pointed out, is positively swimming in Renard’s tall-man suit. Adalind and Nick hug as Diana looks on, and it’s hard to tell what she’s thinking. Nick’s pretty cool? Time for murder? I want a pony? Who knows!
Real Renard, meanwhile, staggers home, where a man lies in wait to ask how it went. “I tried to tell you,” he says. “You chose the wrong side, Sean.” It’s Meisner, and he looks mad!
Okay, I cannot emphasize enough how much pure enjoyment “Oh Captain, My Captain” provides. Not only did it move the plot along — Nick’s no longer a fugitive, the action can refocus on police matters, Adalind’s free of Renard’s clutches — but it offered some pitch-perfect light moments, too. Let’s hope this momentum continues as the show returns to its monster-of-the-week roots.
- Claire Coffee should be cast in all the rom-coms, stat. Girl has comedy chops.
- While Nick and Eve examine Diana’s sketches of the cloth, we flash back to Nick’s mom announcing that Diana’s power is so great that she could be a history-changing force of good if she grows up in the right hands. Presumably those hands are not Renard’s. Gee, think this’ll this come into play later this season?
- Two other plot points that are still simmering are Nick’s continued fascination with the mystery stick, which he admits has a pull over him, and Eve’s reawakening humanity. “You love Adalind,” she tells Nick. “I can feel it.” She also grabs for his hand and makes some meaningful eye contact, and all I have to say to that is, no! Back, love triangle! Back!
- Okay, there was one sour moment for me in this otherwise stellar episode, and that was when Adalind told Nick that their Bremen Ruins encounter doesn’t count as their first kiss. Um, no. Of course it doesn’t. That’s when he took her powers, and to me, that forced kiss/blood infusion in the woods played as an allegory for sexual assault. It was uncomfortable even hearing them joke about it as “not counting.” They’ve both changed so much since season 1, and I’ve got no problem with them moving past that incident together, but the jokey tone landed wrong.
- Back to the positives: On a scale of Pretty Great to So Freaking Great, how great was Sasha Roiz tonight? I’m going with Stupendously Great.