Richard celebrates his birthday with the Halley's Comet of surgeries, while Jackson and April are forced to evaluate their future together

By Samantha Highfill
March 21, 2014 at 03:03 AM EDT
Kelsey McNeal/ABC
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Is there anyone better than Richard Webber? I’m going to say no. This man has been sharing his wisdom for years, and quite frankly, watching Richard nearly give up on life earlier this season was one of my least favorite storylines to date. Richard, as he stated last week, was and always will be “the chief.” So what was the chief up to tonight? Well for starters, it was his birthday! And to kick off the celebration, Hunt handed him a packet from the hospital, which asked the question, “Is it time to retire?” Let me take this one for you, Richard: Hell no.

Elsewhere in the hospital, this week was all about various trials and experiments. We will start with Meredith, who brought in a bio-engineer to help take her printer to the next level. Not surprisingly, she was feeling a little competitive with her husband’s government-funded project, and she was in full-on mama bear mode. At first, she was a little too Ellis-esque when it came to what she allowed the bio-engineer to do (spoiler: nothing), but eventually, she gave in. He was here to help, and she’s ready to change lives.

Meanwhile, Cristina was weeding through possible research subjects for her clinical trial. She had Shane meeting with patients and sending her nothing but information on the hearts. She didn’t want the individual patients to influence her decision. She was in full, well, Cristina mode. And as she looked through hearts, an idea came to her. This scientific method of deciding things was exactly what Hunt needed in order to find a woman. Now, if only there was a way to look at someone’s credentials without meeting them and decide if you were interested. Yep, Cristina was going to make Owen an online dating profile.

But you know who doesn’t need an online dating profile? Jackson and April, who were incredibly happy until Catherine Avery came stomping through the halls. She had some worries about this marriage. First things first, it was all about the Benjamins. She wanted April to sign a post-nuptial agreement, and only because she’s “better than everyone,” April agreed. It was actually a really cute moment between her and Jackson. I’m really enjoying them. For now though, they were going to let Catherine “stew.”

Getting back to the birthday boy, Bailey had stumbled into the greatest present of all time when she realized that her patient was in pain because he had absorbed his own twin in the womb! Now, he was a full-grown man with a little leg and a spinal column in his stomach. Now, that’s a lot better than a retirement package, is it not? Too bad Richard’s excitement about the discover backfired on him. The patient, having just found out he had a brother, decided he didn’t want the surgery. But that’s where being Richard Webber kicks in. Richard related to the patient — he too felt like he was being thrown out with Hunt’s retirement package — and came up with the idea to return the twin to the patient once it was extracted. And it seemed he had himself a deal.

NEXT: Owen knows exactly what he wants

However, not all disagreements were that easy to settle. Callie had gotten a lawyer and decided not to let Derek put a stop to her research. She was sick of him thinking that he was the center of the universe. The sensors came about because of a question she had asked, even though Derek was the one who provided the answer. It was his name on the patents, he argued. But when it came time to talk as friends, he admitted that he felt bad. And you know why? Because what he was doing was wrong, Callie told him. He felt bad because he should. It was hard to argue with that, so instead, Derek called up the hotshots in D.C. and told him that they either share the sensors or they lose him. And even without being able to see McDreamy and be hypnotized by his hair, the government still agreed. Just like that, we got a Callie victory dance, and I could not be happier that this friendship is back on track.

For Shane, this episode was tough. In his vetting process for Cristina’s criminal trial, he came across a 17-year-old girl who was literally giving birth, and he had to deny her the opportunity to be a patient in their trial. She didn’t meet the criteria. They needed someone between the ages of 1 and 12 whose heart was still growing. And although Shane did get to have a mini-George moment when he talked her through delivery, it was straight to bummer-town for him this week.

With Shane taking care of all the potential patients, Cristina was free to set up a profile for Owen. But when she asked him what he was looking for, his response was, well, something like this: He wants “Someone who doesn’t care to cook or get out of bed when it’s not a work day. Someone who sleeps so soundly and peacefully that I have to check her pulse sometimes. Someone who’s suffered and understands suffering to the point that I don’t have to say a word, she just looks at me and sees who I am and how I feel and accepts it. She doesn’t try to change it, doesn’t want to change it. That person. There’s a billion people out there, but I imagine there’s only one of her.” My heart stopped. Full disclosure, the only thing I wrote in my notes for that moment was literally, “DIESSSS.” Go on, you two. Go be in love and be happy and all that bright and shiny crap!

And speaking of love, Jo was not a fan of the love contract Meredith had gotten from HR. She was convinced that signing papers was the kiss of death, but Alex — after an amazing cafeteria scene that I want more of! — told her that the contract wasn’t promising anything. In fact, the only thing he could promise was that she couldn’t count on him. He could die tomorrow. She could die tomorrow. But this contract was the only way that he could kiss her whenever he wanted. to. Within seconds, she signed the damn thing and kissed her man like she meant it!

NEXT: Avery vs. Avery vs. Avery

But if we’re talking about someone meaning something, we should get back to the Avery showdown that was happening in the conference room. Catherine wanted answers. Were Jackson and April going to have children? Yes. What religion would they be raised with? Was April aware that Avery children start attending Avery Foundation board meetings at 15 and join the board as voting members at the age of 18? And what about April’s Christian beliefs? Would their children be raised pro-life? Would that affect how they voted on the board and what hospitals they worked with? Oh yeah, it was intense. But April was a champ. She apologized if Catherine felt judged because of her beliefs, and she apologized for how the wedding went down, which was really all Catherine wanted. She promised to make it up to her, and then she told her sexy husband to apologize to his mom. Jackson walked over to his mother, asked her to stand up, and explained that “I love her mom, and I am sorry, but I love her. She’s the one.” And then, in a very sweet moment, Catherine teared up and told him, “You could’ve had your grandma’s cake topper.” Oh, these two. I loved how Catherine hugged and then lightly slapped him. That woman’s the best.

But before Catherine could take Richard out for his birthday dinner, Richard attempted to give the absorbed twin back to the patient, but after one look at it, he screamed and gave it right back. As for Richard? That was his birthday present. Well that, and a surprise party! Whenever they have one of these shindigs, I always wonder who’s staffing the hospital, but I’ll let it go for now.

At the bar, Cristina informed Owen that he’d had 20 responses from women. She narrowed it down to 10, and he could take three on coffee dates. But he informed her that he had to talk to Richard, and then they should get out of there. At this point, all I’m thinking is, “Good Lord say yes!”

So as one couple potentially rekindled something, Jackson and April realized just how much they still need to discuss. Would their kids be raised Christian even though Jackson isn’t? Would they be attending board meetings or 4-H lessons? And what about boarding school? The best response was when April talked about it being important for them to be comfortable around livestock — “Is it?” Jackson asked.

Finally, Hunt went to talk to Richard about that retirement packet. Turned out, he wasn’t going to ask him to leave. He was going to ask him to cut back on surgeries so that he could become the director of the residency program. All of the decisions regarding the education arm of the hospital would now be made by Richard. Richard said he’d think about it, but we all know it’s a perfect fit. That being said, I’m still calling him the chief.

What did you all think of the episode? I thought it was a lot of fun, and I’m loving the relationships. Derek and Callie are great, Bailey and Richard are great, and don’t get me started on Owen and Cristina. Let’s just hope this Jackson-April relationship drama doesn’t make me start to dislike them.

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Meredith. Alex. Bailey. The doctors are definitely in on Shonda Rhimes' hospital melodrama.
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