The inevitable relationship between Meredith Grey and Cormac Hayes (affectionately known as Dr. McIrish) has officially reached a slow burn. And I’m here for it. Leave it to Cristina to know exactly what Meredith needs when a certain chief resident is acting like a jackwagon.

It was a parade of jackwagons, actually. Everywhere you turn, someone else is behaving in a way that leaves us normal, well-respected people shaking our heads in disdain. Take Amelia, for example. She’s been sitting on the fact that Link may or may not be the father of her baby for two days and when she finally summons the courage to come clean, she leads with, “No blood test can change the way I feel about you.”

Come on, Amelia. You can do better than that.

Fortunately for her, Link is a cool, understanding guy who correctly assumes that the other possible baby daddy is Owen. Amelia confirms his guess and affirms the crap out of him. She doesn’t need a paternity test to know that she wants to be with Link. P.S.: She really loves him and genetics don’t matter. Are we good?

We also have the high school swimmer who is rushed into the hospital unable to breathe. Meredith and Cormac work together to diagnose the athlete Ty, who, according to his father and teammates, is a rising star. After a scan shows that Ty has the lungs of a 60-year-old man, Cormac immediately knows that this kid vapes.

From rising star to jackwagon.

Ty’s father assures the medical team that Ty doesn’t vape. With one raise of an Irish eyebrow, the teammates confess to Dr. Hayes that Ty indeed vapes. Everyone at school does. It’s not like it’s regular smoking.

True. Instead of smoke, this kid is inhaling chemicals into his lungs. Where do I sign up?

Cormac wants to operate on Ty’s lungs. Meredith suggests a less invasive procedure. Cormac agrees and when the procedure doesn’t work and they are forced to crack Ty’s chest, he doesn’t tell Meredith, “I told you so.”

You see, Cormac made the same mistake Meredith did once upon a time and the insufferable surgeon he was working with had to jump in and save the day. That’s how he knew the kid vaped in the first place. He’s seen this before. And who was the surgeon who put him in his place?

Dr. Cristina Yang. It appears that McIrish is both a professional and personal gift from Meredith’s favorite person. I love this so much.

In other unfortunate news, Teddy has lost the huge engagement ring that previously belonged to all the women in Owen’s family who presumably helped liberate France in their younger years. In short? This heirloom is legit. Luckily, Owen is super chill when Teddy ugly cries the truth to him and agrees to hunt for the major piece of jewelry that undoubtedly is somewhere in the hospital and definitely not in a pawn shop in downtown Seattle.

Amelia walks in on Teddy and Owen looking in the lounge sink and instead of announcing her exciting baby news, she chokes. There’s too much anxiety in the room. She’ll tell her ex and his fiancée later when they aren’t so distracted. Her decision is confirmed when Owen receives a text that Leo is puking in daycare.

Poor little guy. Is it the flu? Did he eat a bad fried egg for breakfast? Nope. Leo dined on a three-carat diamond and his digestive system is not happy about it. Somebody boil some water. We’ve got an engagement ring to sanitize, people.

GREY’S ANATOMY – “A Hard Pill to Swallow” – Richard finds out Maggie quit Grey Sloan and is concerned about how she’s handling the death of her patient who was her estranged cousin. Bailey returns to work after taking some personal time off, although Koracick doesn’t make her first day as easy as she’d like. Meanwhile, Meredith thinks she might miss DeLuca, and Amelia has an update for Link on her pregnancy on “Grey’s Anatomy” THURSDAY, JAN. 30 (9:00-10:01 p.m. EST), on ABC. (ABC/Kelsey McNeal)GIACOMO GIANNIOTTI, CHANDRA WILSON
| Credit: Kelsey McNeal/ABC

Equally gross, a man brings his buddy into the ER because he swallowed a fish. Meaning, this dude swallowed an actual fish from an aquarium at his bachelor party and now he can’t breathe. Why did he do such a jackwagony thing? I’m glad you asked. Because his groomsmen dared him to do it. Bless.

As Jo and Link scrub in to pull tiny bits of fish out of this man’s throat, Jo asks Link why he’s not freaking out about Amelia’s news. Link thinks about it for a beat, reminding his friend that this baby is going to have a handful of parents who will love it. Jo rolls her eyes, calling Link out for trying to be cool and evolved when she knows, in reality, he has to be losing his mind. Then she tells him that it’s okay for him to be in love and angry at the same time.

The woman who is betrothed to the fish swallowing jackwagon is hot when she finds out that her man downed a pointy fish on purpose. In fact, she gives the ring back, feigning that she’s leaving him for his unbelievable stupidity. She’s tired of giving him the benefit of the doubt. “When someone shows you who they are over and over, at some point you have to start believing them.”

Cue Link in the plant room telling Amelia that she should have told him about the baby’s paternity the second she found out. Amelia falls on her sword and agrees with Link. She admits to being chaotic, one who doesn’t think things through, and a person who often hurts people. Link pulls back from the relationship, asking that they take things one step at a time until they gather all the information. No amount of plant therapy can help Amelia not feel that blow.

Meanwhile, Maggie is still suffering from her uncle acting like a jackwagon and suing her for his daughter’s death. Richard does his best to cheer her up, but she’s not having it. Richard reminds Maggie that Sabi’s condition was dire even before the surgery. Maggie confesses that Sabi is dead because she didn’t follow protocol at Pac North. She’s dead because a simple question wasn’t asked.

Richard uses pancakes and nostalgia to help his daughter process her feelings. I believe it works. Sadly, his own relationship with Catherine seems to be beyond all repair. She doesn’t believe him when he tells her he’s been with Maggie all day long instead of work. In fact, Catherine is ready for a serious conversation about where this relationship is headed.

It seems Meredith wants to have the same DTR with DeLuca, but he is too busy trying to figure out why the delightful woman with two adorable children and a crazy but loving sister is not bouncing back from a routine appendectomy. He and Bailey do their best to keep the family calm while assuring them they are going to figure out exactly what’s going on.

Everyone is tense. The father went into the hospital last year for something simple and died quickly after. The mom Suzanne handles the stressful situation with her kids beautifully until she codes in the CT scanner. DeLuca frantically barks to Meredith that he doesn’t know how to help this woman. She sits with him to puzzle through the details.

Meanwhile, Bailey faces the wrath of Koracick, who has been a major jackwagon to her all day. He’s ribbing her for taking the last three days off and teases her about having sand in her toes from her beach vacation. Bailey sharply informs him that she’s been home recovering from a miscarriage. Jackwagon.

Surprisingly, Koracick suggests she light a candle. That’s what he and his wife used to do for the two babies they miscarried. It helps. Then he walks away.

Okay, I take it back. But you have to admit that if the brotherhood of jackwagons had a mayor or distinguished alumni, it would be Koracick. You know I’m right.

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Meredith. Alex. Bailey. The doctors are definitely in on Shonda Rhimes' hospital melodrama.

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