George and Izzie realize that their long-awaited best sex ever isn't going to happen; plus, Meredith lets Lexie open up to her, and Bailey becomes chief resident

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November 09, 2007 at 05:00 PM EST

”Grey’s Anatomy” recap: Bad sex alert!

Well, friends, are we psyched? This was the episode we’ve been waiting for since last spring! George and Izzie are finally on the old Grey’s Anatomy road to ruin. And I admit this is a good lesson in Grey’s viewing as well as life: Sit tight if you hate something, as nothing is permanent. Who knew Seattle Grace was as good as an ashram?

Meredith’s narration broke it down thusly for the non-Buddhist scholars among us: ”When you’re talking about human chemistry, only one thing matters — either you’ve got it or you don’t.” Ah, also so true. (Lesson in why Internet dating can go so badly so quickly.) And the Chief and Derek seemed to have plenty of chemistry themselves, with the Dreamster gallantly stepping in to help the about-to-be-divorcé with basics like laundry in exchange for ”movie nights” with the Chief’s DVD collection (which would have to be damn good for me to be tending to his dirty clothes, but we all know what a pushover Derek is). Dr. Bitch, meanwhile, was having no chemistry with anyone, basically, but especially not with Cristina — she switched up the schedule just to keep Dr. Yang away from her precious cardio.

George and Izzie’s lack of mojo even spilled into poor Meredith’s day (and I say ”poor Meredith” with no irony for once) when they both wanted to bend her ear first thing in the morning about…oh my God, what’s that? The sex not being good? How shocking! Who could’ve seen that coming? Though I gotta say the entire Gizzie debacle may have been worth it just for the terrified look on Mer’s face (mirroring, I think, much of what we’ve gone through watching this the past few months) as they detailed just how bad it was. Lots of funny this episode. I like.

I could, however, live without all the bowel-movement talk from that one cranky patient of Alex’s. And without Lexie, who’s getting tiresome with all her flitting about just whining over people’s shoulders about Meredith not liking her. ”What did I say to you about talking to me about your personal life?” Cristina snapped at her, echoing my sentiments. One quibble, though: Isn’t that what they pretty much do at this hospital?

Oh, right, they also treat patients, and a few seconds later Cristina had a mom passing out on her just after bringing her adopted baby in for treatment. But as soon as Dr. Hahn swooped in to help treat her, she was all, ”We’ve got it from here, Yang.” Really, was this woman in love with Burke or something before? Because there has to be more to her extreme, well, rudeness to Cristina, who by all accounts really is a good surgeon. Not helping the cause of powerful women at all to not only act this unapologetically bitchy but also take a good woman down. And speaking of woman-on-woman insults, that plastic-surgery patient accusing Izzie of having ”worry lines”? Jeez, that’s not even funny as a joke in a script. What the hell do the rest of us have if Katherine Heigl has worry lines? Small-scale ravines?

In the man-on-woman-insult department, we had Alex and Lexie. Apparently he was bucking to surpass Dr. Sloan in the jackass department, responding to her medical page by saying, ”You paged me because your legs are still shaking from the other night and you’re trying to work up the nerve to invite me to our friendly neighborhood on-call room.” Though I must say: You can scoff with indignation all you want, girls, but this kind of crap works on some of our kind all the time in the real world. I’d even be sorta okay with it if she had given him a hard time back for a bit — is even a straightforward, unoriginal ”You wish” too much to ask? Apparently so for the ever-earnest Grey; all she wanted to talk about was how sorry she was that their hookup had upset the dark-and-twisty Grey. Alex did have the unequivocally right answer to that: ”Sorry, your issues can’t be my issues, but I’m here for the sex if you need it.”

George and Izzie still insisted on trying for their own leg-shaking hookup, and they do bring up a good point: Most of the time there are reasons we are just friends with certain straight members of the opposite sex, even though they are straight members of the opposite sex. (We forget this, having watched When Harry Met Sally 8.2 trillion times.) Sometimes it’s because we have massively mismatched issues that could never coexist romantically; sometimes the sex just doesn’t work. (Even Izzie’s genuinely cute green nightie and ”box of fun” — e.g., booze — didn’t do it for them.) And the only thing weirder than having mind-blowing sex with your best friend is having terrible sex with your best friend. More pressingly, though: Any theories on what fantasy of Izzie’s they could’ve possibly been acting out? On second thought, keep that to yourself; I don’t want you getting kicked off the message boards here. Talk about that whole deep When Harry Met Sally thing instead.

I also do legitimately like the attitude adjustment Hahn is giving Cristina, even though I think it’s woefully unjustified from her end of things. She has no business being so harsh, but it’s doing our girl some good anyway. Even better was that Callie-jamming-to-surgery scene — and Bailey’s genius handling of everyone’s administrative issues since their chief resident had mentally checked out of the job. Putting the crap-talking man and plastic-surgery lady in the same room so they’d drive each other crazy and get the hell out? Brilliant, even if we totally saw the sex thing coming for them later! I have to say the scripts are doing a great job lately, too, of mixing everybody up into new conflicts and, more important, alliances: first Cristina and Callie, and now Cristina and Mark bonding over their own professional identity crises. Sandra Oh broke my heart a little when she said, ”Holding a heart is way better,” as they watched Hahn’s surgery from above. Sloan broke my heart in a whole different way, though, when he claimed to ”have a thing” for Hahn. If that doesn’t prove the whole ”act busy and important” rule for getting a guy to notice you, I don’t know what does.

NEXT: Lexie’s secrets

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Meredith. Alex. Bailey. Arizona. The doctors are definitely in on Shonda Rhimes’ hospital melodrama.
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