Mike counts his chickens before he snaps.

By J. Harvey
July 10, 2015 at 03:15 AM EDT
Jeff Daly/USA Network
  • TV Show

Tonight’s Graceland featured a lot of plot-thickening, definite causes for the audience to worry about Charlie’s unborn baby, and chickens. A lot of chickens, but not enough to answer Mike’s questions about the afterlife. Hang in there. All will be (sort of) explained.

Charlie and Amber Do Miami. Charlie and Amber give each other nicknames (Amber tells Charlie she’s a “real bitch,” and Charlie counters that Amber is a “drunk slut.” #sisterhood) as they embark on the search for Reggie. Charlie thinks Amber is running a con to stay out of jail. Amber From The Slammer (a.k.a. Slamber?) insists that this Reggie dude is for real, and that her “sense memory” is going to lead them to him. She suddenly remembers that Reggie was affiliated with a crooked, drug-dealing doctor in the Little Havana section of Miami. Charlie uses her FBI powers to track him down. Unfortunately, Amber and her total lack of subtlety scare Dr. Feelgood off. A chagrined Charlie calls the op off, sends the cover team home, and prepares to haul Slamber back to jail. The cop that the doctor called on them has other ideas. They’re taken into custody by a good ole’ boy. Slamber blows their cover, insisting that Charlie is FBI. Charlie has bigger worries. Officer Shifty is driving them deep into the Florida backwater, and she guesses correctly that the local police station isn’t on stilts out in the swamp.

Office Shifty is also Officer Drug Dealer. Charlie and Slamber are taken into an armed camp, where they’re introduced to the other swampland minions. Slamber insisting that Charlie is FBI isn’t exactly endearing her to the hardened criminals with guns. Any of you out there who aren’t Slamber fans probably enjoyed the part where one of the thugs pushes her face-first into a mud puddle and begins to drown her in it. That’s what you get for getting a pregnant woman beat up! Charlie maintains her drug dealer cover despite Amber’s impending mud puddle drowning, and one of the dealers decides on raping her. This can’t be good for the baby. Suddenly, another good ole’ boy enters the scene. A mud-sputtering Amber recognizes him. It’s Reggie! He’s real! Sense memory works! Who the heck is Reggie, I’m Rodney, he says. Charlie practically lights Amber’s hair on fire with the glare she gives her for getting the name wrong.

Charlie and Amber’s cover is intact, and Rodney and Amber have a joyous reunion. Charlie gets her drug deal done with Officer Shifty. Germaine is as good as caught! That’s probably a fallacy because this is Graceland. Our beach house brethren usually end up killing the people they’re trying to catch. Run, Germaine.

Johnny and Jakes Go Boating. Meanwhile, back at Graceland, Mikey reveals that Sid is dead. Everyone seems sort of let down by the news. Briggs notes that he really wanted one of them to have pulled the trigger. Dude, you are in luck! Slide your eyes to the counter! Johnny’s eyes are already failing a polygraph.

Johnny heads to a marina in Tijuana. He has to transport a literal boatload of drugs to San Pedro for Crazy Carlito. Casting off is delayed by the presence of Jakes. His roomie has followed him here, and would like to know why he suddenly has possession of a cabin cruiser at the Tijuana Marina. Johnny tries to convince Jakes to just let it go. Really, Johnny? “Oh, okay. Bye,” Jakes in no way says. Jakes and his indomitable dreads are relentless and they will get their answers. Johnny spills it, and tells Jakes why he’s been DIMEING them out to Carlito, and why he’s piloting the SS Party Powder. Jakes—being the pal that he is despite his gruff exterior—hops on board to help Johnny sail the drugs. A seasick Jakes is made even more nauseous by Johnny talking about how hard Lucia has had it. We’ve all seen the mansion. Yeah, her brother is psychotic and constantly hitting on her boyfriend. That bathtub is really big, though, and it probably has sauna capabilities. It’s not all bad, Lucia.

NEXT: Chickens come home to roost.

Mikey’s on drugs and transfixed by chickens. Mikey is fully hooked on the Oxys and ventures out to score some on the mean streets. Whenever a TV character dons a gray hoodie and ventures out into the night with the hood up, you know they’re going to try and buy drugs. Mikey finds Your Prerequisite Television Drug Dealer In An Alley. He’s informed that the Oxys usually go before 10 a.m. (The junkies in that part of LA really rise and shine, huh?) Dealer Guy tries to cheat Mikey for other drugs, and Mikey flashes his badge. Dealer Guy exits, and Mikey makes off with his entire stash.

Sid’s death has motivated Mikey to close down Carlito’s operation once and for all. Despite Johnny’s protests, Mikey and Paige launch a combo FBI/DEA raid on Carlito’s latest bulk drugs transaction. Bullets fly and the big crate is opened. It’s full of chicken! Bok bok, go the chickens as Mikey freezes and stares at them. Paige saves Mikey’s life from a remaining gunman firing at him. Mikey’s only thank-you is to note that there’s only 29 chickens. Gee, thanks, Mikey.

Paige tells Briggs the tale of Mikey and the drug chickens. Briggs speaks to their Oxy-riddled leader. Mikey reveals that he had a bizarre vision when he was dead. It involved birds—47 of them. He has no idea what it means, but he’s determined to find out. Those chickens were a big letdown. If I die and end up resuscitated, my spiritual vision better not be limited to poultry.

Briggs Takes Ari Drinking. When last we left Briggs, he had just crashed his ride into Ari’s girlfriend Layla’s car. Was he going to kidnap her? Kill her? Tell her about the time he went to Stanford and let her know which frat has the best parties? No, he merely pops her airbag and steals her purse. He looks up a contact (“Colby”) on her phone. Colby turns out to be the dude that had Briggs’ job before Briggs. Briggs had been told that Colby dropped out due to illness, but his boss Logan lied. Colby quit because Ari is a whackjob and made him drag a man to death behind his car. That’s definitely an indicator to cash in your 401K and split.

Briggs recruits Colby to assist him in taking Ari down. Stage 1 of the plan is to get Ari drunk off his crazy ass. Prior to his blackout, Ari describes Layla’s attributes in pretty-graphic-for-the-USA-network detail. He acknowledges that if the boss finds out that Ari is doodling his daughter, he’s dead. Briggs pays for an entire bottle of Ari’s favorite booze and exits. Ari wakes up in his crashed car the next morning. He’s covered in blood, which isn’t his. He calls Briggs. Briggs is really devoted to his cover because he takes the call in a laundromat. Unless he really had to do laundry. How does Graceland not have a washer/dryer? Anyway, Ari needs Briggs’ help. The trap has been sprung! And it couldn’t have been sooner. None of us need to hear any more of Ari’s euphemisms for lady parts. 

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