Dan and Blair discuss taking their friendship public while Lily could be headed to the slammer.
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Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CW

It sorta felt like all of the great couture was at the Oscars and not so much on last night’s Gossip Girl. The wardrobes were surprisingly toned down. I mean there was a party and Serena BARELY showed cleavage—that’s crazy talk! Also, there was nary a sequin in sight. My eyes! My eyes!

Based on the trailers, we were promised a major scandal would rock the Upper East Side and GG sorta delivered. I mean it wasn’t really a surprising twist (Lily ended up turning herself in to the police over the forged affidavit) but it still definitely caused some drama…and brought about the return of the star of Sliver, Mr. William Baldwin!!!

Serena and Ben continued what I’m officially going to say is the most boring love story on television. This girl is hot like fire but Liza has better taste in men. This romance is like a horse with a broken leg—put it out of its misery! We did have a somewhat interesting development when Ben’s mom, Cynthia, showed up out of the blue. And she’s sort of a doppelganger for Juliet, particularly in the hairdo department. Oh and her tendency to be an utter and total beeeyotch. Speaking of her hair, I think it needed a little trim. I don’t like women of that age with long hair. Anyways, that’s my little diatribe about hairdos. Back to Ben’s mom: gurlfriend was none too pleased to find out that her jailbird son was now hanging with the blondie that got him thrown in the clink. So naturally Serena decided to invite them both over to her place, a.k.a. the Waldorfs, for some lunch.

Well, apparently, while she had over those charming folks, mama Sharp snuck into Serena’s room and stole the infamous fake affidavit. How did she know where it was located? Why, of course, Smartie McButtchin Ben told her exactly where it was! Hello dude! Not a good call. And he acted so surprised when he figured out what she had done. Ugh. You were a teacher! It was clearly all for the best that Lily had you thrown in jail. You could have done way more harm left in the education system.

Shortly after entertaining the Sharps, Serena got a visit from her mother and Vanessa, who again was wearing a solid-colored coat. Progress!!! Although she did sort of magically appear behind Lily like an ill-accessorized witch. Vanessa broke it down to Serena about hearing Ben admit to having the Captain beat up in prison.

Now to my favorite love story since I dreamed that I was dating Justin Timberlake: Dair!!!!! These two just put a smile on my face. I love that Blair planned exit strategies for all of the locations in which they would meet. Of course, she would always arrive first and Dan would show up like 15 minutes later in order to make people believe they showed up separately. But Dorota was able to catch on to their little deception. “I found a Nova documentary in your Netflix queue,” she told Blair. Genius. The look of sheer horror on her face when she believed that Meez Blair was dating, as she called him, “Lonely Boy” was totally priceless. Blair and Dan eventually decided to “come out” as friends at a big Chuck party that night, thinking they could not hide their movie/museum outings any longer.

NEXT: Chuck throws a party and Serena keeps the cleavage to a minimum!

Raina had been spending quality time with Nate which I’m guessing meant more pot and Mario Kart. Nate did invite Raina out for a movie (people are going to the movies A LOT on Gossip Girl lately) and then to watch the Villanova game at Blondie’s. First off, I have to say that Blondie’s has great chicken wings. Secondly, I do not believe for a moment that Raina watches football or even knows where Notre Dame is located. I did thoroughly enjoy this exchange between the two:

Raina: “You’re smarter than you look, Archibald.”

Nate: “I get that a lot.”

I believe it, Nate.

So all of these stories convened at a Chuck party at the Empire Hotel in honor of the dude getting back control of Bass Industries. Tons of drama went down: Raina overheard her father blackmailing Chuck and stormed out. Lily called the DA and turned herself in which basically kept Thorpe from taking control of Bass Industries. Thorpe then told Chuck the reason he was so intent on taking over the company was that his wife/Raina’s mom died in a fire in one of Bart’s buildings years ago. (Apparently this was brought up in an episode like the first or second season. I have zero recollection of this. I am old. I can hardly remember my middle name.) Serena confronted Ben about the Captain’s attack and he confessed. Blair and Dan decided not to announce their “relationship.” And Serena wore an outfit that just barely showed her boobs!

So by the end of the episode, Lily (who BTW was in a totally hot Elie Saab dress) was about to embark on a major legal battle. Ben’s record was cleared and he (hopefully) ran off somewhere far, far away. Rufus was waiting outside for her when Lily’s ex-husband, William (William Baldwin), showed back up. Apparently, CeCe had called him to help out with Lily’s impending court drama. It also meant that CeCe was coming back! I love that old firecracker. Good to hear.

But the best part was the final minutes when Dan showed up at Blair’s house late at night (unclear as to whether the time frame made it an innocent visit or a booty call). He said he had been walking around the city plagued by one important question. Blair’s guess: “Why am I walking around the city when I live in Brooklyn?” Loved. Dan decided he wanted to kiss Blair just once to see if there was something more than just friendship between them. Blair adorably agreed and they both proceeded to move closer. Then, finally Blair just grabbed him and planted a major pucker. And then…FREEZE FRAME! We won’t know the result until April 18th!!!!! Argh!!!! But Serena and Chuck were on their way to Blair’s apartment!

I’m less interested in what’s going to happen with Lily and much more invested in the future of Dair. What do you think, GG fans? Excited to see William back? Happy to see Ben gone?

Episode Recaps

Gossip Girl

Spotted: Serena, Dan, Blair, Chuck, Vanessa, and Nate — hooking up, breaking up, and freaking out. You know you love it! XOXO!

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