Eric gets blackmailed on his 18th birthday while Blair struggles to keep up with her busy schedule.
Gossip Girl, Blake Lively
S4 E16
  • TV Show

My mind is spinning Gossip Girl watchers. It could be all the information packed into last night’s episode (particularly the final 20 minutes which were a veritable twist-a-palooza). Or it could be because I’ve been listening to Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” for the past week trying to figure out the identity of “Subway Kid.” It’s been a long week of Googling! “Subways and Kids.” “Kid from the subway.” “Subway sandwiches.” Who is this child of the subway? Of whom do you speak, Gaga?

Anyway, last night’s Gossip Girl was more stuffed with junk than those bizarre piñatas at Eric’s 18th bday (Who has piñatas past the age of 12?). It’s still not entirely clear to me what all went down (Who actually has the cocaine tulips?) but at least some of the more tepid plotlines (Bass Industries) seemed to be moved forward.

So, the episode was unique in the sense that we saw Blair on the verge of exhaustion. Usually, Ms. Waldorf is the picture of perfection — with the Chanel suit to match — but with her new gig at W, she’s a teeny bit sleep deprived. So Blair brought back her posse of headband-clad minions, including Penelope, to assist with the day-to-day existence of being Blair. I’m loving that we have barely seen Blair set foot on campus at Columbia since she transferred and that she’s still sitting in the intern closet while also writing her own branded online column. Of course. In reality, she would have flunked for not attending classes and would be sitting in a cubicle near the ladies room. Ah, the fantasy of Gossip Girl!

We got some good “Dair” action in this episode. Blair had to let down her guard and allow Dan to help her multitask. I’m just loving these two — do you agree GG fans? They’re so cute. And, again, I think it’s fantastic the way the writers have allowed this to truly grow over many episodes. I would be genuinely sad at this point if these two DIDN’T get together. I particularly enjoyed the final moments when they ordered pizza together and fell asleep watching movies. Blair goes Brooklyn!

Meanwhile, Chuck and Lily actually mended their broken relationship and managed to fool Russell Thorpe into thinking they were still at odds (one of the better twists of the episode). Lily even got to go all Mata Hari in this episode and flirted with Russell while Chuck snuck into the Thorpe offices.

In fact, Nate was also a double agent, in charge of keeping Raina busy while Chuck was doing all his breaking and entering. Nate ended up taking Raina ice-skating and keeping her from a meeting with Ivanka Trump. Can you imagine how angry Ivanka would be if she found out she got stood up for a spin around Wollman rink and some apple cider? Finger wag. My favorite part of the whole Central Park detour was that Raina thought Sheep’s Meadow was, in fact, full of sheep. Being the smarty he is, Nate doused Raina with some cider, which required an additional detour back to the Empire and for Raina to remove all of her clothes. Must have been a helluva big cup of a cider.

NEXT: Nate introduces Raina to Mary Jane

Nate had even better ideas after the cider spillage: Wii and weed!! Clearly, this dude is going to graduate with honors. It appears from their afternoon at the Empire that Nate and Raina might be a better possibility for coupling than Raina and Chuck. The pot and video games did allow us to watch Nate dance awkwardly while playing the Wii, which was another highlight. Gossip Girl should have more dance sequences.

Speaking of drugs, poor, sad Eric was blackmailed into becoming a drug mule for bad guy Damian. And it all happened on his 18th birthday! Somehow Damian had smuggled cocaine into several cases of pink tulips and wanted Eric to deliver them or plant them or something. Frankly, that sounds like the gayest drug smuggling scheme ever. But in a series of miscommunications and mix-ups, a.k.a. the juice GG lives on, the correct tulips weren’t picked up and so Damian came to Eric’s birthday party wanting $100,000 to pay off his clients. Is everyone keeping up? It’s a little convoluted and frankly I think I missed a few steps but whatever. Bottom line: Damian wants money from Eric to keep the secret of Lily’s forged affidavit.

Let’s take a detour into this weirdo fiesta. First of all, why would anyone let Damian come into this party? Secondly, who was on the guest list for this soiree? Eric was right when he said he had no friends. Literally there was some opera board member lady there who had to be like 45. Oh, and there were piñatas. Lots and lots of piñatas. I don’t think I need to say more…except that at an 18-year-old’s birthday party there were tons and tons of piñatas. And snow cone machines!!! Why, oh why, would other 18-year-olds not want to hang out with Eric?

And then Vanessa showed up!!! For like two minutes!!! And she wasn’t wearing a garish pattern!!! Or carrying coffee!!! Clearly, this time away has helped her. But she basically came running back to apologize for almost killing Serena (I think that at least deserves a basket of fine meats and cheeses), which Dan would just not accept. So Vanessa slunk away but not before overhearing Ben threaten to have Damian killed if he didn’t leave the Van Der Woodsens alone and admitting that he had Nate’s father beaten up in prison. That Vanessa has some good ears and terrible taxi hailing skills. Last we saw, she was calling Serena probably to warn her of Ben’s violent side but S was too busy gettin’ her freak on while wearing an outfit made almost entirely out of conflicting sequin patterns. Obvs, I loved it.

The final moments of the episode had Damian teaming up with Russell to unleash even more fury on the Van Der Woodsen/Bass/Humphrey clan. One can only expect that Damian will reveal the whole Lily/affidavit sitch to Russell.

Not a bad episode, if a little too jumbled in terms of plots. But I liked it better than last week. What did you think? Are you still falling in love with Dair? Were you pleased as punch to see Vanessa wearing something relatively simple?

Episode Recaps

Gossip Girl

Spotted: Serena, Dan, Blair, Chuck, Vanessa, and Nate — hooking up, breaking up, and freaking out. You know you love it! XOXO!

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