Dan and Blair compete for a magazine internship and Serena continues her bad streak in choosing men.
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Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CW

The bitch is back, Gossip Girl watchers. No, I don’t mean Juliet (where is that nut ball, by the way?) but the next best thing: me! I was off tackling some other talented youngsters over on Glee but now I’ve returned to kids who know a little bit more about Stella McCartney than Stephen Sondheim. It felt good to be back with the denizens of the Upper East Side, like reuniting with that snobby friend that you fell out with but then reconciled because you really wanted access to their closet. I think we’ve all been there.

But it was also nice to come back to an amusing and somewhat nostalgic installment of GG. In fact, the entire episode was ripe with mentions of former lives (Rufus’ cafe, Coffee Shop, Jonathan). For all of you loyal GG watchers, there were some surprising blasts from the past…although I’m kinda guessing that’s the first time Jonathan and “blast” were ever paired together. We’ll get to that boring gay in a little bit but first I wanna discuss the fun stuff!

So Dan and Blair (“Dair”) are continuing their weird little friendship dance with strolls and afternoons at the movies. While a part of me just feels like they’re basically the last couple producers have to pair up, another part of me loves their potential romance. They’re both big ole snobs and it’s always good to have something in common when beginning a relationship…or so I’m told. Blair is always best when she has someone to spar with and Dan is a surprisingly good opponent. I sorta think Dan should consider going into writing for a CW teen soap.

I also liked tonight’s episode because it was partially set in the world of magazines. It’s always hilarious to me when people attempt to make magazine offices seem so much more dramatic and heightened like other businesses. Tonight’s portrayal at least wasn’t as bad as some (and Dan was right that it’s incredibly hard to get a magazine internship in New York). Still, Dan would definitely not be able to attend the W party as an intern. Honestly, I’m always most impressed with interns when they can transcribe really well. Getting famous authors to show up is not high on my list but then again I don’t work at W. Still, I really liked Dan and Blair facing off and trying up one another in the office. Dan showcased his latte-making skills and referenced Rufus’ old coffee shop! Oh those were the days! Clearly Vanessa gave Dan some tips. And I loooved when Blair tried to distract Dan by yelling out, “Oh look—it’s Georgina’s baby!” Wonderful.

In the end, Blair decided not to sabotage Dan’s attempt to get Jeremiah Harris to attend the W event; clearly, it’s evidence that she has some sort of fondness for him. It was Dan’s turn to be the bitch this time with him canceling Blair’s author, Lorrie Moore. Another fave moment was each of them looking at their respective copies of the guest list. Some of the potential guests? Jessica Biel, Jessica Stam, L’Wren Scott and all with fake phone numbers attached! Who here tried calling one of those numbers last night?

NEXT: Serena contemplates a future with an organic farmer!

Dan got screwed out of yet another internship because of an Upper East Side princess (he told the intern coordinator that Blair was responsible for bringing Jeremiah to the party so that she would get her dream job back) and then Blair showed up in crazy hot pink shorts and tights. Frankly, I think Dan came out better. I have a firm belief people should not wear shorts to work except in cases of extreme heat. Just my own feeling.

Serena continued with her bizarre obsession with this Ben guy, which I just don’t get. I know she feels bad and had like a schoolgirl crush on him but, lady, there are hotter fish in the sea. Also, he just is soooo boring. Like Serena he wants to work on an organic farm. I mean hi. ‘Nuff said. What in the hell would these two have to talk about? Ben: “My radishes are really big this year.” Serena: “My boobs are really big this year.” I don’t see a future.

The tension between Serena and Lily got even worse when she discovered that Lily was attempting to pay Ben off to leave town. Clearly, there’s more to this organic farmer than meets the eye. To be fair, Lily’s behavior does seem incredibly shady. Handing over $30,000 in a manila envelope so someone can leave town? That feels very Corleone.

The Ben situation has also been weighing hard on poor Eric. Feeling like no one was around to hang with him or talk to him, Eric did what anyone would do: choose to spend quality time with a skeevy drug dealer who’s partially responsible for almost killing his sister. I mean it’s all very logical. Eric told everyone he had been staying with Elliot but in fact was hangin’ with hottie Damian. I’m still not really clear why Eric was staying with Damian (aside from the homoerotic fun of it all) and his admittance to Rufus that he was in fact taking pills was really anticlimactic.

This whole situation brought Jonathan, aka Human Ambien, back into the picture. If Eric was having so much trouble snoozing then he simply needs to start hanging out with this dude again. Why are there no fun gays in this world? In fact, why are there no fun teens for Eric to hang out with? This dude needs to join some intramural clubs or something.

Ben weirdly confronted Damian at the end of the episode (in what appeared to be the THIRD scene set at Coffee Shop—is it 1997?). I’m not really sure where this whole thing is leading. Is Ben the crazy? Or is Damian? Also, are they both secretly gay? That’s all I could come up with. Damian seemed real comfortable to flirt with Eric and he has very gay hair. Meanwhile, Ben keeps rejecting Serena’s advances. But I tend to think everyone’s gay.

The least interesting plotline has got to be this whole Bass Industries takeover thingy. I honestly don’t even know what to write about it because it just leaves me cold. Business deals are boring enough but fake business stuff is even worse—that’s a little lesson I learned after watching Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. It saddles Chuck and Nate with such an unexciting story. I didn’t really care about the Captain and his shadiness the first time so I definitely don’t now. Plus this Raina character is no fun. She needs to vamp it up a little or something.

What did you think of last night’s Gossip Girl? I think it was amusing but still a little uneven. Is Ben a villain? Or a heartthrob? Why would Eric EVER hang out with Damian? And would you wear hot pink shorts to work?

Episode Recaps

Gossip Girl

Spotted: Serena, Dan, Blair, Chuck, Vanessa, and Nate — hooking up, breaking up, and freaking out. You know you love it! XOXO!

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