Chuck, Serena, and the rest of the gang set out to trap Gabriel and Poppy but only snared the old Georgina

By Tim Stack
Updated May 05, 2009 at 04:00 AM EDT
Giovanni Rufino/The CW

Gossip Girl

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”You can tell Jesus that the bitch is back.” Would it be wrong for me to have that tattooed on my body? That might be my favorite Gossip Girl quote ever. Ever! I may have to get a T-shirt made with that written on it. Or at least a nice bumper sticker. And it’s about time. We had to sit through almost two whole episodes with the goody, goody Georgina. And while the reformed G. was fun for a while, I much prefer my Georgina Sparks to be down and dirty. I cannot wait to see what evil Georgina has planned for Poppy.

But before all of this we had a pretty jam-packed episode that marked the return of Little Gay, a.k.a. Eric. I don’t know where he’s been all this time but it was clearly somewhere that had a kick-ass salon by the looks of his dashing new hairdo. Good work, Eric. Now stop dating people that I find unattractive and boring. It was really cute, though, that Rufus felt the need to ask Eric’s permission to propose to Lily since he was the man of the house.

So Gabriel finally came clean to Serena — after she faked a pregnancy scare. Classy S. Very classy. Is it just me or is Armie Hammer (who plays Gabriel) not a good actor? He’s awfully purdy but I’ve seen infomercial hosts selling spray-on hair be more convincing. Still, I have a feeling we haven’t seen the end of Gabriel. It also seems a little fishy that Chuck and Serena would just take Gabriel’s word that Poppy was the mastermind behind this whole thing. Also, this probably marks the first time someone named Poppy was called a ”mastermind.” (I was totally into the outfit Serena wore to meet Gabriel. Loved the jacket. Loved the shoes. Loved the blouse. And Serena’s bad hair phase seems to be over. Maybe she and Eric are now going to the same salon.)

The best episodes of Gossip Girl are when all of the cast comes together. I just love seeing them all act in scenes. It makes me happy, quite frankly. Like the scene when Georgina arrived at Serena’s apartment and scared the bejeesus out of everyone was classic. Dan: ”Uh, we have to get this crazy lady out of here!” I also adored the look that Blair gave Georgina outside of the Palace when Georgina tried to grab her purse. It was the definitive Blair stare of death.

Blair’s makeover of Georgina was pretty great, though. Loved the scene where she tried to woo Georgina back over to the dark side. ”If you cut ‘revenge’ out of the Bible, there’s not even enough pages to make a pamphlet.” Hilarious. And, of course, Blair styled Georgina with a headband. Of course! Chuck sniffing Georgina was fantastic; couldn’t tell if he was sizing up a potential prey or mate.

Dan became the most annoying tattletale in this episode. Is he like a 65-year-old man trapped in a teenager’s body? I kinda understand him telling Lily, since it is his college money but then calling her again and asking why his father is getting dividends? Dan, go find Vanessa and make some cappuccinos.

NEXT: Poppy gets away

And while you’re out foaming milk with Vanessa, can you bring Jenny along with you? She seems to spend every waking hour strolling around town with her father. Is there a equivalent for teens with no friends? She also seems to wear the same outfit on every episode. If Jenny’s in a scene, you can bet there’s a leather motorcycle jacket, skinny black jeans, and pearls. She did have a nice moment, stalling Lily for her dad by explaining the Twilight saga. Maybe Jenny should start a book club?

Speaking of other drags, Nate was a big ole wet mop. He mostly just hovered around and got cranky when Chuck showed up.

If ever there was a scene that proved Chuck and Blair should be together it was their moment at the Russian Tea Room. Ah-mazing. I didn’t want it to end. Both actors were superb. It’s impressive that even with characters as ice-cold as Chuck and Blair, Ed Westwick and Leighton Meester are able to make us care about him. When Chuck told Serena that he let Blair go because he did truly love her, I got a little misty.

It was so random, though, that Serena ended up getting arrested at the restaurant and Poppy got away scot-free. Lily has never been the best mother but that’s definitely a bizarre parenting choice. I really don’t understand her whole theory of sweeping this under the table and letting Poppy fly the coop. I mean is Serena’s reputation that stellar? Helloooo, last year she admitted to killing a man. I think a ponzi scheme falls slightly below manslaughter.

Rufus has slowly become the Brooklyn hipster equivalent of Sherlock Holmes. He’s always uncovering secrets and rooting around in people’s private things. I understand he was upset about Lily trying to help him out financially but the dude would have to accept the fact that she’ll always be wealthier than him. Her money isn’t gonna go away if they get married. And this is what will drive them apart? Really? Come on, Rufus. Also, were you really gonna just propose to her in her apartment with some lilies? That’s it? I feel like you gotta go a little bigger for Lily. I know Jenny thought he made the whole thing more personal but it seemed a little lame.

So next week is the big GG flashback episode, the pseudo-pilot for a potential spin-off. If you pick up this week’s EW, I was on set for one of the flashback scenes and I have to say that everything I saw looked promising. The flashback stuff looked totally fun and little brighter than GG. Plus, No Doubt guest-stars and performs a rollicking cover of Adam and the Ants ”Stand and Deliver.” I’m pretty stoked to see how it’s all edited together.

What did you think of this week’s Gossip Girl? Will Lily and Rufus get back together? Will Jenny ever switch up her wardrobe? What is Georgina planning to do to Poppy?

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Spotted: Serena, Dan, Blair, Chuck, Vanessa, and Nate — hooking up, breaking up, and freaking out. You know you love it! Xoxo!
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