The Girls return to the scene of the original crime as things with Rio reach a boiling point.
There’s something poignant about a season finishing where it began, especially if the leads have grown and come back a little wiser and a little more self-aware. Tonight the Girls come full circle, returning to the original scene of the crime, but not before taking care of business.
Namely, they start with the business of figuring out how to get rid of Rio before he gets rid of them. In concurrent scenes, the Girls are brainstorming ideas for Rio Cleanse 2018 while the boss himself is seen sitting in his car, checking his rearview. Far-fetched though they may be, Annie’s the only one coming up with suggestions, the most hilarious being mind-control. With this, Ruby gets ready to go, but Annie and Beth warn her against leaving herself vulnerable to a hit. This shakes her enough to make her decide to crash on Beth’s couch for the night. Rio, meanwhile, finally gets out of his car and heads into a diner to meet Agent Turner who was clearly not waiting for Rio. When Turner tells Rio that he’ll talk to Eddie, Rio snorts, “Good luck with that.”
The next day at the hospital Ruby and Stan are getting the news they’ve both looked forward to and dreaded: The donor kidney will become available within a day, but that means they’re going to have to pony up $87,400.53. Doing what any desperate parents would do, they write a check knowing full well there’s not enough money in their account to cover it. At least it’ll buy them time.
Once home they check their bank account and the GoFundMe, but there’s only a combined and depressing $4,300 — a far cry from the 87Gs needed to pay for the transplant. As Stan astutely says, their check is not just gonna bounce, it’s gonna ricochet.
From the best husband to the worst, Dean is eating car seat French fries out of their minivan before making a plea to Beth for their marriage by asking her if she knows what Wednesday is. “Trash day,” Beth answers absentmindedly because she’s distracted by a car across the street. Dean asks her to dinner in order to celebrate their 20th anniversary, while also telling her they need to make a call on their marriage. “Is it our anniversary or just another Wednesday?” he implores.
Before heading to work, Annie drops Sadie off at her new school while peppering her with questions under the presumption that it’s a horrible place and Sadie is miserable. But it’s only Annie who looks miserable as she starts her shift at Fine & Frugal, especially when Boomer brings over a new employee named Sally who somehow started three days ago but who’s already being groomed for assistant manager. Boomer brags that he needs to start delegating more because he’s dating someone “very special” before chiding Annie for a drawer that was 78 cents short last night. Without missing a beat, Annie grabs the Support Our Children charity bucket, plucks out 78 cents, and deposits the coins in her register. Boomer and Sally look equally appalled as Boomer tells Sally she’s going to need to keep an eye on the checkout girls — especially Annie. He continues his training by mentioning that Sally will need to make sure the vault matches the day receipts, giving Annie an idea.
Annie pages Beth and Ruby 911 to share her brilliance with them, but they’re initially perturbed that they were texted that there was an emergency, and, yet, Annie appears to be fine. Ignoring their annoyance, Annie asks them what’s the one thing they know about Rio that the cops don’t? Ruby answers, “He wears his hoodie funny,” while Beth piggybacks, “Like half on, half off.” After Ruby furthers the drag by adding that Rio needs to make up his mind, Annie agrees, but adds that the cops also don’t know that Rio launders money through the Fine & Frugal. While they can’t just tell the FBI how they know this, Annie tells them they just need to give them a reason to look. Plus, this way, they can take a little extra to cover Sara’s surgery.
And so we’ve come full circle. Another crude Home Alone-esque store blueprint is drawn, only this time our Girls are smarter — Annie, especially. She tells them about the security upgrades, including a brand new vault. After Ruby asks about Boomer, Annie tells them that he’s found love, to which Ruby replies, “With what?” But the funniest commentary is on Tyler, the security guard. He’s apparently lost seven pounds, which Annie points out might make him run a little faster; however, his recent discovery of pho means he’ll have longer dinner breaks. The other obstacles the Girls are facing are panic buttons at each register, slippery linoleum floors, and infrared motion detectors at the loading docks. No biggie.
Beth offloads the kids on Dean, while giving the poor bastard hope by telling him that he can go ahead and make dinner reservations. It’s unclear whether or not she’s doing this because she’s genuinely interested in rebuilding their relationship or because it’s an easier way to get him to stop trying to interfere with her plans. I lean toward the latter as she says, “Love you guys,” while obviously talking to the kids.
Because Sara is due for surgery, she’s on an a clear liquid diet to prep, and true to #familygoals, the Hills decide that they’re all going to follow suit because there’s nothing worse than when you’re stuck sipping on chicken broth and the person next to you is eating food that requires teeth. Naturally Sara wants pizza instead, but Stan and Ruby manage to convince both kids that their bowls of broth are filled with all the same flavor notes as a pineapple and pepperoni pizza. As the parents leave their bowls to the kids and retreat to the kitchen, Ruby tells Stan that corporate came through with the advance. She inflates the lie by telling him she’s heading down to the headquarters to get the money as soon as they open. Being the good spouse that he is, he doesn’t want her driving all night by herself, but she tells him Beth’s volunteered to go with her.
“Nobody move — this is a robbery!” Beth yells once again as she and Ruby enter the Fine & Frugal for their second heist. It’s not long before we realize it’s only two Girls, but then when Beth asks who’s in charge, the camera pans to Sally going to hit her register panic button just as Annie — who’s clearly working a shift — answers, “It’s me, I am.” Look how our Girls have grown! Beth herds all the customers into an aisle as Ruby plucks Annie to go open the vault. Annie tells Sally not to be a hero, to turn over her key card. Beth is on crowd control, telling everyone to keep their heads down like “nap time” as she hilariously demonstrates what she means. Ruby roughs Annie up a little to “make it real” as she pushes her to the office. They fumble with the cards on Sally’s key ring, eventually causing the card to fall into a vent in the floor. They have six minutes before the cops rain hell upon the store, and only Ruby has long enough arms to dig for the card. When she asks if anyone else has a card, the show cuts to Mary Pat line dancing with Boomer who is blissfully unaware that his store is getting hit a second time.
As they continue fumbling for the card, Beth is punching in a three-digit code on all the registers, causing them to print the day’s receipts before shoving them into a manila envelope and writing something on the outside. Ruby “Sauce Arms” Hill comes through in the clutch, getting the key card out, and then heading to the front of the store again where she tells Beth they’re “good to go” as we see the cops arriving. Everything is going to plan, except as Annie is taping some money around her middle, Tyler catches her mid-act, and he has a gun. He tells her to put the money back as she’s nearing tears. She tries different tactics to get him to look the other way — everything from offering to split the money with him to offering to be his girlfriend. I laugh out loud when he tells her he’s gay, if only because the line is delivered so perfectly, and it’s just the right amount of comedy to break the unfathomable tension as we watch the cops draw their guns and stalk through the different areas of the store. It’s at this moment that we also notice that Beth and Ruby have removed their masks and positioned themselves face down in the aisle next to the other customers so as to look like they were customers, too.
It’s not until we see Annie sitting on the back of an ambulance that we realize Tyler’s final price: He wants to be the hero. Annie lays it on thick with the cops as she tells them that Tyler was like “Van Damme meets Bruce Lee, but more lethal.” He’s so proud of himself as the officers congratulate him and shake his hand, and it’s easily one of the saddest scenes in the episode.
An unmarked car pulls up to the store, and Agent Turner jumps out. Inside, he finds the manila envelope on top of the cash inside the vault. We see that the outside of the envelope has his name written on it before the camera slowly closes in on Beth’s mask sitting on top of the coat drive box in the office.
The next day Mary Pat is ironing when one of her sons asks her what the beeping noise in their house is. The two go on a hunt for the source of the chirping until Mary Pat locates it. She finds the hidden recorder in Boomer’s hymnal, which had gone off because the memory was full.
At the hospital, Ruby triumphantly hands over $87,500 in cash as she apologizes for not having smaller bills. She tells the woman to shred the check, and then goes to find Stan. They cannot believe they’ve finally made it — in more ways than one.
Annie goes to pick up Sadie from school, but she is nowhere to be found and is not answering Annie’s texts. As Annie goes to check the school quad she sees a visibly happy Sadie laughing and playing with new friends.
Mary Pat pays Beth a visit at home, telling her about the recording device she found. Beth asks her about her new guy, and Mary Pat says she feels like an idiot as she thumbs through her phone to find a picture of the two of them together. Beth recognizes Boomer immediately, and she tells Mary Pat she’s going to need a drink as she settles in to share the truth about Mary Pat’s boyfriend.
Dean is leaving work with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He tells one of his sales associates that he has a hot date. On his way home, Dean is belting out Eric Carmen’s “Make Me Lose Control,” but as he gets momentarily distracted by a good looking jogger, a truck T-bones him. Talk about prophesizing.
At the hospital, Beth is told by a Dr. Peters that Dean is going to be fine — he just has some minor whiplash and a couple of bruised ribs. She hands Beth a prescription for pain medicine, and Beth asks if it’ll interfere with radiation. When she tells Dr. Peters that she’s worried about the side effects, it quickly becomes clear to Beth that Dean does not have cancer.
Beth sits down in the waiting area, Dean’s voice playing in her head, echoing that he has cancer. The TV blaring above her distracts her as the news reports that gang members were indicted on racketeering charges. She watches with the slightest hint of a smile as Rio is in cuffs and placed into an unmarked car.
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At the diner Beth tells Annie and Ruby that she’s “done something.” As soon as she utters those words, Ruby and Annie half-joke about PTSD. Beth continues with her story, telling them how earlier that day she went to Canada and managed to convince Big Mike that now he works for them. The story is elaborate and incredibly detailed, and Beth finishes by telling them that she has six huge boxes of wrapping paper in the back of her van. Annie and Ruby are in complete awe until Beth starts laughing, admitting that it was all made up. When Annie says she’s kind of sad it’s not true, Beth tells her, “Well, it could be.”
Boomer knocks on Mary Pat’s door. He’s drunk and he’s pissed because his store was hit, and he chooses now to admit that he knows that Mary Pat is in on some shady business with the Girls. When Mary Pat asks him about Annie, he calls her garbage. “Is that why you tried to rape her?” she asks him. Boomer then launches into the Sexual Assaulters Oath, telling Mary Pat that Annie is a “walking billboard for S-E-X,” and that as such she was asking for it. He continues to word vomit by explaining that Annie is a tease and pushed his buttons, and all he was doing was giving her what she came looking for. Mary Pat pulls down the hymnal from her bookshelf, which was recording him the entire time. He has the audacity to ask her why she would record him before telling her he wants the recording device back. “Just because you want something, doesn’t give you the right to take it,” Mary Pat measuredly tells him.
Annie and Greg are drinking Cinnamon Schnapps on football field bleachers. Annie is feeling a range of emotions about what she witnessed earlier with Sadie and her friends. Namely she feels guilty about keeping Sadie from a school that is clearly so accepting. She admits that perhaps she’s not the only person who knows what’s best for her, and it’s clear that it’s Annie who’s perhaps done the most growing in the course of a season.
Sara comes through her surgery with flying colors, and is hungry like she has the munchies. Ruby and Stan go in search of Jell-O for her, and Stan tells her when they’re outside of Sara’s room that the Feds and Detroit Police Department took down Eddie’s gang. Ruby pretends to be surprised as Stan asks her what to do. Before she can respond, he tells her how they wouldn’t have found out about the money laundering if two women hadn’t robbed the store a couple of nights ago — the same night she was supposed to be heading to corporate with Beth. When Ruby asks him how he thinks she could ever do that, he is especially somber when he answers, “Your face, right now.” She tells him that they had no choice before he reminds her that she asked him what it would take for him to walk out the door. “You know the answer and you did it anyway,” he laments.
In the final scene of the season, Beth comes home to hear Rio’s voice shout, “Hey, honey, I’m home.” As Beth enters the dining room, she sees broken furniture and a mildly beaten Rio sitting at the head of the table with a severely beaten Dean next to him. Dean’s hands are tied behind him and Rio has him by the neck. Beth asks Rio to let Dean go, but he tells her, “You can’t even handle a little blood? That’s what all this is. You got big plans, but, see, you didn’t think things all the way through. You want to be the king, you gotta kill the king. This stuff’s medieval, darling.” She begs him not to kill them, and he starts cruelly laughing, the sound hanging in the thick air like a warning shot of the evil to come. He tells her he’s not going to kill anybody — she is. Then he cocks his gun, and slides it down the length of the table in her direction. “So whatchu think? You got what it takes?”
Sometimes growth isn’t always for the better. Heavy is the head that wears the crown.