Rachel throws an anti-prom party and Quinn is keeping a big secret

By Erin Strecker
Updated May 09, 2012 at 05:45 AM EDT
Mike Yarish/FOX

Glee

S3 E19
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To quote our great leader, Brittany S. Pierce, “Hello, my fellow Americans. The theme for this year’s prom will be dinosaurs. I was inspired by the new girl, Joe, who reminds me of a cavewoman. The refreshments will be berries, meat and cave water.” Think back to your prom experience: Would it have been more fun if you could have dressed up like Barney or done an homage to Jurassic Park?

Student body president Brittany had your T-Rex-loving back last night, and ruled out themes such as “castles in the clouds” or “stairway to heaven” in favor of the more obscure but more-easy-to-perform-a-choreographed-Ke$ha-dance-number to “Dinosaur.” “Your Love Is My Drug” would have been a fun Ke$ha song/prom theme, but probably not the right message for a high school. Not to mention the fact that Brittany wanted to celebrate that dinosaurs and cavemen lived together peacefully, according to the Bible.

The gang mostly all attended prom last year — where Kurt was crowned prom queen as a mean joke, but he sashay-ed in there with enough poise to make Kate Middleton jealous and made it work — so it was obvious why Kurt and Blaine weren’t feeling too festive this time around. Joining them in their pity party was one Rachel Berry, who was understandably devastated by recent events. She sang a very sad version of Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” backed by dream duo Kurt and Blaine, before she hit on her inspiration: Anti.Prom.Party. Hasn’t pretty much every high school outcast thought of this idea at one point or another?

After last year’s Kurt fiasco, you might have thought Principal Figgins would ban crowning anyone this year. But no, Sue announced the nominations, per usual. For king: Rick “The Stick” Nelson, Finn and Brittany. For queen: Missy, Santana and Quinn. Obviously Quinn. She’s in a wheelchair and I assume most students at McKinley have seen Mean Girls. They know how this works — and so did Quinn. As prom campaigning was raging in full force, she had no problem milking her injury for sympathy votes.

Quinn and Finn as a possible prom queen and king was one blow too many for Ms. Berry, so her “anti-prom” soiree was going forward with full force. Since Santana called her out for making prom/senior spring all about herself, the only other attendees were Kurt, Blaine, Puck, and Becky, who was upset she wasn’t voted as a queen nominee. She shouldn’t be too upset, though — she had essentially real queen/possibly Helen Mirren performing her inner monologue. Once they got to the hotel, Blaine wanted to chill out and watch some Bravo (Dream date!) but Becky got raunchy and wanted to play strip poker. She even brought condoms.

NEXT: Quinn has a secret

At the actual prom, Brittany kicked things off right by performing the one pop song with a prehistoric edge: “Dinosaur” by Ke$ha. It was auto-tuned within an inch of its life, but Brittany can totally move. If anything like that happened at your prom, I’m definitely going to need to hear about it in the comments.

Finn had to make an appearance as a king nominee before he could head over to the hotel for the real party Von Trapp Family sing along with Kurt and Rachel, but first he walked in on Quinn standing at the sink in the bathroom. The shocking thing about that sentence should be that Finn was in the ladies room, but I’m ignoring that in favor of talking about QUINN FAKING HER INJURY. Wow. I did not see that coming — maybe because it’s a horribly selfish thing to do. I’m assuming she’s just been faking it recently, a.k.a. she was seriously injured when a car smashed into hers, but her therapy with Joe had worked more quickly than expected or something, because there is no way she got off injury free. She explained to Finn she liked the attention and begged him to stay at the prom and have one dance with her. Finn told her: “You’re the same old Quinn. All that matters is you.” Which, right then, sounded about right.

For whatever reason, Finn didn’t leave the prom right away, and Quinn once again asked if he would dance with her. Santana was currently leading “Love You Like A Love Song” while a very cute Sam and Mercedes were getting close. Finn said he would dance with her, “As soon as you stand up and show everyone how much you deserve this. How much you deserve to be prom queen.” There goes her sympathy votes. Joe saw the commotion and rushed to Quinn’s aid. Poor Joe. Joe and Finn started shoving each other, and Sue jumped in as Finn decided to take off. Remember last year when Finn got into a prom fight with Jesse St. James? Memories!

As Finn arrived at the hotel, Rachel was doing a fashion show/hanging out in the bathroom, and the gang, minus Puck and Becky, decided they didn’t want to miss any more of their senior prom and headed back to the gymnasium. They were just in time to catch most of the Glee guys performing “What Makes You Beautiful.” Cutaway of the night went to Principal Figgins — even he couldn’t resist busting a move once that crazy catchy tune took over (a similar phenomenon happens with “Call Me Maybe,” FYI).

Back at anti-prom, Becky and Puck played strip poker, which left Puck in his underwear in no time. Writing this, I’m starting to suspect this end game was the whole point of anti-prom. I’m not complaining; just an observation. Anyway, after Puck got physically bare, Becky decided to get emotionally bare — This show goes deep! — and she explained to Puck she couldn’t go back to the prom because she desperately wanted to be a queen. Puck decided now was as good a time as any to be a nice guy, and he made cardboard crowns for both of them. Off Pucky went to the real prom. Don’t worry — it wasn’t all sweetness and slow dances. They also spiked the punch.

NEXT: The Prom King and Queen are…

Outside the gymnasium, Quinn and Rachel talked. Or rather, Rachel laid on a huge accidental guilt trip, because she told Quinn she still idolized her, and always had, and that was why she got so crazy about the posters of Finn and Quinn campaigning together. Rachel explained she had had a tough couple of weeks, but that “When I look back on my high school career, the one thing I’m going to be so proud of is being your friend.” She then genuinely wished Quinn good luck and told her she voted for her for prom queen. Quinn was obviously secretly upset by this news, and as she and Santana counted the votes, and determined that Quinn won by just one vote, she knew there was only one thing she could do: lie, and claim that a huge wave of write-in votes gave Rachel the title.

With Santana backing Quinn up, Rachel got her crown, and Finn was named prom king. [Side note: How pretty did Rachel look? For a girl that wears knee-high socks an uncomfortable amount of the time, her prom ensemble was classic and gorgeous.] The duo got their dance together while Quinn took that moment on stage to take her own first step toward being a better person. With Santana’s help, Quinn stood on her own and left the wheelchair behind. The real shocker: Santana and Quinn doing something nice for someone else. I’m with Sam — it was a prom miracle.

Musical Grades:

“Big Girls Don’t Cry”: I loved Rachel soulful version of this on her own. I wasn’t as big of a fan of Blaine and Kurt’s harmonies in the later verses. B

“Dinosaur”: … In our live blog poll, 72% of you voted “So Bad It’s Great.” Thoughts?

Love You Like A Love Song”: The dino theme kind of went extinct after one song. The original “Love Song” is a standard pop jam with limited vocals and is undeniably fun and catchy. This Santana cover was the same. Which means I’m also going to be jamming to this in my car as well. B

“What Makes You Beautiful”: All I’m going to say is that if Sam, Mike, Artie, Rory and Joe formed a boy band, I would buy that CD. B+

“Take My Breath Away”: Cheesy ’80s number at the high school prom? Check. I actually really enjoyed Santana and Quinn’s voices together. The silly prom photos were a nice touch. B+

NEXT: Top Lines plus Blaine sans hair gel

–In the most random subplot ever, Blaine being unable to use hair gel (after he was set up as such an expert last week!) was an unexpected treat. The big obvious reveal with the fro — which is nothing compared to how totally awesome Darren Criss sometimes looks — made me giggle.

–Brittany’s prom hat was awesome. Someone has clearly been inspired by Christina Aguilera on The Voice. And the Mad Hatter.

“Prom sucks. Let’s get wasted.” –Becky

“Commercials aren’t real life. Advertisers are manipulative alcoholics who use images to play on our emotions. Haven’t you seen Mad Men?” –Sue

“What are you looking at, Jar Jar Binks?” –Sue about Joe

“Would you mind taking your loser talk somewhere else? I don’t want to catch your failure.” –Becky

“Let’s go all Sound of Music and make some old-time-y couture out of the drapes and sheets.” –Kurt and Rachel, a walking Bravo show that I would Tivo every episode of

“It’s a prom miracle.” –Sam

“Bow down to your new leaders.” –Principal Figgins to the student body about newly crowned Rachel and Finn

What did you all think of “Prom-asaurus”? Were you surprised Rachel won prom queen over Quinn? What did you think of Quinn’s lying? Would you watch a buddy comedy starring Becky and Puck? And who was your favorite prom couple: Santana and Brittany, Rachel and Finn, or Blaine and his hair?

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Glee

Jane Lynch, Lea Michele, and high school anxiety star in Fox’s campy musical.
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