A ton of surprising hookups happen, Will and Emma’s wedding does not. Plus: Rachel is [spoiler alert!]

By Erin Strecker
Updated February 15, 2013 at 06:02 AM EST
Adam Rose/Fox

Oh. My. God. What a Valentine’s Day for our Glee crew. It seemed like there was a big bombshell every couple of minutes last night: Emma Runaway Bride’d her wedding! Pretty much all the characters had sex with their exes! And – biggest of all – Rachel is probably pregnant. Dun dun dunnn.

Much like all of you, I’m freaking out. Maybe I was in a haze thinking about all the other characters suddenly getting together at what turned out to be the social event of the season for Lima, but I did not see that pregnancy bombshell coming, even though the Glee team totally Chekhov gunned us what with Rachel catching the bouquet in the first act (big life change!) and all the sex in the second act. But honestly, so much craziness went down last night that prior to the last-minute reveal, it would have been a game-changing episode regardless…just not for the reasons we might have thought going in (Emma didn’t become Mrs. Schuester after all). Let’s dive in from the beginning.

After Finn and Emma’s surprise kiss last week, Finn was feeling incredibly guilty and Emma was trying to brush it off and move forward with the wedding. But she was continuing to freak out, and even Will’s reappearance (Welcome back, Schuester!) couldn’t calm her down. So it shouldn’t have been any surprise when she ditched the wedding before her big walk down the aisle, leading Sue (in a matching wedding dress) to book it down the aisle and inform Will that Emma had just pulled a Julia Roberts for this whole production. Schu was devastated, kind of. He really wanted to marry Emma, but it also sounded like he didn’t want to get in the way of a party for all the college freshmen to reacquaint themselves with one another (Read: They all hooked up), so Schuester decided the reception must go on!

And go on it did. After starting things off on the right foot in the back of a car (just bros helping bros!), Kurt and Blaine were all over each other all night long, whether that meant singing a swoon-worthy, perfectly choreographed duet at the reception, dancing to a ballad, or hooking up in a hotel room upstairs! Happy Valentine’s Day to us all, Klaine fans. After they had hooked up, how adorable did Blaine look when he gave his little speech about how they would always be together and that this wasn’t casual, whether or not Kurt realized it yet. I’m afraid Blaine is going to get his heart completely broken, but for now, it was the most adorable moment of the episode.

NEXT: Quinn and Santana!?!?!I also enjoyed that Kurt finally shut down the Tina crazy train. He was direct at the reception: “You’re all hagged out. You’re in love with Blaine and it’s creepy. STOP.” When Tina admitted to rubbing vaporizing cream on Blaine’s chest while Blaine was asleep, Kurt was just the right amount of creeped out, which was to say, a ton. “Did you vapor-rape my ex-boyfriend? Don’t walk away from me, Tina Cohen-Chang!” But afterwards, at school, Tina apologized to them both, and they both kindly let it go, after Blaine stressed to her once again that it was never going to happen between them. Kurt invited Tina to join them for a movie, and the three friends headed off on a new chapter together — a chapter that hopefully involves Kurt and Blaine giving it another shot.

Also figuring out a new chapter? Finn and Rachel. Tons of fans are pulling for those two crazy kids and it was easy to see why last night. Early in the episode, Finn confessed to Rachel about the Emma kiss, and she was supportive about not saying anything and just being there for Emma and Will. After the non-wedding, Rachel caught the bouquet, and Finn and Rachel had a lovely — and kind of sexy, right? – heart-to-heart where Finn gave a sweet speech: “You’re my girlfriend. We are end game. You know that and I know that.” Regardless of what “label-free, mature conversation-having, Sex and the City-esque” thing Rachel had going on with Brody, Finn didn’t care. You could tell Rachel was totally into his proclamation, and also that at least part of her realized it was completely true. Cut to the two of them heading up to a hotel room and Rachel taking off her dress.

But even Klaine and Finchel briefly getting together weren’t the only relationship bombshells happening at that wedding. It seemed like all of McKinley celebrated a post-high school tradition as old as time. They looked at their former paramours and thought, “Eh. Might as well,” and booked it to the nearest bedroom, which, happily for them, was right upstairs. I would have believed that maybe Finn and Rachel and Kurt and Blaine would hook up again, but Quinn and Santana did as well. Say what? It may not have seemed possible prior to this episode, but Santana was getting handsy pretty much the moment the two sat down in the pews. Quinn told Santana – and viewers – this was a one (or two!) time thing for her, but who knows? To paraphrase Emma, these kids are so incestuous, I can’t keep up.

NEXT: Rachel gets a bombshell

Also grabbing a hotel room? Artie and Emma’s niece (Glee Project 2 runner up Ali Stroker) and – almost – Jake and Marley. Jake spent the hour giving Marley sweet Valentine’s Day gifts thought up by Ryder, who is definitely still 100% in love with Marley. Marley seemed to enjoy all the attention Jake was giving her, but at the end of the episode – after Marley told Jake she wasn’t ready to have sex with him – we discovered that Marley knew Ryder was helping Jake out with the presents. She thanked him, which was sweet, but then Ryder got a ton bolder and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. Everybody Loves Marley! He apologized, but she seemed uncomfortable and left. Something tells me Jake and Ryder’s friendship may have run its course.

Back to the moment of the hour: After Finn and Rachel hooked up, Rachel headed back to New York and a Valentine’s-themed decorated apartment courtesy of Brody. The two talked and Brody asked her if she’d seen Finn. She said that Finn was “fine,” and Brody thanked her for being honest. She asked him what he’d been up to, and he told her nothing. But we saw a flashback that had him walking out of a hotel room counting a wad of cash. Which can only mean bad things for our favorite NYADA upperclassman. Brody is a prostitute. Or a drug dealer. Or maybe he just does private musical theater shows and then lies about it? There are really no good options here.

Which is bad news for Rachel because she is probably carrying his child. The ending was a bit vague timeline-wise because the show’s final moments involved the McKinley kids singing “Anything Could Happen” (timely!) for Finn and Schu, while back in New York Rachel flipped through a calendar and realized she might be pregnant. The final moment had Rachel sitting in the bathroom alone taking a pregnancy test, and then looking at the result with an emotion that was pretty far from joy. So it’s looking like she’s pregnant, either with Brody’s kid if no time has passed (likely), or possibly Finn’s if a few weeks might have gone by. Either way, if she is pregnant, this is not exactly the ideal situation for a Broadway-bound NYADA student.

That said, I can’t wait to see how this all plays out. Right now, my guess is that she is pregnant and it’s Brody’s kid, but that she’s going to soon find out he’s not that great of a guy, break up with him and then…who knows? Will Finn come to New York to help her through it all? Will is back running the Glee club, so perhaps now is the time for Finn to make a change. The preview for the next new episode (which, sadly, is a few weeks away) show Rachel crying to Santana, who apparently is still living with her. Hopefully Santana and Kurt can help Rachel formulate a game plan. Small upside: You know we’re going to get some great power ballads out of this.

NEXT: Musical grades and top lines

Musical Grades:

Anything Could Happen (Original by Ellie Goulding): The original is synonymous with the Girls trailer at this point, but this similar-sounding arrangement was still a ton of fun…even if it was a prelude to a bombshell. B+

Getting Married Today (Original from Company): What fun! Why don’t we get more Emma numbers? This duet worked perfectly in the context of the story, and a Will/Emma duet – even if they’re not in the same place – was a nice treat. B+

Just Can’t Get Enough (Original by Depeche Mode): New rule: If you sound this good together, you stay together. Did you hear that, Blaine and Kurt? A

We’ve Got Tonight (Original by Bob Seger, although the Glee site credits Rogers & Easton): Same rule, different couple. Always sing duets together, please. A

You’re All I Need To Get By (Original by Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell): Cue the boys! With lead vocals by Jake and backup by the rest of the men, Marley had a Valentine’s Day worth singing about. The harmonies were cute, the dancing moves sweet and the number even ended in a kiss. B

Top Lines:

“All of you glee kids have dated so incestuously I can’t even remember who can tolerate who any more.” –Emma – and this was before Santana and Quinn hooked up!

“This is just bros helping bros.” –Blaine to Kurt while making out in the back of a car. I want this phrase to take off.

“To get back at Will Schuester for handing a teaching position to a flabby 19-year-old.” –Sue, explaining why she was wearing a wedding dress that was exactly the same as Emma’s.

“She’s just a sophomore and she’s still getting over her eating disorder.” –Ryder to Jake about why he shouldn’t expect to have sex with Marley that night

“I’ve never slow danced with a girl before. I like it.” –Quinn to Santana. And then they did more than slow dance!

“Mystery solved. Hagatha Christie! I’m going to be a third wheel for the rest of my life.” –Tina. Happy Valentine’s Day to us all!

Alright. I’ve got to hear what you all thought about all that was happening last night. Which couple are you most hoping gets back together? Rachel’s pregnant!?!? Is Brody the father? What will Finn say? Is anyone more concerned about the Jake/Ryder/Marley triangle? Anyone else crossing their fingers that now that we got Ali Stroker on the show we might get Aylin as well? Will Schu be able to find Emma? What’s she going to tell him? Will Kurt realize he’s still in love with Blaine or will Blaine have his heart broken? Is there a chance Rachel is going to become a young, insufferable stage mom? Can you possibly wait three weeks to find out?

Erin on Twitter

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