What’s that you just heard? Oh, it was just the simultaneous Glee-gasm had by Gleeks everywhere. That’s right: Glee has finally returned! (Oh, yeah, and the Gleen, er, Green Bay Packers won the Super Bowl during what I like to think of as the Glee pre-show.) It’s been way too long since we’ve seen Mr. Schu & Co., so a big thanks to Grilled Cheesus for giving us an appropriately super-sized show to make up for the series’ long absence. And, boy, have our hearts grown fonder for the New Directions.
At the start of last night’s episode, Sue Sylvester was having an existential crisis of sorts. Not even boobs and fire (and boobs on fire) could get her going. (Though it likely did rev up a good portion of the football audience that neglected to change the channel after the game.) The Cheerios completed perhaps their most epic routine ever to Katy Perry’s “California Gurls,” but Sue was only bored by the flaming whips, hula hoops, and BMXers. Maybe she was just struggling with the fact that she can’t always top what she’s done in the past. Or maybe the raccoon hormones were to blame. Either way, Sue was looking for a way to get the feeling back in her life. (Note: A misspelled tattoo is not the way to go. Take it from Sue Syvlester, kids.) And when the sight of Santana slapping herself with a chicken cutlet didn’t even get a chuckle, Sue realized she had to do something. Something big.
Enter her newest purchase: a human cannon, a.k.a. the Suclear Weapon. Shooting Brittany S. Pierce across a football field would surely get her juices flowing again. And with a 30 percent chance of a catastrophic success, how could she pass it up?
Meanwhile, the football team was at odds over their lack of chemistry. So Beiste and Will came up with a plan to reunite them — make the football team join the glee club. But (surprise, surprise) the football players didn’t want to be a part of New Directions. Will and Beiste, however, powered through, and looked to a Filipino prison for advice. So it was off to zombie camp for New Directions and the football team. The new united front worked for a little while. That is, until Karofsky got slushied — then everything started to crumble.
But, lo, it got worse! When Sue learned she couldn’t fire anyone out of her cannon without consent, she went on her own Suclear rampage and destroyed everything in sight. Then, in a true Sue Scrooge move, she switched the Cheerios competition to the night of the football game so Quinn, Brittany, and Santana would have to resign from New Directions. Aw snap! How heinous (and by heinous I mean hilarious) was it when she shamelessly played Brittany’s ignorance against her? The handwritten “I miss you” note from the human cannon, on top of the nonsense about the baby cannons? She’s a sneaky bitch, that Sue.
NEXT: It’s a thriller, thriller night..