Sue's reign of terror threatens to destroy the glee club as she employs her divide-and-conquer strategy, while Quinn and Finn continue to struggle with the pregnancy

By Wendy Mitchell
Updated October 15, 2009 at 04:00 PM EDT
Carin Baer/Fox

‘Glee’ recap: Sue vs. Schue cockfight!

Glee has definitely had a biting wit in each episode, but ”Throwdown” upped that to guffaw level. Sue Sylvester (played by the brilliant Jane Lynch) may be the sharpest-tongued character on network TV. With her co-running glee club this week, it was a riotous Suefest, which was some welcome light relief after last week’s adoption planning and that horrible Ken/Emma engagement (they were MIA this week). There were too many laugh-out-loud lines for me to even recap (or is that Gleecap?) most of them.

”Throwdown” opened with Sue and Will screaming at each other — as Will points out, ”We’re even fighting in our voice-over.” Sue thinks rage is her best look: ”Look at me, even in the heat of battle, I am so elegant, regal. I am Ajax, mighty Greek warrior. God it feels so good to pop that zit Will Schuester.”

But then we jumped back a week to see the genesis of the epic Sue-Schue battle. Principal Figgins reminded our co-chairs not to curry favor with the glee clubbers, nor to pit the kids against each other. The teachers create a fake love-fest for Figgins, but then he says: ”Let’s hug it out. This meeting doesn’t end until I see your bodies touching.” Sue and Schue join into a reluctant hug, whispering (Will) ”I will destroy you”/(Sue) ”I am about to vomit down your back.”

Of course, those banned strategies were immediately employed. Will tried to win over the club by asking what their desires are. Mercedes asked: ”Can we maybe try something a little more black?” Kurt was with her: ”I agree we do an awful lot of show tunes,” but Rachel smacked it down with ”It’s glee club not crunk club.” Poor Mike just wants to pop and lock.

So Sue’s mole Quinn reported back that the minority kids in glee club feel like they aren’t being heard, and Sue had her ”chink in the armor.” As Sue told Quinn: ”I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.” Give these writers an Emmy already.

Sue’s strategy became divide and conquer. She created what she dubbed a ”special elite glee club called Sue’s Kids.” Her roll call was anyone remotely qualifying as a minority: ”Santana. Wheels. Gay Kid. Asian. Other Asian. Aretha. Shaft.”

And then she ditched the show tunes and let her crew let loose on a horn-heavy rendition of Jill Scott’s ‘Hate On Me.’ And it was great to see soulful Mercedes (hey, maybe that Aretha comment was right!) get a place in the spotlight where she belongs. And wheelchair-bound Artie got to move a chairs for Kurt to scissor-kick on! And neglected Mike got to pop-and-lock his heart out.

NEXT: Panty raid

Meanwhile, in Will’s camp there was other drama. Will drove Finn and Quinn to their ob-gyn appointment, where Quinn fretted about ultrasound gel ruining her cheerleading uniform, and they learned the baby is a girl. Finn confided to Will that his mom won’t even let him have pet fish, so he’s worried about taking care of a baby if Quinn changes her mind about giving it up for adoption.

Also, resident gossip blogger Jacob told Rachel that he was about to go public with his story about Quinn’s pregnancy. Rachel stepped in and, in classic Sixteen Candles fashion, relented to give him a pair of her panties in exchange for killing the story. (And not for nothing, Jacob — played perfectly by Josh Sussman — gets credit for my favorite new pickup line: ”The independent polling company in my Dockers has determined you’re the hottest girl in school.”) Rachel revealed her generous gesture to Finn, who swoon-inducingly said, ”You really are awesome. I’m going to make it up to you someday.”

Going to the doctor with Quinn and Finn stirred up daddy issues in Will, who put his foot down and told Terri that he’s coming with her to her next doctor’s appointment to see their baby. Thank goodness Will asserted himself in this situation, even in a loveless marriage it would seem like he would be trying to touch her (pillow-covered) stomach by now!

Will hated the glee club being divided — not to mention the fact that Sue had burned his sheet music and she threatened to get him fired to ”protect her legacy.” She also attacked his hair — ”I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there and I find it disgusting.” During this argument, she rather randomly yelled ”cockfight!” in the hallway (I want to enroll in this school).

Terri tried to comfort Will after the cockfight by telling him, ”I’ve been a really crummy wife lately.” (No kidding, you selfish, lying bee-yatch!) And she advised him to get down in the gutter to win this fight with Sue. So Will flunked some of her Cheerios in his Spanish class (as principal Figgins noted, ”most of your cheerleaders are functionally illiterate”). Sue takes it personally, calling Spanish a dying language and saying her Cheerios only need to learn to habla espanol if they ”want to be dishwashers and gardeners.” So, so, so wrong but so, so, so funny. Then Will did a classic sibling rivalry move and poked Sue with one finger. She threatened to sue him and then went on a rampage throwing things and pushing students.

All this angst was starting to poison the glee club kids, who — rebels without a cause! — had a covert jam session to perform Nelly’s ”Ride Wit Me.” Then Will’s kids are again segregated and get their song for sectionals — the Jordin Sparks/Chris Brown duet ”No Air,” with the leads (of course!) going to Rachel and Finn. They sounded great, and had even more chemistry than in previous weeks I thought, but it would be nice to let the other kids have more of a chance sometimes. Jealous Quinn seemed to agree, and pitted some of her group against Will.

NEXT: Why oh why, ob/gyn?

So Will and Sue squared off again and she agreed that if he gave passing grades to her Cheerios, she’d give back his ”team of losers and snotfaucets.” Nice word, what does that even mean?

Outside of school, Terri and her crazy Chardonnay-swilling sister Kendra coerced Terri’s doctor into giving a fake ultrasound reading when Terri returned with Will. (Side note to Glee writers: Kendra is hilarious, let’s see more of her complaining about her ”creepy ginger kids.”) So when Will did go to their appointment, the doctor played along with the ruse, showing him a baby on the monitor and saying that his earlier ”boy” ultrasound reading was wrong and they are actually expecting a girl. Will shed a single tear and I swooned for hot sensitive dad. Oh, Terri, you’re not going to get away with this!

The real baby mama, Quinn, was feeling frustrated. Finn proposed an original baby name — ”Drizzle,” ha! — and told her she needed to be more like Rachel sometimes. Quinn then let loose on Rachel — Stubbles, is that a new nickname? — and told her to back off from Finn. And what else does a pregnant cheerleader do to vent her angst but singing? So we got her re-invention of Supremes classic ”You Keep Me Hangin’ On.” Nice choreography, and good use of those cheerleading moves, but it reminded me a little too much of the Britney Spears’ ”Hit Me Baby One More Time” video. Yet the sweetness of her voice was a good foil to the R&B numbers we heard earlier. And it reminded me a little bit of the old Supremes singalongs on China Beach — a compliment.

When it was time for Will’s club and Sue’s Kids to have their sing off, things got even uglier, and we caught up with the opening fight scene. Not so much funny as ugly, with Will telling Sue: ”You’re probably going to spend the rest of your life alone” and Sue calling him a ”failed performer.” Even docile Finn spoke up to say they were like a bad mom and dad fighting. All the singers walked out, even carrying Artie up the stairs.

Sue and Schue finally saw they were killing the club. Well, Will saw this but Sue had ulterior motives (keep reading). She offered to step down as co-head of glee club, to become the group’s consigliere. Love The Godfather reference.

They broke the good news to the kids, but that’s when Sue spilled the beans — she found out about the blogger’s pregnancy scoop and told him to publish it. (Quinn’s secret puts the Cheerios winning streak in danger, meaning Sue’s tenure’s in trouble too.) So now the whole glee club knows about the baby and the news seems poised to spread through the school. Quinn and Finn were both distraught, hugging and crying in the hallway.

But they aren’t so distraught that they skip the big finale, Avril Lavigne’s ”Keep Holding On” — a real showstopper reminding us that this group is best together. Everyone looked great in black-and-white (especially Rachel, nice to see her with more of a plunging neckline) with their matching Converse shoes. Finn ended by grabbing both Rachel and Quinn’s hands, and we see Quinn get a bit emotional.

So, many questions were raised in this episode — do you think Quinn will go through with the adoption plan, and if so can we request a ‘Papa Don’t Preach’ cover when she tells her parents? How soon before Will tries to feel Terri’s ”baby” kicking?

Are you going to miss Sue being more involved in glee club? Maybe we can lobby Fox for a Sue Sylvester spinoff. I wrote down so many great lines that I couldn’t include them all in the recap, so what were your other favorite lines from ”Throwdown”?

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