Jessa confronts Hannah while Marnie tries to deal with high Desi at a gig.
By the end of this episode, basically everyone knows Hannah is pregnant — except for Ray, who’s probably off dealing with his own problems, and Shosh, who’s been sadly MIA in recent episodes.
First, Hannah has Marnie over to tell her the news. Marnie, predictably, attempts to hijack the night when she reveals Ray dumped her. “Can you believe it?” she asks Hannah, completely serious. “Kind of, yeah,” Hannah responds. “You’re like, a horrible c–t to him.”
No matter how important Marnie thinks Marnie is, her news isn’t enough to top Hannah’s. At first, Marnie thinks Hannah’s joking about pregnant. She laughs, then demands to know what happened, then scolds Hannah for not using any birth control, then is overjoyed when she finds out Hannah’s going to keep it. What a rollercoaster. And it doesn’t even end there! Once Marnie finds out Hannah isn’t planning on telling the father, she is again back to scolding her friend and even says that not telling Paul-Louis is “f—ing insane.” Questionable, sure, but f—ing insane is a little far. Like, Marnie, have you looked at your own life? You’re not exactly in a place to judge.
And that place, specifically, is New Jersey, where she and Desi are supposed to play at her mom’s friend’s birthday party. She already knows Desi didn’t want to do it — in an earlier scene, he complains about how he vowed he wouldn’t play any more “bulls— gigs” — and when he shows up to the venue near-catatonic, she simply thinks he didn’t get enough sleep. As her mom soon says, “Marnie, you really should know what a high person looks like by now.”
So Desi’s out. Marnie assumes that means she’s not playing that night until her mom has an epiphany: She’ll stand in for Desi! Great idea! I mean, I’d rather see Rita Wilson strum the guitar than a bearded dude any day. The crowd does not agree, partly because she’s super weird on stage, and also because that type of music isn’t exactly ideal for a bumpin’ birthday party at a club in the first place. And then there’s Desi, who watches the trainwreck from the crowd, wearing just a cardigan over his bare chest. As soon as it starts going downhill, he goes back outside and, still f—ed up, attempts to board his bike. It doesn’t work. That’s the last we see of him this episode, so I’m really, really hoping he called a sponsor or a counselor or a hospital or something before it got any worse. He’s grown on me, and honestly, I’d probably be more upset than Marnie would if he died of an overdose or something. (Though, to be fair, saying I’d be more upset than Marnie isn’t really saying too much.)
Back in New York, Hannah’s having all sorts of big relationship moments. Elijah apologizes to her about saying she’d be a bad mom — he still doesn’t think she’ll be the best mom, though she certainly won’t be the worst — and they have an honest, mature conversation that ends in a hug and Elijah promising that he’s going to help raise this kid, no matter how bad of an influence he’ll inevitably be. Immediately after, she walks outside to find Adam waiting for her. He wants her — nay, needs her — to watch his 47-minute movie so she can confirm that what he presented in it is true, that they shared the same feelings. She would rather not relive it all, and says so much. She also blurts out that she’s pregnant, because why not?
Adam’s all “oh, s—” and then apparently tells Jessa the news, because soon enough, she’s knocking on Hannah’s door to talk. Hannah’s cold and guarded; Jessa’s basically trying to sell her and Hannah’s friendship… to Hannah. They’re both hurt. The difference is, Hannah’s on her way to having a full life — or at least, what she thinks is a full life. She’s writing and getting paid for it, and she’s about to have a baby. Jessa just has Adam, and she’s not even totally comfortable in their relationship, at least judging by her moody reactions to watching him film love scenes with the Hannah stand-in last week. She wants more and thinks that having Hannah back in her life would give her that. Hannah, on the other hand, doesn’t want their volatile, unhealthy friendship in her life anymore. And good for her for resisting it, even when an emotional Jessa is standing before her shouting things like, “You can’t just erase people, you can’t just erase me!” Time to teach Jessa about breakups!
That all makes Hannah seem very stable and content and fulfilled. That’s not true. She’s still struggling and she’s still lost. While Elijah’s yapping to her about Broadway, she walks into her bedroom and tries to get ahold of Paul-Louis. Is it because she feels guilty after both Marnie and Adam told her she needed to tell the father about the baby? Or is it because she does want help with this — not from judgmental Marnie or drugged up Elijah, but from someone who actually has a real stake in this baby’s life?
Her attempt to call him isn’t successful. She deals with this by queueing up Adam’s movie, titled FULL DIS:CLOSURE. It starts off with Adam and Fake Hannah having sex, something that causes Real Hannah to condescendingly comment, “Great, it’s a porno.” (Man, if that’s porn, what would Hannah think of Girls?) Then it moves on to their tender pillow talk:
Adam: “I think you make me feel too good.”
Hannah: “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
Adam: “Maybe it is. I break things. It’s what I do. It’s why I avoided you for so long, because I didn’t want to break you. But this, now? It’s so perfect it scares me a little.”
Damn. Hannah’s face tenses up while she watches this. It looks like she’s thinking, Oh, yes, this is true. Once Fake Hannah gets out of bed, the camera lingers on Adam looking after her, waiting for her to come back. He looks nervous, afraid. “Bed’s getting cold,” he says after a few moments. It’s as if he’s looking right at Hannah — the real one, watching this on her laptop. I thought this whole movie thing would be a silly gimmick, but this? This made me feel some stuff. And it obviously made Hannah feel some stuff, too. Uh-oh.
Best Marnie line: “You used to be a dream come true. This whole job used to be a dream come true. Now it is a bad dream come true!”
Best Evie Michaels line: “I convinced her to book you instead of JC Chasez!”
Best Elijah line: “Our kid is gonna have great skin and be the right kind of slutty!” (Followed closely by, “Anyone who’s buying leather gloves after 6 is clearly a goddamn murderer.”)
Best line, period: “I told him to pull out, but you know I tend to swallow my Ps, so maybe he thought I said ‘all out,’ I don’t know.” —Hannah