True: Ramsay survived season 5. And yes, I’m sure some will be disappointed Sansa didn’t kill him, or at least kill Myranda herself. But at least Sansa escaped his clutches and Theon is on a path of redemption—assuming they both survived that fall. I can’t quite imagine Thrones having them both land in a gentle puff of soft snow and being perfectly okay at the start of season 6, yet I also can’t quite imagine the new season starting with one or both dead on the ground. Something in between then? My hope: They’re found by Brienne and Pod, since they’re reasonable close by.
Braavos: Last week, many of you suspected Arya would pull an O-Ren Ishii on Ser Meryn. And you were right.
We find Ser Meryn back at the brothel and he has three girls lined up, whipping them. Two of the girls keep crying, but one does not. Meryn is confused why his pedo-piano is broken. The silent girl looks up at him. We don’t recognize her face—and she rips it off. It’s Arya in disguise.
Arya scrambles up Ser Meryn like a little murder monkey and shucks eyes out with her oyster knife. This is what crossing off a name looks like! It’s very brutal and she makes sure he knows who she is before she’s done.
Arya returns to the Hall of Faces, but is caught trying to sneak the stolen mask back by Jaqen and The Waif, who’s all, “I told you she wasn’t ready.” Jaqen is angry. Well, not really. Jaqen doesn’t get angry. Like the best parents and teachers, he’s just super disappointed, which is somehow worse. Jaqen explains that because she took a life that wasn’t hers to take, she now has to replace it with another one. He drinks poison and collapses. Arya freaks out, crushed by the thought that she’s lost yet another person she cares about.
But then The Waif transforms into Jaqen. And then the dead body’s face changes. Who is it really? Arya pulls the face off. Then pulls off another, and another, and another. Then last one is her own. Arya, remember your failure at the brothel!
“The faces are as good as poison” to somebody who is not yet no one, Jaqen explains.
That’s when Arya’s vision gets hazy. She’s blind. Arya’s blind. Blind as old Maester Aemon. Zero chance of spotting another name on her list now.
Dorne: Last week some Dorne-mockers were saying in the comments, “But wait! What was the point of the whole Dorne story line if all that happens is that Jaime goes there, picks up his daughter, and comes back?” It turns out that’s not the whole point of the Dorne story line. If it all seemed too simple, that’s because it was.
Jaime, Bronn, Myrcella, and the Dornish say reasonably polite goodbyes. Ellaria gives Myrcella a smooch. We suspect this is bad. Tyene tells Bronn something he’ll think about the whole boat trip back. Later, on the ship, Myrcella is chatting with Jaime. He works up the courage to finally reveal, sort of, that he’s her father. She says she knows, and, in fact, she doesn’t care. “I think a part of me always knew,” she says. “I’m glad. I’m glad that you’re my father.”
We get misty eyed. Jaime is the notorious cold-hearted Kingslayer. Many have feared him, but they don’t typically respect him as a person. Cersei does, but that love has been tarnished in recent years. Now here’s his perfect offspring, and she knows his biggest sin, and loves him anyway. Has he ever felt that kind of acceptance? It’s another heartwarming Game of Thrones father-daughter moment and—
Oh no. Did I did just write a “heartwarming Game of Thrones father-daughter moment”?
NEXT: The Passion of the Cersei …