On ''Entourage,'' Turtle and E try to win a bet on who can have meaningless sex faster; plus, Ari struggles with private-school admissions

By Paul Katz
Updated July 30, 2007 at 04:00 AM EDT
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”Entourage”: Turtle and E’s playa competition

During my normal TV Watches, I curl up on the couch, grab a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, and prepare to take copious notes on the Hollywood adventures of our favorite quartet from Queens. Tonight, I’m mixing it up a bit: Below is my live blog — yes, as it was actually happening (gasp!) — of the episode titled ”The Day Fu*kers” (Which is either a goof on the rockin’ Beatles song ”Day Tripper” or a really random allusion to the wry 1996 Hope Davis-Stanley Tucci film The Daytrippers. I hope it’s the latter, mostly so I don’t get the Fab Four’s song stuck in my head all night.) This experiment in blogging is kinda like when Roc or ER did a live episode, except with less Charles S. Dutton yelling or Anthony Edwards looking like he’s having a gas attack when Kerry Weaver walks in.

Lab coat, safety goggles, and beaker ready? Let’s begin.

10: 01 Already it’s a great episode. The parental warning is advertising Brief Nudity! Rawr.

10:02 The ”previously on Entourage” recaps: Ari and Mrs. Ari’s kid was denied admission to his older sister’s private school, E didn’t want to work with Walsh again, and Vinnie decided to make his next project with Walsh anyway. E looked pissed.

10:03 The intro song, ”Superhero,” by Jane’s Addiction, still rocks. Glad they never mucked with it.

10:04 Huh, the guys call out E for always getting emotional with the women he pursues. E does provide a good counter argument: that he doesn’t want to be alone in his twilight years. Then again, if you make enough money in Hollywood, you never have to be alone ever. I somehow doubt that Hugh Hefner’s six girlfriends love him for his mind…or body.

10:05 Wow. There is some serious foul-mouth trash talking going on. Drama is backing Turtle and Vince is backing E on a bet that the two diminutive members of the crew can get lucky by the end of the day. At stake: five grand. Seems like a cheap dollar amount for these players. Then again, it’s a cheap wager — morally speaking, I mean. And harsh that Vinnie assumes Turtle would need to pay or barter his way into the sack. Harsh, but not far-fetched.

10:06 It turns out that Principal Homer Simpson (guest star Dan Castellaneta) has blackballed Ari’s son from every private school in town. D’oh!

10:07 Dozens of scantily clad girls are vying for Vince’s attention as he tries to deflect them toward E. Anyone think E would have better luck snagging girls if a movie star weren’t hogging all the focus? Yeah, me neither.

10:08 What’s more gross than the personal ads on Craigslist? Drama making Turtle troll on the website for a date. And yet the first girl they call agrees to meet them. And she posts her phone number in the ad. And she’s free to rendezvous immediately. Riiiiiiight. That happens.

10:10 Back at the pool, Vince takes off to score with a hottie British girl (no shock there) and E proceeds to have absolutely no game at all with the hottie Brit’s friend (also no shock). Rule No. 1: If a beautiful girl calls your social ineptitude ”adorable,” make a move. Jeez. And you would think two excessively pasty people like E and his Brit would automatically bond.

10:12 Things seem to look better for Turtle: His Internet date is cute and says, ”You’ll do.” And the first thing he’ll do: pick up her dry cleaning. Apparently, this courtship has bypassed the sex and is heading directly into Relationshipville.

10:13 Ari hires an Anthony Pellicano-looking PI to tail Principal Homer and find dirt to blackmail the educator into letting Ari’s kid into school. Double D’oh!

10:14 There’s that Brief Nudity we were warned about.

10:15 When things turn to drinking, E finally starts to relax with the pretty British lass, and then, as if the Karmic Gods were willing him to fail, his ex-girlfriend Sloane appears! Brilliant. We haven’t seen any of the consequences of their breakup, and now we get to see E completely fall apart after running into her for the first time since ditching her for Medellín. Swing and a miss: He gets the pretty Brit girl’s name wrong during introductions. Swing and a miss: The awkward kiss-hug moment as he says goodbye to Sloane. And strike 3 (you’re out!): He tells the new, sweet, cool, hip Brit girl, ”I’m an idiot,” when asked why he and Sloane broke up. The dude not only has no game; he’s still in the parking lot tailgating.

10:15 Turtle and Drama pick up the dry cleaning. It’s a fuzzy, pink bunny costume! Could the Craigslist gal really be a furry? (That’s a person who likes the horizontal mambo with folks dressed up like animals, for anyone who missed that CSI episode.)

10:16 Ari is summoned to the PI’s office and, on the way out the door, hits Lloyd with a zinger about dressing like Paula Poundstone. Hasn’t Paula suffered enough, people?

10:18 Vince advises E to sleep on things before calling Sloane. Nice bonding moment, and true friendship from an old friend. And then he ruins it all by asking E to go out with the two Brits that night. Soooo close to being a good guy, Vince! Sooooooo very close.

10:18 Turtle looks really cute in the bunny outfit.

10:19 The bet is off! Drama wins by forfeit as E caves and races to call Sloane. I wonder if Turtle plans to keep the bunny suit. It looks expensive.

10:20 Hold the phone. You can actually pinpoint the moment when E’s heart breaks — 10:20:07 — when Sloane tells him she has met someone else. So, is the bet back on?

10:21 The PI comes up with zip for Ari other than some lovely photos of Principal Homer with his family, at the soup kitchen, and being a swell human being. Which for some reason drives Ari to try to be a better man — how that translates into family dinner every night and reading Everyone Poops to his kid is a mystery to me.

10:22 The bet’s back on. E’s revenge on the cruel Cupid who caused him to lose true love is a one-night stand with the Brit. Classy.

10:25 A beaten man, Ari heads to Principal Homer’s house to beg for his son’s admittance. Is it not painful to watch Ari being sincere? This is not the man we love! But sincerity goes out the window when Principal Homer’s plan to get his ”special” son a gig as an agent kicks in. One hand still washes the other in L.A.! Ari’s kid gets into private school; Principal Homer’s kid gets a job. And somewhere former CAA agency head Mike Ovitz is smiling.

10:26 At the furry lady’s house, Turtle can’t close the deal. Good for you, Turtle! We will ignore the irony that a guy named Turtle is uncomfortable dressing as a bunny. And in perfect Drama logic, the scumbag steps in to take Turtle’s place as a love puppet, since otherwise he’ll be out five grand.

10:28 No-game Eric gets lucky. Unbelievable. This show really is a fantasy.

10:29 My eyes! My eyes! The image of Drama and the furry lady getting it on in full gear is now burned into my retina. I will never look at a Bugs Bunny cartoon the same way again.

10:30 I was flushing out my eyes and missed the coming attractions for next week. Something about E forming his own company. Guess the guy is gonna have some free time for the next six months while sitting out Vince’s movie. Whoops.

So, tonight seemed like a callback to the first season, when all the boys did was try to meet girls and argue with each other. That’s been missed, but maybe the show could have moved an inch forward with the Walsh-E-Vince plot? The past few episodes have been Walsh heavy, but not a word? A peep? Nothing? I will say this was easily the best outing so far this season for the dynamic duo of Drama and Turtle. If only Entourage could find the perfect balance between plot and comic relief.

What do you think? Did you miss Walsh? Do you want Sloane to get back with Eric? Did Ari learn any lesson at all? And does Paula Poundstone deserve a comeback?

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