Desperate Housewives recap: A Spoonful of Poison
“No good deed goes unpunished.”
Mary Alice ended last night’s episode of Desperate Housewives with that familiar — and haunting — phrase, and all I could think was: Ain’t that the truth? Despite all the rage that Susan usually inspires in me, I found it more than a tad-bit sad to watch her get so screwed there at the outset of the hour. The poor woman spent the last few weeks of her life dedicated to nursing the wretched Paul Young back to health, and then — after she suggested that maybe he wasn’t getting better because he still lived in the home he shared with his dearly departed wife Beth — he kicked her to the curb. Her face, while she was standing out in his yard, was heartbreaking. But why’d Paul reject her so? Well, it seems he took Susan’s innocent suggestion that he move as a play for her to return to the house she was renting to him. Whoops on her part.
But all that, really, was just the sideshow to what was really going on under the surface of the rather new Susan-Paul-Felicia triangle: Felicia was slowly poisoning Paul via Susan’s food-delivering good deeds. Every time Susan whipped up a new dish to drop by Paul’s, or whenever Susan went to the grocery store to pick up supplies for Paul, Felicia was there, syringe in hand, ready to fill up whatever the grieving widower would be consuming with her special, poisonous substance. And yes, there it is, Felicia had decided to take out her nemesis in that patented way that’s a staple of the Lifetime Original Movie — with antifreeze.
It’s not a shocking twist, really: We already knew that Felicia had designs on killing Paul…and slowly. “What did I tell you dear?” the ever-crazy Felicia said to the ashy remains of her dead daughter about her plan of slow death for Paul. “It’s so much better than a bullet.” Then she added: “He’ll think it’s his heart. As if he has one.” And so, the antifreeze really did begin working: “He just keeps getting worse and worse,” Susan told Felicia. It was just seconds after Paul kicked Susan out of his (her?) house, in fact, that the antifreeze really seemed to kick in, though, as Paul fell to the floor, unable to get to the phone to call for help.
Will he die? Probably not. At least not yet — we’ve got to have something to save for that big, two-hour finale on May 15, right? But in between, it seems very likely that Susan may be fingered for poisoning Paul, even if her only real motive would be so that she could move back into her old house. Renee said it best when Susan told the gals about Felicia being back on the street: “And people say the suburbs are boring?” Despite the fact that it’s not the most original story ever, Felicia Tillman certainly isn’t letting things get boring over on Wisteria Lane as this season draws to a close.
NEXT: Carlos makes Gaby choose between him and Bree!
Elsewhere on Wisteria Lane, Gaby — and her two daughters — were making Bree’s life a living hell. You’ll remember, of course, that Gaby and her little brood moved in with Bree at the end of last week’s episode after Gaby refused to drop the redhead as a friend. (Carlos demanded she do so in light of what he learned about how Bree was involved in his mother’s death.) Instead of going anywhere deep, of course, the story instead headed down a shallow lane of Bree mostly being irritated with Juanita and Celia for their bad behavior.
Gaby, of course, acted like nothing could be done about the little terrors. “I even bought them a puppy, so I could threaten to kill it,” she explained to Bree of her attempts at parenting. “They asked if they could watch.” But it wasn’t until Carlos told Juanita the truth about why he was mad at Bree that the girls straightened up. Juanita misunderstood Bree to be a murder and, thus, was more than willing to do whatever she asked, so as she wouldn’t join Mama Solis in heaven at the hand of Bree. Eventually, though, the girls had enough, called the cops, and went screaming back into Carlos’ arms. The man of the house decided not to let the cops in on the secret about Bree and also told Gaby that she had to choose between him or Bree. She eventually chose Carlos, and Bree agreed that she should. “We have to face it, Gabby,” Bree said sadly before her pal walked out the door, “this is never gonna blow over.” (Um, it clearly will. These two can’t just spend the remainder of the series at odds.)
I saved the slightest story line of the evening for last, and that’d be what was going down with Lynette and Renee redecorating Tom’s new office. Basically, the gals were elated to be able to take a stab at fixing up Tom’s new work digs for a cool $20,000. “For twenty grand,” Renee told Tom with her usual bite, “we will redecorate your office…and whack an employee of your choosing.” The real drama, however, came when Tom spelled out that he wanted his office to look like Donald Trump’s office. Lynette, in her usually stubborn way, refused to listen to her husband: “We’re not doing that because that’s not Tom,” she told Renee.
Ultimately, though, the always-cunning Renee went around Lynette and produced the office that Tom really wanted. It infuriated Lynette: “So you really like this?” she asked him. More than anything, she thought the style didn’t reflect the man she had married. For his part, Tom just explained that he had to play a certain, power-y role at the office and needed such a space. Is there a growing rift between these two? The question should be: When isn’t there a growing rift between these two?
Overall, the episode was a pleasant one, but not killer in any way. (Unless you count what Felicia is trying to do to Paul, that is!) The Susan stuff was intriguing in its way; Felicia was as creepy as ever; and Gaby was delightful to watch, as always. But I could do with giving Felicity Huffman a bit of a meatier storyline.
But what did you think, Desperate Housewives TV Watchers? What’s going to happen with Bree and her police officer friend? Will he discover the truth about her cover-up — or is he just there to deal with Felicia? Speaking of her, will she get away with her plan for Paul? And do you think Susan is going to get fingered for the antifreeze business? Sound off in the comments below.
Tanner on Twitter: @EWTanStransky