Desperate Housewives recap: Tests of Love
Carlos is threatened when Gaby's ex-lover reenters their lives, and Susan is obsessed with the idea making someone pay for Julie's attack
- TV Show
When it’s all said and done, season 6 of Desperate Housewives will be remembered for lots of things: the introduction of the Bolen family; Ana’s integration into the Solis family; Lynette’s pregnancy with twins; Karl and Bree’s affair; the period where Katherine went crazy, to name just a few of this season’s highlights so far. But I was just thinking about how — especially after tonight’s Susan-centric episode — it’ll also be remembered as the Season of Susan. Between her wedding and then her daughter Julie’s attack and then her ferocious-mother antics tonight, this year is shaping up to be all Susan, all the time.
Not that I’m complaining, mind you. (Shocked??) All you TV Watchers out there know that I’m no huge fan of Susan Mayer — she’s annoying, neurotic, and clumsy. But three episodes into this season and — hark! — I’m really not hating her! Can you believe it? It seems she’s actually got a heart. Who knew? Let me explain, which requires me to skip to the end of the episode right up front. I couldn’t help but get all mushy inside in the last scene of last night’s hour, when we saw Susan going over to the Bolen’s house, which had been trashed and graffitied, to help Angie clean up the mess that she’d indirectly caused. I suppose that after spending days telling the residents of Wisteria Lane that the place housed a killer, it was the least she could do.
But I liked it because it really humanized Susan and made her less crazy. I found it totally believable that — after making such salacious accusations about Danny Bolen, who was revealed to be not Julie’s perpetrator — this is how someone might try, just a little, to show how sorry he or she were. Picking up trash in silence, with just a slight acknowledgment from the scorned woman she was helping. There’s something bitter and sweet about that. And it was a nice ”I majorly screwed up” gesture. But if it wasn’t Danny who strangled Julie, though, whodunit? At this point, I don’t feel like I know enough about the motives of the rest of those on Wisteria Lane to even point fingers. Maybe it was the continually creepy — and seemingly violent, after she bashed in that car window! — Angie Bolen? Still, doesn’t seem likely with what we know about her.
Speaking of Angie, though, it was a banner week for figuring out more about her! Not. In true Desperate Housewives style, we found out just a few more things about her, but they don’t really tell us anything, of course. We’re still working with just crumbs, mere morsels of details. Through conversations Angie had with her son Danny, we learned that the family’s big secrets are the fault of Angie — like, she did something bad that they’re all covering up and running from now. Up until last night, I sort of had the idea that Danny was the one who’d done some horrible in their last town, which caused them to flee. Plus, we learned that — shocker! — the Bolens aren’t really the Bolens. ”Until I say otherwise,” Angie told her husband Nick, ”we are Nick and Angie Bolen!” Call Mrs. McCluskey — and her sister Roberta — because we need someone to dig up the dirt on this family.
The rest of the drama on the lane wasn’t nearly as heightened as Susan’s (I still can’t get that picture of her lowering a car down on Danny Bolen out of my head!), but what I do like about what went on in this episode specifically was the interconnected-ness of all the story lines. I feel like, oftentimes, the five main ladies get segmented into their own lives and are unfortunately separated, but that wasn’t the case last night. Granted, all five weren’t all together at once (and on that note, where was Katherine?), but one character’s story poured into the next character’s story. Like, there was, obviously, the Susan and Angie connection, which I talked about above. Then, you’ve got Bree, who is still sleeping with Susan’s ex-husband, Karl, who is also Julie’s dad. Sure, we didn’t see Bree and Karl interact with anyone but Orson, but the connection to Susan is obviously still there.
NEXT: Lynette’s baby dramaAnd then on the other side of things, we had the tangled-ness of Lynette and Gaby and Carlos and Tom, spurred mostly by the fact that Lynette works for Carlos. What I’m saying is that it’s nice to see them come together. But again, nothing huge is going on with all these story lines. Bree seems to be fighting feelings that she’s developing for Karl, despite that fact that she really wants it to be just a fling. Maybe she thinks it’s less of an affair if she doesn’t also love the guy she’s sleeping with? But at this point, she clearly doesn’t care for Orson, so I don’t think there’s much harm in admitting — at least to her and Karl — that she does, in fact love him. A girl doesn’t throw a bottle of olive oil to trip a competing woman when she’s not jealous.
Also, I just love how Bree called the ramshackle motel where her and Karl tryst ”our motor lodge” when she thought he was taking Candice there. The thought of the always prim-and-proper Bree feeling sentimental about a motor lodge is just hysterical. Especially after she hated it so at first and insisted on washing the sheets and cleaning the bathroom herself. My how the tide has turned!
Lynette, meanwhile, was dealing with the continued fallout from her pregnancy. The reactions from her kids — which are included in the sound bites round up below! — were priceless. However, I’m not really seeing how this let’s-keep-my-pregnancy-from-my-boss-Carlos thing is going to go well for her. As she pointed out to him, she can’t be fired for being pregnant. Could that comment be foreshadowing about what’s to come? A lawsuit from a pregnant-and-fired Lynette? Oh, no. Please, no. I really don’t think we should go there. For most of that awkward business dinner — which found Tom drinking all of Lynette’s wine — I thought Tom was going to spill the beans, too. But, surprisingly, he didn’t. We all know it won’t be too long before Lynette can’t hide her secret any longer.
In terms of Gaby and Carlos, the re-introduction of ex-gardener John kind of shows that the Desperate Housewives writers might be running out of ideas about what to do with this couple. I mean, really? I’m not really complaining about having to look at the ever-cute Jesse Metcalfe, but really? He’s back again? Oh, and what do you know! Carlos is still kind of jealous! Gaby still might be kinda interested! Yeah, yeah, surprise, surprise. But I guess I’m a teensy bit interested to see how things will play out between him and Ana. But that’s kind of expected, too.
But enough of all that. And on to some of the best lines from the night! I thought, why not just round them all up together here? They’re fun to look at all at once:
”Wow, must have been a windy day when the apple fell from that tree.” — John, to Ana, after Carlos told him that she was from his side of the family, not Gaby’s.
”Why don’t you stop saying, ‘Given our history,’ and just say ‘I banged your wife’?” — Carlos, after John kept couching all of his statements.
”He was also my ex-gardener — can’t you call him that?!” — Gaby, after Carlos referred to John as her ex-lover for the zillionth time.
”People always talk about the moral hazards of cheating. No one warns you about the food.” — Bree, complaining about the food Karl is able to rustle up near the motor lodge where they’re carrying out their affair.
”I’ll lose my shirt in the casino, then we’ll go upstairs and you’ll lose yours.” — Karl, trying to convince Bree to go away with him for a weekend in Las Vegas.
”I’m guessing those aren’t her only side-by-side enhancements.” — Bree, after Orson mentions that Candice’s two front teeth are veneers.
”It must have been exhausting spending so much time with your legs in the air.” — Bree, jabbing at the ex-Rockette Candice, who’s on a date with her fling, Karl.
”Well, now that the celebration is over, any questions?” — Tom, to his dumbfounded kids, after revealing that they’d soon be welcoming a set of twins into the family.
”No, there’s a woman in Mongolia who’s got me beat.” — Lynette, after one of her kids claims that she might be the oldest mother ever.
”You’ve just destroyed your futures for a few minutes of pleasure.” — Porter, after Lynette told him she was pregnant with twins.
”Not to mention it’s so gross that you’re still doing it.” — Parker, after Lynette told him she was pregnant with twins.
”If they’re boys, I’m outta here.” — Penny, after Lynette told her she was pregnant with twins.
”If she has one more glass, I’m gonna puke.” — Tom, while drinking all of Lynette’s wine during dinner.
”I was at the supermarket earlier. Everyone was looking at me like I had their grandmother in my trunk.” — Angie, to her husband Nick.
But, TV Watchers, I’ve rambled enough — I wanna hear what you think! What was your favorite line of the night? Do you also feel like this is the Season of Susan? Are Susan and Angie headed for BFFville now that Danny has been cleared? Where was Katherine and Mrs. McCluskey? And, seriously, how stupid can Orson be? Doesn’t he get that Bree is cheating on him?
Eva Longoria Parker, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, and Felicity Huffman star in the soap set on the dangerous Wisteria Lane