It's all about new members of the family as Lynette continues to chafe at the presence of Preston's fiancée, and Bree welcomes Rex's son

By Tanner Stransky
March 22, 2010 at 06:54 PM EDT
Ron Tom/ABC
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Finally, the mystery on Desperate Housewives is getting somewhat interesting. And no, I’m not talking about the long-gestating Bolen situation — which, to be fair, did heat up a bit during last night’s episode — but rather, as I sat and watched, I found myself more intrigued by the mysterious happenings over at the Hodge household: Who really is this Sam character? What’s he hiding — and why? What did Mary Alice mean when she was talking about family and photos and how ”like certain members of the family, they are not to be trusted”?

I suppose her ominous, veiled voice-over about Sam was a warning that he’s up to no good. Oh, and I suppose that since Andrew is digging into Sam’s past we should take the cue that there must be something sinister waiting to be dug up. But what? Something in me finds it fascinating that Sam would pose as the illegitimate son of Bree’s dead husband, Rex. I mean, what does Sam hope to gain out of that? A family? A slice of Bree’s business? A nasty brother and sister in Andrew and Danielle, who reappeared briefly in last night’s episode? Whatever it is, one thing is clear: Sam is indeed up to no good. He’s sinister. Creepy. And seems like he might be a little white trash. (At least, formerly.) And I love that kind of thing all rolled into one.

Also starring in the sinister department on last night’s episode: John Barrowman! Well, rather, John Barrowman as Patrick Logan, the NYC creep that Angie and Nick Bolen are running from. He finally showed up after months and months of waiting! The neighbor who saw Angie at her mother’s NYC apartment last week spilled the beans about where Angie is hiding out, and as if you needed any further indication that Logan, indeed, is a bad guy, he killed said neighbor right after he squeezed the information out of her. (Well, we viewers didn’t witness it, but that’s what we were led to believe.) And just as the credits for the episode were about to roll, we saw Patrick sitting in a car on Wistera Lane. ”For some,” Mary Alice said, ”it’s not enough to win — someone else has got to lose.” Nick going to be the one who loses, maybe?

Patrick did say that Angie ”took something of mine” and that he wants it back. I’m just assuming that we’re talking about Danny (a.k.a. Tyler), who Nick has raised as his own? Or was all the drama about whether Nick was going to tell Danny that he’s not actually his father (because, as we learned last week, Patrick is!) just a ploy to throw us off the mystery’s course? Honestly, I have no idea! But I do know one thing, and that’s that the producers of Desperate were inspired with their choice of casting Barrowman as Patrick Logan. He’s just unsettling enough for the job, as far as I can tell. And cute, to boot! It’s no stretch to believe that he’s the biological father of continual hottie Danny.

As for another random tangent on the Danny front, what is with this kid/young adult? He is or was in college, supposedly, but just got his first job. He doesn’t have a car. He’s fixing up his bike to ride around town. He drank a beer (or was it root beer?) with his dad. He dated a girl in high school. Which all makes me wonder: How old is he exactly? It seems like he’d be about 18 years old, but some of those aforementioned clues point to him being older. Why are producers keeping it so vague? Why do I even care about this?

NEXT: Katherine’s big escapeAlso vague last night? What exactly is the point of Irina, Preston’s new fiancée. Why is she here? In some ways the introduction of Irina has a similarity to Bree’s current situation with the whole new-family-member vibe, but Irina’s gold-digging story line is not riveting to me. What are we working toward here? Why is Preston being so silly when it’s clear that he’s more or less throwing his life away by marrying her and taking a crummy job? How did Preston not break up with Irina immediately after she threw her pot of steaming Eurofood on his mother? No, but seriously, what son would allow his future wife to treat his mother like that? I guess I’m just saying I’m hoping the whole Irina thing is headed toward something more than Preston’s eventual realization that she’s not for him and the ensuing reconciliation with Lynette. There’s gotta be more to this storyline than that, right?

The other story line that was dying for something more last night was, of course, Gaby and Susan’s. Literally, the pair of mothers spent the hour trying to sell candy bars so their kids could win the top-sales award at Oakridge. (Supposedly, Juanita would use the crown to lure in friends, while M.J. needed the win so he could have a confidence booster.) A bra-less Gaby at the construction site during a cool breeze! Susan in downtown Fairview with M.J. in a wheelchair! Gimme a break! The whole scramble to sell candy bars just felt so… trite and worthless. Like, honestly, who cares? Am I failing to see the delight in this story line? Granted, there was the whole M.J.-learning-what-it-means-to-be-a-winner thing at the end, a cheap ploy to add some gravitas to the wasted time, but if there was something deeper here beyond that, please do enlighten me in the comments below.

Lastly, it looks like Wistera Lane’s newest lesbian couple is evacuating! Well, it seems like they’re taking a little trip or whatever, away from the gossips on Wisteria Lane, to figure out what’s really going on between the two of them. That’s because Robin and Katherine had quite the dramatic coming out during Karen McCluskey’s I-survived-cancer party. (On that note, that Karen-has-cancer story line certainly fizzled, yes?) I actually thought it was sort of a genius moment, as everyone on the Lane only overheard Robin and Katherine’s relationship drama because they were on the porch arguing just as Karen asked her guests to take a moment to remember those who weren’t as lucky as her. Hehe.

Something in me can’t help but feel a tad bit bad for Katherine. Robin seems like she’s been alright with her sexuality and attraction to women for a while. But for Katherine, it honestly can’t be that easy. When Robin was on Mrs. McCluskey’s porch asking Katherine if she was a lesbian, I think that’s a rather poignant question, actually. Is she a lesbian? Is she just attracted to just Robin? Does she need to declare herself one way or the other? Will the people of Wisteria Lane be able to open their minds and let Katherine do what makes her happiest? I guess Katherine’s concern about her neighbors’ chatter stems from the fact that she’s possibly switching teams — not that she might actually be gay. Because I would argue that she has some of the most gay-friendly neighbors in the world, especially for a suburb. Bob and Lee live on the street. Andrew is gay. Gaby clearly loves the gays, as we saw earlier this season. She need not be so apprehensive to declare her lady-love for Robin.

Do you agree, TV Watchers? Are you rooting for Robin and Katherine? Are you being sucked in by the Sam drama at the Hodge house? What kind of story line would you like to see Susan and Gaby have for the rest of the season? And are you drooling over John Barrowman as much as I am? Let me know in the comments!

Eva Longoria Parker, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, and Felicity Huffman star in the soap set on the dangerous Wisteria Lane
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