Love and lust are still the main focus in an episode that revolves around side players and gay story lines

By Tanner Stransky
Updated March 01, 2010 at 06:33 PM EST
Credit: Ron Tom/ABC

Desperate Housewives

S6 E16
  • TV Show

Two sub groups of characters starred in last night’s middling episode of Desperate Housewives: the gays and the B-list cast. Did you notice? Both dominated the story lines, between gay couple Bob and Lee factoring centrally into Gaby’s tale of learning to appreciate her children and Bree discovering that her gay son Andrew was having an affair, all the way down to Mrs. McCluskey’s engagement to Roy and Katherine and Robin’s newfound romance. Whew! Score two for the gays and the little guys on DH! (Oh, and score one for that random soap opera that everyone was watching during the show’s first segment? What was up with that?!?)

Gaby was all up in Bob and Lee’s business because she was staying with them while Celia suffered from chicken pox at home. Before she left the Solis mansion, though, we saw Gaby slaving away: folding laundry, straining her arm by pouring cereal, and ranting about making cupcakes! Lord, she was busy busy. And then when she showed up at Bob and Lee’s House of Gay Fun, it was nothing but a party all the time: cosmos, convertibles, and boys who were off to get pec implants! (Not to drive home any stereotypes about gay dudes, of course…) ”I haven’t taken a nap,” Gaby told the couple, basking in the glow of being without children, ”since Juanita crowned!” Um, gross. Don’t tell me anything about crowning. Ever.

Ultimately, as you could see from a mile away, the whole situation was just a set-up to make Gaby appreciate her own children. Especially after she stumbled upon Bob and Lee’s nursery, which was sans baby since they’ve been having trouble with adopting. Now, do we think that the Desperate producers are actually going to further the Bob and Lee adoption story line? I sort of want to see if anything else would happen there, but only really if it’s sordid. Like, literally, that Bob and Lee try to steal a baby or something. Right? Normal, by-the-book things are just boring on this show. Especially lately. Also, Bob was particularly adorable last night, right? Not that that’s a revelation, but I was just looking at him during the episode, when he was being all gooey and heartfelt with Gaby, and I just melted a bit. Alright, a whole bunch.

Bree’s story line, like Gaby’s, crossed the gay thing with the secondary character thing. Obviously, we’re talking about her son, Andrew, who showed back up this week and, it turns out, was not performing that well at work. So Bree hired a new guy, Sam, who was obsessed with her and, clearly, has something up his sleeve. Like, it looks like he might want to take Andrew out or something. He exposed Andrew’s affair with Bree’s employee, Tad. And seemed like he was saving Bree lots of money and time working. And he even drank out of Andrew’s ”World’s Best Son” coffee mug. Oh, the horrors! Not much happening here yet, but things are just starting to develop. I think it goes without saying that we’ve got a nut-job on our hands. Also: Just to add to the whole gay-happy episode, Andrew looked cuter than ever, too, with just a tad bit of scruff. Just sayin’. And this whole story line involved no Orson-in-wheelchair component: Which, yay!!

NEXT: Susan and old (people) loveLynette, meanwhile, wasn’t dealing with any gays — whew! — but her scenes were all about one of the most random, we-don’t-know-anything-about-her characters: her daughter, Penny. I mean, right? This is a Scavo child who has never really had her own story line since her introduction to the mix and grew up mostly during the fast-forward of five years before last season. We don’t know much about her. So I found myself having a hard time caring about the fact that Lynette forgot her stinkin’ birthday, despite how totally devastating that must be for a child.

All the while Lynette was on screen, I could only think about one thing: Will she ever get a break? Literally, she’s pregnant, frazzled as hell, looking more hardened than ever, and not working. And now she forgets her daughter’s birthday and has to pay for that, too? Dang, this lady needs to pop out that baby and get back to the powerful, sassy Lynette we all know and love. I suppose her impassioned speech to Penny did win me over to this dumpy story line a bit. ”Just think!” she told Penny, after apologizing yet again for forgetting her birthday, about what it will be like for Penny to have her new sister in the house, where the ladies will finally outnumber the men. ”Think of a world where the toilet seat is never up! This is our time to take them down!” The thought of more estrogen in that Scavo house, though, especially with Lynette’s high levels, is scary.

Susan was trading in secondary characters this week, too, encouraging Roy to propose to Mrs. McCluskey. Which he did, despite not wanting to be monogamous with her. And despite the fact that we viewers — or, at least me — don’t want to know anything about his sex life. Seriously, we don’t need that kind of crap on this show! The snoozy story line, as usual, featured Teri Hatcher at her most annoying, as she whinily rattled along to Roy about how he should take the engagement seriously and whatever else. And then Roy kissed her, I suppose to show that he was still, indeed, attracted to other women now that he’s so tied down. And I think — yes I believe — that we were supposed to be shocked by that. Yet: nothing stirred here. When Susan relayed the horror of the situation to her husband Mike, he laughed it off. I’m totally with him there.

Also: I’m totally not into the idea of Susan-as-marriage counselor. Especially to old folks. I mean, why should she be giving Mrs. McCluskey and Roy any advice? And why does she care about anything that goes on with them? And when did she become so versed on happy matrimony? It hasn’t been all roses for her, considering that she’s married to Mike for the second time. And Mrs. McCluskey had a far longer, and far more successful, first marriage than her anyway.

Katherine and Robin, like Gaby and Bree, comprised a story line that was both secondary and homosexual. Robin is definitely B-list, in terms of characters, and she’s a lesbian. (And I suppose Katherine could sort of be considered B-list, too, especially this season? Discuss.) But, the big situation here was that, after last week’s bizzaro episode where Robin revealed she was a lesbian, the ever-lonely Katherine realized she was dreaming about Robin in her underwear. And speaking of that dream…ewwwwww. I’m all about sultriness, but that few minute-scene with Julie Benz taking off her robe and moaning, moaning, and moaning over and over? I got the creepy-crawlies.

NEXT: The Bolens are in a New York state of mindPlus, I have a few problems with this situation as a whole. First, isn’t Desperate Housewives supposed to be all family- and Midwestern mom-friendly? I mean, I know we’re progressing and all as a country, but I’m not really sure that the Betty Crockers of the world are gonna be all cheering for lady-on-lady action while their bundt cake cools. And secondly, no offense to the lovely Dana Delaney, but there is no way that Robin would be into someone like Katherine. I suppose I can’t say that for sure, but this pairing seems rather unlikely in my opinion. But then again, it seems rather unlikely that both Robin and Katherine would be lady-loving, so while we’re suspending belief, I suppose I’ll just go with it.

And, finally, we get to the Bolens. Angie and Nick finally figured out that Danny was gone. He told them he was off to camp with a pal, but they discovered that he’d actually headed to New York, which was coincidentally their old stomping grounds. Angie worried about him going to the old hood and running into the elusive-and-scary-but-he-probably-really-isn’t Patrick. ”Patrick is not going to find him!” Nick assured Angie. Right. I actually think he will. Hopefully, Patrick will find Danny, kill him, then Angie and Nick will find Patrick, too, and then Patrick will kill them, too, so that this too-long gestating story line will be over and everyone involved with it can be put out of their misery.

Well, that was quite the rant there at the end, wasn’t it? Well, if you can’t tell, the snail’s pace of the Bolen story line is driving me up a wall. Let’s get on with it already!

But what did you think, Desperate Housewives fans? Are you as frustrated by the slow speeds of the Bolen reveal? Did you connect any dots in terms of that soap opera all the characters were watching this week? Was it possibly just a subliminal, in-episode ad to promote those short Desperate Housewives-ish episodes during the commercial breaks? Was this possibly the gayest episode of the series ever?

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