Desperate Housewives recap: Therapeutic Effect

Katherine Mayfair finally returned to television in last night’s episode of Desperate Housewives. And thank goodness she was there because otherwise there was nothing of much importance going on during the hour. Lynette and Tom were still sorting out their marital issues and started seeing a therapist; Bree and Orson, too, continued their epic battle with a come-to-Jesus hose-down that hinted at some sort of reconciliation; and Gaby and Susan obsessed over whether their kids were doing well enough in school.

But it was Katherine’s appearance that was the most riveting (and I’m being generous by using the word riveting). We first saw Katherine talking to a psychiatrist, as she’s apparently been living in some sort of a loony bin since stabbing herself before the plane crash that rocked Wisteria Lane. And, what was touching was that Katherine was finally seeing clearly again, and she realized the nasty things she’d done all fall — nearly destroyed Bree’s business, tried to steal Mike back from Susan, and sent Mike to jail. ”I certainly have a firmer grasp on reality now,” she told her shrink. ”I can see things for the first time in a long while, very clearly.” Good, he told her, this is positive. But not so, in her opinion. ”No, not really,” she relayed, ”because now I can see what I’ve done to my life and how I’ve ruined it.”

Mrs. McCluskey, however, wasn’t going to let it all just go down like that and showed up to visit Katherine and tell her that her old friends on Wisteria Lane — no matter how much she’d screwed them over with her crazy antics of the fall — would be willing to give her a second chance. ”Take it from the reigning odd duck on the lane,” Mrs. McCluskey assured her, ”nobody cares about that silly stuff.” And, the really neat thing is that all the ladies lived up to Mrs. McCluskey’s words, as they showed up at the hospital to forgive her. Even Susan! After Mrs. McCluskey showed up a second time and the camera panned to Bree, Gaby, and Lynette, I wasn’t surprised to not see Susan with them. But was more than happy to see her behind the other ladies, ready to make amends. I mean, this crazy stuff between them has got to go. And hopefully, now it will. Let’s give Katherine a new man when she returns home! That’s what I’m hoping for.

NEXT: Animal classification with Susan and GabyLike I already said, the rest of the story lines from last night just kind of sat there rather limply. Susan and Gaby, both in their truly neurotic ways, spent the hour trying to figure out what level of math classes their kids were in at the private school they go to. Giraffes, leopards, or chipmunks? Seriously, the school allegedly categorized the kids by animals for the level in math and didn’t share with the parents what level corresponded with which animal, to keep parents from getting up in arms about their kids not being in the highest level.

Now, there’s no doubt that this was a somewhat realistic story line, since we all know involved parents can be obsessed with their kids success in school. But, c’mon! It just seemed so throwaway to me. And the writers of the episode tried to infuse the end of it — which found Gaby and Susan waiting to sort out the issue with the school’s principal — with some touching moment. ”My kids are my calling card,” Gaby explained to Susan about why she was so crazy about finding out which level math her daughter Juanita was in. ”They’re what I have to show for myself. I don’t have a career, Susan. My kids are my job. And whatever happens, if they succeed or they don’t succeed, it’s because of how I raised them.” Poke my eyes out, please. Gaby, don’t you have your whole modeling career to show for yourself? A good husband? A beautiful house? I know kids are important, but if you have nothing else to show for yourself than them, then you need to get a life. Do it, Gaby! Get a job! Wouldn’t that be easier than spending your time in the principal’s office at school? Also, we’re supposed to believe that Susan is so busy with work that she never sees M.J. anymore? Gimme a break — we haven’t seen her work since she got the job and nearly had a romance with Swoozie Kurtz!

Next were two truly deadly story lines, one featuring a man in a wheelchair, the other couples therapy. As I watched Orson and Bree’s drama unfold about him being wheelchair-bound and Tom and Lynette’s mess blow up about their marital woes, I sat here and just said to myself: Am I still watching Desperate Housewives ? Because these two story lines just seemed so dumpy for this once-sexy show! I supposed there are elements of them that are in the style of Desperate, like the fact that Orson was sort of blackmailing Bree and making her life a living hell and the fact that Lynette went behind Tom’s back and tried to squeeze information out of his therapist. But overall, these two stories just made me want to sleep.

How is it sexy for us to watch Orson roll around in a wheelchair and see Tom and Lynette talk about therapy and whether it’s right for them? (And don’t get me started on the fact that much of Bree and Orson’s story line revolved around whether or not he’d take a bath. Gross.) Granted, not every minute of Desperate Housewives has to be sexy — and Lord knows, it shouldn’t be, as I’m flashing back to Susan’s sultry dance last week — but there should be a little life or verve in what’s going on. These two story lines, however, seemed dead on arrival.

NEXT: Mama Bolen does not approveI guess at least Bree and Lynette’s stories were good for a few funny lines. ”Orson! How are corn nuts urgent?” Bree barked at Orson, who was running her around with a glut of ”urgent” requests. ”Well,” she also told him, during the disgusting you-should-take-a-bath conversation, ”it’s not about what you want anymore, it’s a matter of preserving the drapes.” Hehe. On the Lynette front, I chuckled when she told Tom: ”This morning you walked in and sat on the toilet while I shaved my legs. We have no boundaries!” And, talking about Tom’s ”feelings journal,” Lynette said: ”I bet if we downed a shot every time we read the name Lynette, we’d be hammered by page two.” Hilarious!

And then there’s the Bolens, who were possibly more annoying than Bree or Lynette. Apparently, the writers and producers of the show have decided to just stop even trying to reveal the who-cares-anyway mystery behind the Bolen clan, as this week’s episode just focused on Danny dating Gaby’s niece Ana . And, in a surprising turn, Angie doesn’t like her! More than anything, I couldn’t stand Ana throughout the whole episode. I mean, she’s always been insanely annoying, but somehow, she managed to amp that up even more this week. Overall, what was the point of showing her dating Danny? And showing her at that dinner party with Angie? And revealing that she can really connect with Danny? Why why why should I care about any of this?

Also, isn’t Danny several years older than Ana? She’s definitely in high school, and I thought he was in college. I suppose high schoolers date college kids all the time, but really, this seems like a mismatch. Maybe the producers are just setting up Ana to be involved with the Great Bolen Mystery Reveal of 2010? Maybe Danny will kill her in a few episodes? Who knows. I’m honestly tired of even wondering what’s up with the Bolens!

Again, at least the story line produced a few funny quips. ”It’s great,” Angie sniped at Ana after she said she was going to go into modeling after high school, ”but it’d be nice to have something other than the porn industry to fall back on.” And this little gem: ”So while you’re doing porn,” Angie told Ana, after it was revealed that Danny is a poet, ”he can make the dialogue rhyme!” That Angie can certainly be quite the bitch when she wants to be.

But what did you think, TV Watchers? Do you agree that some of the Lane’s story lines are sagging under the weight of their unsexiness? Were you touched, like me, at the ladies’ willingness to forgive Katherine Mayfair and are you glad that she’s headed back to Fairview? Do you wish that Bob and Lee would get a real story line? Did you notice that there were two — yes, two! — references to whip cream in last night’s episode? Odd!