Desperate Housewives recap: Forgive and Forget

Last night’s Desperate Housewives was the show’s first Angie Bolen-free episode of the season. Did you all notice there was no Drea de Matteo when you were watching? Her cutie-pie son Danny Bolen was there, however, finally taking up with Gaby and Carlos’ voracious and mostly annoying niece Ana. (Which caused me to ask: Why?) The funniest thing about Angie Bolen’s absence from the hour of television was the realization that the great Bolen mystery of the 2009-10 television season — oh, the irony of that! — moved along just as much as it normally does. Which is to say, not at all.

Katherine Mayfair, too, was in absentia. Which is becoming a concern — I like Ms. Mayfair’s regular presence on the Lane! (Isn’t she out of the sanitarium or whatever yet?) But I suppose I should talk about who was present and what did, indeed, happen in last night’s episode. An hour that — yes, I’m gonna say it again, like I did last week — I did actually enjoy!

Let’s start with Gaby’s story line, which was actually rather touching and issues-based for a change. In the midst of trying to get Juanita into private school, Gaby and Carlos learned that Juanita didn’t even realize that she was of Mexican descent because she’d always lived in a neighborhood full of white people, went to school with white kids, and so on. (This seems unlikely, but this is Desperate, so I’m only going to mention that thought in this here parenthetical.) The whole thing led the two to examine a little bit about themselves and where they came from, before finally realizing that they do, indeed, want their daughter to understand their heritage. Awww. I didn’t realize this until the story was unfolding last night, but this is a topic that Desperate hasn’t really gotten into before. Sure, we’ve seen Carlos’ family, but I thought this was a nice, relevant angle that didn’t take Gaby and Carlos down their typical — and honestly, tired — Lucy-and-Desi road.

The best part of the story line, though, was Madison De La Garza, the little actress who plays Juanita Solis. She’s been a hoot all season, especially through the home schooling scenes with Gaby, but tonight she was particularly downright side-splitting. ”I’m Mexican?!?” she screamed when the administrator at Oakridge mentioned her ethnicity. ”Since when? I thought we were American!” And she was right. But no matter, the bluntness with which she said this was too amusing. But that instance was just one in many funny moments for Juanita. I about died when — at the behest of Gaby and Carlos, in a bid to showcase Juanita’s desirable ”diversity” — the little girl creeped back to the administrator’s door after leaving to give him a begrudging, ”Adios, señor!” That’s good stuff. And later, after Gaby fumed that Juanita should know she’s Mexican because ”we eat Mexican food all the time,” the sassy Juanita replied curtly: ”We eat Chinese food, too. Does that mean I’m Chinese?” I love love love Juanita’s character.

NEXT: Mike sees a showWhereas Gaby and Carlos were actually getting along and dealing with offspring issues, the rest of Wisteria Lane’s couples were mostly warring. Bree admitted to her pastor: ”I had an affair.” And he promptly suggested she take the now wheelchair-bound Orson in and care for him to atone for her sins. Orson, however, still seething from the news about Bree’s affair with Karl Mayer, was not at all interested: ”I could forgive you if you betrayed me with anyone even remotely admirable, but you chose the most contemptible man I have ever known. No, Bree, I do not need you.” So Orson moved in with Mrs. McCluskey. In a funny moment, Orson told Bree of the set-up: ”It’s rather quaint, once you get used to the smell of denture cream and scotch.” Ick! Alas, he made the move back to Bree’s, where he started on a new strategy: Making his wife’s life a living hell with annoying request after annoying request. The tables have so turned now, haven’t they? Orson totally has the upper hand, but if his shenanigans don’t move beyond requests of créme brulee, I’ll be annoyed with this situation in about half an episode.

Susan and Mike were fighting, too. Of course, it was a silly struggle that just screamed of Susan Mayer’s general annoyingness. Turns out Karl left Susan his ownership of a strip joint, Double D Gentleman’s Club. So she went down there to try to sell her shares and found out that Mike was a semi-regular patron. Cue: the freakout, Susan-style, where she forbade Mike from going there — even to fix their toilets. He refused and ended up going there after getting a call from a woman (a.k.a. Susan) to fix one of their johns. And, what do you know? On stage was Susan, a.k.a. Miss Fix It, doing a pole dance. Mike’s lesson was learned! Silly.

I mean, it wasn’t a horrible story line, but I sort of couldn’t stand Susan Mayer in general. Why would Mike want to be with such an annoying, desperate ninny anyway? And I also hate the fact that last week we saw Teri Hatcher in a fat suit, so naturally, this week she’s writhing around on a pole. In case you forgot because of that fat suit last week, Teri Hatcher is actually skinny! And sexy! And BOOBS! Everywhere. Gross. Teri Hatcher straddling a pole is something I truly don’t need to see — or think about — ever again. End of conversation.

And lastly to the Scavos, who were reeling from the loss of one of their twins. With the difficulty of everything around the pregnancy, Carlos fixed it where Lynette wouldn’t go back to work until six weeks after the surviving baby was born. (Oh yah, somewhere amidst Lynette saving Celia’s life, Carlos gave her her job back! And the Solis’ brought the Savos a TV — and a remote holder! — as the weirdest thank-you present ever.) But, to help Carlos out since he wouldn’t have his right-hand woman at work, Tom stepped into her job.

And voila! Tom was actually good at the job and even told Carlos that Lynette was going to stay home with the baby after it was born. Cue: a pissed-off Lynette! She confronted Tom, who said he just thought that might be what she’d want to do, given the circumstances. Not that he’d know, since she won’t talk about what happened. And then came the requisite Felicity Huffman-causes-you-to-cry moment of the evening. Responding to Tom’s desire to talk about the baby’s death, she said: ”You want to talk about this? Fine! We lost a kid. We’ll never meet him. We’ll spend the rest of our lives looking at one, always wondering why there aren’t two. How can saying this out loud be helpful?” I had to grab my Puffs, as usual, during this scene. Are the producers aiming to get Felicity Huffman another Emmy this year? Because it seems like it’s highly possible.

What do you think, TV Watchers? Did you enjoy the episode? Do you think Felicity Huffman is Emmy-worthy this year? How much did you love Lee and Mrs. McCluskey’s scene when they were fantasizing about Tom Scavo in tan shorts? And: What was with the burgeoning Desperate Housewives teen/young person scene this week? What was the point? Are they prepping a youth-led spin-off or something?