Bree blows her reconnection to Danielle's son when she disregards his diet, Gaby gets her fire back, and Dave moves forward with a still-unknown, but surely diabolical, plan

By Tanner Stransky
October 13, 2009 at 11:22 PM EDT
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The happenings last night on Wisteria Lane were all rather run-of-the-mill, wouldn’t you agree? Tom started a garage band with Dave, but Lynette did her malicious best to stop it; Bree entertained estranged daughter Danielle, her husband, Leo, and their son, Benjamin, before screwing it all up, much to the chagrin of Orson; Gaby sold her fancy car and bought a lemon with a bad radiator from Andrew; Susan defended son M.J. from chubby bully Juanita Solis and ended up rumbling with pal Gaby; and Katherine and Karen pried deeper into the sketchy past of Edie’s hubby, Dave.

Admittedly, I don’t live in suburbia like these ladies and their husbands, but aren’t all these things the usual perils of the charmed life outside of the city? I’m waiting for something big to happen on Desperate Housewives. Sure, the catfight between Gaby and Susan was a riot, as was Lynette’s continued cunning bids to control Tom’s life. And that scene in the park, with Bree persuading tiny, vegetarian Benjamin to eat a hot dog, was just priceless. “You see, hot dogs and hamburgers are what make little boys and girls grow up to be big and strong,” Bree told her impressionable grandson before continuing to explain why his mom might not like him to eat meat. “Maybe she’s afraid if you get big, you’ll leave home and go play for the Red Sox.” What kid wouldn’t want to gobble down an entire pot roast after hearing that? I couldn’t help but smile when Marcia Cross was layering on her perfect wickedness in that scene. She’s so damn good at being Bree. And the interaction between Bree and Danielle was great, too, launching with the prim mother’s backhanded comment about her daughter’s “delightfully ethnic ensemble.” You could almost see the steam coming out of Bree’s ears as Danielle shattered all of the WASPy dreams she had for grandson Benjamin.

But I found myself constantly turning to the one huge piece of intrigue swirling around the lane: Dave Williams. The guy continues to be a complete mystery. As much as Mrs. McCluskey — and her slightly unwilling partner-in-crime Katherine — tried, they couldn’t get him to reveal any details about his past. All right, so when publicly pressed by Edie at Danielle’s welcome-home party, he reluctantly revealed that he’d never been able to go to college and it was a huge sore spot for him. But, c’mon, the guy is clearly lying! I guess you can’t say that to a person — especially to your husband — but a guy that smart definitely went to college.

As I sit here and think about what’s really going on with Dave, I can’t help but wonder: Is there a chance that when we find out what his damage is that we’ll just feel Applewhited? Of course, any longtime fan of Desperate Housewives could never forget the season 2 blunder that was Betty Applewhite’s move to Wisteria Lane and her ensuing mystery. After episodes of buildup and rattling chains coming from her basement, the story line was such a disappointment. Her mentally handicapped son had killed a girl and she was hiding him away from the world. But sometimes he’d escape and do weird things. Woooooo. Riveting.

NEXT: Dave starts to set up Mrs. McCluskey

I’m feeling that the tidbits of scoop we’re getting about Dave’s situation are being fed to us in a very similar fashion as the Applewhite story line — slow and tedious. With that comes a lot of expectation of a great, roof-blowing bombshell. Sure, we’re only three episodes in, so it might be early to complain about the lack of juice, but are we going to have any idea about what he’s really up to before Christmas? At the rate we’re going right now, I doubt it. Right now, Dave just seems to be building his own personal army. Katherine is on his side because of her fixed sprinklers, and Tom is loving him because of the garage band. Lynette seems to be leery of him, but warming up, after Dave brought over the new bass and scared her that, if she didn’t accept it, Tom’s midlife crisis might just get worse. Next week, Dave will likely move to impress other Wisteria Lane residents to further his dastardly plans. Maybe he’ll offer to babysit the Solis girls so Gaby can go get a pedicure!

One thing I think we can expect with the Dave story line in the near future is for Karen McCluskey to begin to appear totally crazy. At the end of the episode, Edie told him that it was actually Mrs. M. who was so interested in his past. Sensing that the old lady was onto his sketchiness, he was quick to point that the old lady seemed to showing signs of dementia, just like his grandmother. He mentioned that his dear granny started thinking people were stealing things from her house and whatnot. So I won’t be surprised when Dave starts breaking into Mrs. McCluskey’s house to take a few choice items off her hands. Then she’ll really look bonkers. As much as the battle between these two seems weighted in favor of Dave, I’m not ready to count out Mrs. McCluskey. Despite her constant cooing to Toby the cat, that’s one tough old broad.

Another tough broad? Gaby, even though she might not be the first to admit it. Between giving Susan a playground-worthy shove and threatening to crash into Andrew’s shiny new car, she wasn’t playing last night. Which put me in a good mood. Susan was right when, during their vodka-soaked make-up session, she told Gaby she was the strongest person she knew. And truthfully, Gaby is dealing with lots right now — a blind husband, no job, and a chubby daughter. Part of me wonders if any of her friends even get what she’s going through. Are they simply ignoring her clunky new car, lack of glamorous outfits, disheveled look? Maybe it’s just that they’re all so caught up in their own lives that they haven’t been able to notice. As strong as she is, methinks Gaby is one spilled glass of milk away from a full-out meltdown.

NEXT: Sound bitesBefore I sign off this TV Watch, I thought I’d share a few of my favorite sound bites from the night. When I used to regularly recap Ugly Betty, I provided my favorite lines at the end of each write-up, and readers seemed to like it. Granted, I touched on some choice quips above, but these ones are fun, too. If you don’t see the one you loved from last night’s episode, just leave it as a comment below. Here goes:

• “Gaby, Juanita is fat for your age!” — Susan, after Gaby asks her if she’s implying that her daughter Juanita is fat for her age

• “Just so we’re clear, what I’m about to throw up is a Western omelet.” — Katherine, at Bree’s dinner party, after Benjamin threw up the two hot dogs he ate that afternoon

• “Yeah, because there’s nothing scarier than a guy coming at you with jazz hands.” — Mike, teasing Jackson for his dance-inspired fighting techniques

• “That is sexist! If feminism means anything, it’s that it’s okay for a big mean girl to get her butt kicked.” — Susan, after Mike tells her he won’t teach son M.J. how to fight so he can beat up on a girl

• “You get winded just climbing out of the tub. You’re never gonna climb a mountain.” — Lynette, while trying to get Tom to throw away his never-used mountain-climbing gear

• “I’m married to a 45-year-old man who drives a red convertible. Yeah, I think I know.” — Lynette, after the ever-creepy Dave asks if she’s familiar with the midlife crisis

Now I want to know what you think, TV Watchers, and there’s a lot to discuss: What was your favorite sound bite of last night? Are Bree and Orson headed for disaster? Why wasn’t Andrew around for Danielle’s return to the lane? Do you think Edie is being too nice? And, lastly, don’t you think more bullying is coming M.J.’s way simply because his real name is Maynard Jr.? Discuss!

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Eva Longoria Parker, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, and Felicity Huffman star in the soap set on the dangerous Wisteria Lane
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