Desperate Housewives recap: Lost and Found

The theme of last night’s episode of Desperate Housewives seemed focused on loss. Of course, the ladies (and their hubbies) of Wisteria Lane are always losing something — their best friend to suicide, babies to their rightful mothers, etc. — but the idea of passing seemed ratcheted up in the latest installment. Gaby lost her social standing (and Carlos, well, he’s already lost his eyesight). Karen McCluskey lost (and then ”found”) her cat. No surprise, Edie lost even more of her dignity at the hand of Mrs. M. Susan lost the separation she had between her old flame Mike and her new flame Jackson. Lynette lost any sort of rapport she had with Parker. And this is by no means a complaint, but Gale Harold once again lost his shirt. (Yowza, he’s, um, good looking!)

On the subject of loss, let’s talk Lynette first. Because in these first two episodes I’ve been wondering quite a bit about something else she seems to have lost: her other children. Of course, thus far the story line has been focused on bad-boy duo Preston and Porter, but what is going on with Penny and Parker? And — dare I say it? — Kayla? Is she still locked away with Grandma or whatever?

Granted, we did see Parker tonight — he helped Lynette with her plan to squeeze some juice out of Porter about his drug-dealing friend. I rather enjoyed this story line. It felt very real and contemporary for Lynette to not understand what Silver Fizz — Fairview’s version of Facebook — was and then use the newfangled computer program to find out the deets about what’s really going on least-chatty child. I know that, as an avid Facebook user myself, I’ve wondered whether my parents were logging on and checking out my profile. Or even my employer? (Um, making a mental note to tidy up my profile when I’m done writing.)

And sure, Lynette took it to the next level by creating a fake person who Porter fell in love with, but it made what she was doing all the more interesting. I honestly felt bad for Porter — how embarrassing would it be to find out that your new Facebook honey was actually your mom? Yikes! The story line did produce one of my favorite lines of the night, courtesy of Tom, who freaked out after he found out that Lynette was continuing her online charade: ”You told a teenage boy that you liked his poetry?” he said. ”Geez, Lynette, why not just flash him a boob!” And Tom zinged again by mocking Lynette’s ”breakup letter” with his own version: ”Dear Porter, I’m really liking you, but I wanna see other offspring.” Hilarious! Funny award of the night just might go to Tom.

NEXT: They call him Mr. Hodge

Another hubby on the Lane, Orson, was back but he wasn’t having as much fun as Tom. And do you really blame him? At first, I thought he was going a tad overboard about the whole Bree-not-using-Hodge-as-her-last-name thing, but I quickly realized it was just setting up for the domestic diva to insult him even further. (As if her telling him ”Hodge sounds like the noise a plunger makes” wasn’t insult enough.) Bree said on radio that there ”was no Mr. Van de Kamp” and then neglected to even mention Orson. And honestly, in this situation, I can understand the pain for both of them. Orson doesn’t want to feel like he’s being swept under the rug; Bree doesn’t want to let the world know that she’s married to an ex-con. But my question is: What would really happen if someone — a particularly enterprising fan or whoever — put two and two together and figured out that Orson was the guy who ran over Mike? I mean, I suppose Bree’s pristine image would be tarnished a bit, but wouldn’t that just make her all the more real? And isn’t that what she’s going for? Or, maybe not — real and perfect are definitely not the same things in Bree’s demented little world.

But on the Orson front, too, I’m concerned about him and what’s coming from him in the next couple of episodes. His reaction when she didn’t mention him and then didn’t make the pot roast she promised was quite fierce. First, snapping the chopsticks, then forcing a crying Bree to serve up the dinner past midnight. Are we about to see a darker side of Orson? Would all really have been well if she had just made the damn pot roast? Doubt it because something seems to be brewing. Who knows, maybe we’re about to see him return to his older, slightly more rageful ways. And that’d be fine by me. Bree will eventually need something to distract her more from the domestic diva stuff, which is only distracting her from the loss of Danielle’s son. So much distraction, so little time!

Maybe it’s just me, but Susan’s story felt like a snoozefest. But then again, I’m always sort of down on Susan. She continues to be annoying! This week, the big drama was that Mike wanted to meet Jackson, the guy who Susan is currently cavorting in bed with. Totally understandable for a meet and greet, but I don’t think a beer-and-football-talk night was necessary. Or the follow-up of potato skins, which thankfully never happened. Couldn’t Susan just invite Mike over for dinner to meet Jackson? By the end of this tired story line, I realized what the producers really wanted to do: set up the possibility of Mike and Susan rekindling their romance. That bar scene where he said all those nice things to her, and then she kind of softened a bit on the whole Mike-Jackson friendship, seems like the entrée to their renewed romance. And, actually, despite my hatred for Susan, I think I’d be okay with that. Despite slight boredom with him, I never had any beef with Mike.

And honestly, I think Mike’s got to make more of a full-time return to the street because I suspect — as I’m sure many of you TV Watchers do, too — that Mike may be the person the increasingly creepy Dave Williams has it out for. Maybe that mother and baby who were killed in the Mike-Susan car wreck were Dave’s family? Still, my instincts also tell me that it couldn’t just be that easy. Desperate is famous for its twists and mysteries, so it couldn’t be that simple, right? Doubtful.

NEXT: Here, kitty, kitty

But speaking of Edie’s new man, Dave, how freaky was he this week? I know I mentioned that last week, too, but it seems to only be increasing. He stole Mrs. McCluskey’s cat so that she’d be nice to them? Um, scary! Although there was no conclusive evidence that he was actually the culprit, that’s definitely what the producers want us to think. And I do believe it. This guy seems prepared to do much worse than steal a cat to get what he wants, so that was really just small potatoes.

I should just put this out there before I begin this next thought: I j’adore old ladies. So when Dave made Mrs. McCluskey feel like crap for talking to her cat and not having any loved ones around, I felt simply rageful. This lady’s so grandmotherly (well, in an exceptionally cranky sort of way), and I couldn’t help but think of my own grandmas, Maxine and Lillian. So you can just imagine how happy I was when Mrs. McCluskey asked Katherine if she could use her computer to dig up the dirt on Dave. You go, Granny! I’d love it if she were the one to crack the mystery and bring him down. (And on the Katherine note, can we see a little bit more of her, please? I miss that lady. Don’t waste Dana Delany’s talents by having her appear for only a few moments!)

And now we’re finally to Gaby. Poor, poor, poor Gaby. No, literally. The Solis family is hard up for cash. So Carlos took a masseur gig (guess he got his massage therapy degree during the five years we didn’t see) at the country club. The club, natch, that Gaby used to belong to and, well, preside over as queen. When she and Carlos were invited to a friend’s birthday party there, Gaby was très excited. But Bree was the bearer of bad news — Gaby couldn’t actually go because the friend didn’t want the help mingling with her club-member friends. Or, as Gaby put it, ”It’s gonna be the start of our slow slide from gowns and galas to flip-flops and keggers.” Ha! I enjoyed that one. Of course, Bree couldn’t leave the let-her-down-easy scene without her own biting quip. After Gaby tried to get the invite reinstated by hatching a plan to tell everyone that Carlos quit his job at the club, Bree hilariously said, ”Oh, hon, I don’t think that’s gonna fly — he’s already rubbed too many members.” Hehehe. Sex jokes get me every time! I’m just surprised the writers didn’t throw in anything about a happy ending.

Again, after Gaby snuck into the party, with a hapless Carlos, and then got kicked out, the once heinous, constantly bickering couple provided the sentimental moment of the evening. Gaby said she was losing everything, while Carlos said he was happier than he’s ever been. Cue the tingles! Awwww, I’m beginning to really like them together, thanks to this new hardship that they’re facing. But also, where’s the drama? It can’t just be like a Lucy-Ricky slapstick routine every week for the pair. I mean, I’m enjoying it now, but that’ll get old if that’s the only place they go with the poor/fat/overworked story line that the Solis family is facing.

Okay, TV Watchers, so what did you think of last night’s episode? Do you think Dave Williams really stole Mrs. McCluskey’s cat? Are Bree and Orson going to survive the season? What do you think Porter might do in retaliation for Lynette’s deception? Are you missing Katherine like I am? Burn up those comment boards, please!