Desperate Housewives recap: Pest Perfect
Susan makes a nuisance of herself trying to welcome the new gay couple, while Carlos and Gaby deal with an infestation of crabs, and Bree battles her mother-in-law
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The gays have arrived on Wisteria Lane! It’s about damn time. And how much do I love that they hate Susan Meyer? She met the new couple, Bob and Lee, on their moving day, and she of course made a fool of herself trying to appear not at all intolerant. (”I watch a lot of cable.”) First impression: not good. She then attempted to ”bake” for the fellas — she actually just heated up some cookie bars and said they were homemade. The problem was that Lee is allergic to nuts and Susan had no idea what the ingredients were. Second impression: worse. Finally, Julie found the guys’ dog, Rafael, and brought it home to give it a snack. Crazy Susan thought this was the ultimate way to get the neighbors to like her. She would hide the dog in her garage and then swoop in like the hero when they panicked. Only, like all of Susan’s plans, this went awry. Mike came home and opened the garage door. Rafael ran back home with his paws covered in the yellow paint Susan had on her hands when she first met Bob and Lee. In her defense, she was wearing a gorgeous dress during the whole fiasco, but that’s really her only decision I can support.
It was an episode filled with many arrivals, in fact. Katherine’s aunt Lily came home to die in the care of her niece. But Lily was more concerned about confessing to whatever dastardly deed she and Katherine had done in that house. I think it’s pretty safe to assume they both killed Katherine’s first husband and covered it up. Is there more to this mystery? I certainly hope so. Katherine seems to have some kind of confession radar, because just as Aunt Lily was about to reveal their secret to Dylan, Katherine arrived to interrupt. When Lily was about to die, she wrote what I’m guessing is a confession on a piece of paper and dropped it to the floor. Presumably Katherine will sense that too and find it before anyone else does.
Also returning was Lynette’s libido. On a break from chemo, Lynette was feeling frisky, and so was Tom, initially. But once her wig came off during foreplay, Tom’s, uh, interest died. My favorite moment was when we saw his reaction as Lynette’s big bald noggin slid down his body. So Lynette and Gaby took a trip to Ye Old Wig Shop and decided that Lynette should experiment with new looks. Lynette chose a red wig and played Brandy, the slutty cheerleader. Tom ate it up, but it seemed he was now only interested in sex with Lynette if she was playing a part. Not so flattering for Lynette. But finally Tom confessed that he liked the distraction of role playing because Lynette’s cancer has been tough on him too. Am I the only one who thought he was being a tad selfish? Here he was whining about how Lynette never asks how he’s doing, and she’s battling a potentially terminal illness.
NEXT: Surprise visitors
Also, Bree’s ex-mother-in-law, Phyllis, made a reappearance for Bree’s baby shower. The party happened against Bree’s will, unfortunately. After Phyllis sent Danielle a scooter and Bree refused to let Andrew keep it (”We’ll donate it to the church!”), Andrew got back at his mother by arranging the shower and inviting Phyllis. The scooter did, though, provide some great laughs as Orson drove it back and forth down the street. That was the funniest Kyle MacLachlan has ever been on this show. But the laughs stopped when Phyllis, rifling through Bree’s closet for the sable coat she had given her, found Bree’s fake pregnancy bellies. Phyllis threatened to tell Bree’s friends the truth but then relented when Bree told her that she was hoping for a second chance with this baby. Phyllis would have liked a second chance as well. It was nice to see that character again. The whole Rex situation seems like ages ago, doesn’t it? Anyhoo, Phyllis turned out to be a bit more nefarious than Bree had thought. The final scenes had Phyllis packing Danielle’s things and taking her out of the convent. This will undoubtedly drive Bree crazy.
And Edie got a first-time visitor: crabs. I hope this is the last of the gynecological visits we see on this show. It’s a bit too graphic for little Tim. But I have to say this one was fairly amusing. Edie apparently picked up the infestation from a tanning bed, but the real upshot was that Carlos had to tell Gaby about the infection. It all led to a quite chuckle-worthy scene in which Gaby played nurse for Victor and spread anti-crab medication all over his body. It all culminated at Bree’s shower when Edie noticed that Victor smelled like the same medication she had been using. As a cater waiter offered crab cakes throughout the party, Edie finally put two and two together. Fantastic scene. Although it has put me off crab cakes for the rest of my life.
What did you think of last night’s Housewives? Do you think the gay couple has a secret? Will Gaby and Carlos ever get back together?
Eva Longoria Parker, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, and Felicity Huffman star in the soap set on the dangerous Wisteria Lane