The right couple heads home, a Prom King and Queen rise to power, and at long last, Bruno Tonioli joins the Village People
Dancing With The Stars Recap
Credit: ABC

Dancing With the Stars truly is the Y.M.C.A. of reality TV — you can get yourself clean, make real your dreams, put your pride on the shelf, hang out with all the boys…it’s perfect! You can do whatever you feel! Alas, the longer Wynonna Judd stayed in this place, the less she seemed likely to find many ways to have a good time. When she and partner Tony Dovolani got eliminated tonight, I couldn’t really tell if she was sad. I know they weren’t surprised, at least. (Read EW’s interview.)

In fact, despite Tony’s last two incredibly cheese-tastic presentations for their dances, pretty much the only thing I’ll remember about Wynonna Judd on DWTS is this face:

You’re not gonna love me as a dancer, and I don’t care!

Wynonna called DWTS “the hardest job I’ve ever loved” and thanked Tony and her country music fans. Was she in shock? Dying to get out of there? Utterly trapped under thousands of layers of makeup and sequins? Bored? All of the above is my guess. Anyway, they were the right pair to leave on Week 3 after a Prom Night cha cha full of standing around and looking over it.

Andy Dick and Sharna Burgess joined Wynonna and Tony in the official bottom two, while Lisa Vanderpump and Gleb Savchenko were “in jeopardy” at the end but not necessarily in the bottom three. Andy looked ready to pry Sharna’s fingers off her hands as he clutched her for support. They’re really putting Our Pros to work on Tuesday night’s lately — I felt awful for him when, moments after they were announced as “in jeopardy,” Sharna had to sashay away to shimmy around in red fringed leotards with Peta and five others to ease the audience into a commercial break. (I wasn’t mad about the leotards, of course.)

Jacoby Jones and Zendaya Coleman were named Dancing With the Stars‘ official Prom King and Queen (sorry, Len’s Monday pick, Derek and Kellie), as elected by their royal constituents, a.k.a. Twitter. They each earned two bonus points (that they didn’t need, because they were SAFE) and the right to watch Huey Lewis & The News from front-row thrones. Imagine the farts our Disney princess had to put up with in their private royal stratosphere! I mean, don’t.

D.L. Hughley, winner of the coveted Prom Week award, “Black Guy on the Show With No Rhythm” (joked Cheryl), expressed his major beef with the judges, so expect that to be a big plot point next week. “Len and Bruno are asses, bullies,” D.L. said, referring to their critiques of his Monday night salsa — “No rhythm, not a lot of hip action,” said Len; “Like a case of hip replacement!” yelped Bruno. Pretty standard stuff, but according to D.L., they took it too far. “I’m a comedian, not a clown,” he clarified. Dude, no one was thinking that!

It was bound to happen: Bruno Tonioli has finally joined the Village People! He revealed a glistening “four-pack” (joked Tom) at the end of Sean and Peta’s “Y.M.C.A.” cha cha cha encore. LOOKIN’ GOOD, SIR!

Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare? You make the call. I say neither.

NEXT: The Top 7 (“seh-vehhhhhn!”) moments of the results show

Annie’s Top 7 (“Seh-vehhhhn!“) Results Show Moments for Tuesday, April 2, 2013

7. That backwards voyage through time, choreographed by Nick Florez and RJ Durell, was the most hypnotizing Macy’s Stars of Dance in recent memory. I generally seem to tolerate and even enjoy the Macy’s numbers when *umbrellas* are involved. Fetish!

6. Team Blonde (Kellie and Derek) completely failing at basic addition. They have another week to learn it!

5. Tristan and two Troupe ladies delivering five seconds of hotness while whipping each other around to “A Little Less Conversation” — um, how about a little less cutting to commercial break so we can see more of this dance?

4. Tony and Derek smoldering as they circled each other in the dramatic and appropriately fog-enhanced Red Hoods vs. No Hoods face-off.

3. The sheer ferocity of Val in this dance must also be noted.

2. Tom’s big reveal that this brilliant all-male exhibition, choreographed by Jason Gilkison, was “based on an actual spray tan rumble”!

1. “I guarantee you’re gonna be prom queen!” –Peta to Sean


HIDDEN GEM CITY (also the name of my wireless network):

One Direction, Fern Gully, Kym and Ingo’s primetime TV doppelgangers, and the missing DANCMSTR vanity plate all encourage you to appraise’s Hidden Gems of Week 3 — now updated with special messages from Tom Bergeron and Harold Wheeler!


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