Dancing with the Stars recap: Hills to the No
Surprise! Despite a strong grasp of ballroom dance technique and…that’s about it, Audrina “My Boobs Are in the Way” Patridge went home last night. She just couldn’t perform. During confessional footage from Monday night, her partner, Tony “I Waxed My Legs For This?” Dovolani, reassured her in a very Louis Van Intensité tone of voice that she had not let him down. “You didn’t just complete it. You danced your ass off for me. You danced your heart out.” I got my first Audrina-related chills of the season! And in a moment, she was gone.
Kyle Massey and Jennifer Grey were also announced as “in jeopardy.” Rock and Roll Week’s lowest-scoring dancer, Kurt Warner was the first to be named safe, with little fanfare, and then Tom Bergeron hushed the Sparkalien crowd with a stern “Listen up, everybody…” so he could have complete dramatic silence before announcing that Bristol Palin was also safe. Bristol even got the encore dance. What? Wha happened?
During our weekly Q&A, Derek waxed poetic about the dreaded but ultimately meaningless distinction of being named “in jeopardy.” Explained Derek, “That red light is like the warming light at a diner. You hope that something good comes out of it, but you never really know.” Don’t worry, you guys — my next question for Derek will totally be “What the hell have you been ordering at diners?”
I loved that the musical acts for Rock Week were so female-heavy! We finally got a Tuesday exhibition from Our Pros, set to Heart’s “Barracuda.” I suffered a bit of secondhand whiplash from leaning too far “into”* my TV (*I wish) in an attempt to figure out who was dancing with Damian. It was his girlfriend, Peta Murgatroyd. Sadly, I couldn’t take as much pride in a successful Google search on this one because she wasn’t Russian. Vowels in the surname just make it too easy.
NEXT: It’s reigning Minogue, and Alice Cooper unleashes his inner Sparkalien!
Later, the always hard-rocking Kylie Minogue, Australian for Queer, returned to Planet Mirrorballus from the lowly earth down under — she is one of its official duchesses, so this was merely a routine visit to reestablish sovereignty. For “Get Out of My Way,” Kylie was flanked, naturally, by shirtless men who may as well have been completely naked because their pants looked painted on. I dare say DNCMSTR would have appreciated Kylie and her beef slabs’ “chair work” because it was such an intrinsic part of the dance. So You Think You Can Dance alum Mark Kanemura appeared between Tom and Kylie after the song and wasn’t allowed to “break the hold” of his final position or intense gaze. What a marvelous, single-faceted gem!
ICONIC ROCKERS WEIGHED IN on Dancing With the Stars. Because what else would they do, really? Bret Michaels and Dee Snider looked the part, but Alice Cooper best captured the spirit of this reality television show about ballroom dancing: “Grab them by the throat, and don’t let them go until they vote for you.” A tried-and-true tradition!
I’ll leave you DNCMSTRs with a generous sprinkling of EW.com’s ‘DWTS’ Hidden Gems of the Week — the finest collection of reader-submitted ridiculata in all the virtual land!
“Brooke did a double-take at Audrina’s boobs.” –Baby’s Corner
“Rick Fox & some gal in the front row rocking the same platinum mohawk.” –Heathermsc, Lorie, Katja, gigi, ice castle, K2, Corran, Susan, Staci, JH, TequilaSunrise, Jury’s Out, IMissKristi, Anthony, amylovesnewwave, sm, j, Tina, A
“At the end of Kurt’s dance, he was bending over Anna and the poof of steam behind him went off…. looking like it was coming from Kurt.” –Tgirl
“First-time hidden gem nominator and this one is from my 9-year-old son, who doesn’t even know about this fun exercise. He commented on the smiling elderly man to the right of Tom just before Kyle and Lacey danced. White hair, lots of clapping and a big toothy smile! Looked to be enjoying himself!!” –WxMom
And if you missed it Monday afternoon, check out this week’s Crazy Costume Watch (back by popular demand), featuring Tom, the judges, Random Guitar Guy, and Maks’ unique assets from multiple angles.
See you next week — discuss the Week 6 results below!
‘DWTS’: All Hidden Gems of the Week
Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett
LOVE TO TALK ABOUT TELEVISION? Then don’t miss this week’s TV Insiders podcast! Annie Barrett, Dalton Ross, Michael Ausiello, Michael Slezak, Missy Schwartz, and our resident TV critic Ken Tucker weigh in on the best show on television right now, and dish the latest happenings on Project Runway, Survivor, and Dancing With the Stars. Click here to download the TV Insiders podcast to your MP3 player, or listen to an embedded version below!
Dancing With the Stars