April 11, 2012 at 06:17 AM EDT

Dancing With the Stars

TV Show
Reality TV
run date
Tom Bergeron, Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli, Len Goodman, Erin Andrews, Julianne Hough
Current Status
In Season

More ominous, tense stuff: At one point there was a totally bizarre shot from Monday night of Gene Simmons in full Kiss regalia solemnly “presiding over” Melissa Gilbert’s oxygen mask application in the Red Room — an “Only on Dancing With the Stars” moment of questionable greatness for the ages. Update on Melissa: She’s doing okay after hitting her head during Monday’s paso doble. Wait, did she hit her head on the floor or did Maks kick her in the head when he went down? I still can’t tell. It doesn’t matter; she got dizzy.

Matador Maks emerged from a holding pool of sparkly quicksand to represent their partnership during the results show as Melissa enjoyed sedation and bedrest. Melissa suffered a mild concussion, but it turns out Maks is injured too. He hurt his arm. “It took away from the pain in the ankles, knees, and shoulders,” he joked before thanking Gavin DeGraw for carrying Melissa down the stairway to Brookebot Mountain on Monday.

Karina Smirnoff roped in retired Cuban ballet dancer José Manuel Carreño for a gorgeous exhibition backed by the Gotan Project. The music may have sounded familiar: I suspect that any time Lacey, Mark, or Derek have twisted the producers’ arms into letting them use pre-recorded music instead of the DWTS Band, it’s been Gotan Project. They’re heavy hitters for Argentine tangos on So You Think You Can Dance, too.

I’ve been listening to Gotan Project on Spotify for the past hour and I feel like I’ve entered another dimension in which all of my “moves” (google something! delete! locate tilde on keyboard!) are zippier and performed with a more meaningful flourish. I could definitely live like this full-time. I just need to buy a few hundred sultry red garden bulbs for my apartment. Aren’t you so glad you’re experiencing this lifestyle regime change liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive with me? Great, anyway, I wanted Karina and Jose’s slithery-red balletic tango to last so much longer and I especially wanted to see some more solo moves from José.

Oh hey, there’s Dawson Leery, looking exactly the same.

Don’t trust the Van Der B who claims to have aged since Dawson’s Creek!

Annie’s Top 7 (Seh-vehhhhn!) Results Show Moments for Tuesday, April 10, 2012

7. Carrie Ann’s weird “Jazzercise video leader” demonstration at the top of Kiss’ opening number featuring Mark, Chelsie, Henry, and Oksana. ROCK WEEK!

6. Tom admitting “you gotta hate them just a little” after Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd — “two people with a grand total of three percent body fat” — danced their “Purple Haze” paso doble as the first Tuesday night encore of the season

5. Monday night footage: Bruno’s complete disinterest bordering on disdain as Jaleel White howled over and over in an effort to psych himself up for the tango

4. More MNF: Chelsie’s verbal coaching during the Viennese waltz: “Yes!” — and later — “Hell yeah!”

3. Dmitry Chaplin’s abs. Vegas tour, baby! Eagerly awaiting a free weekend trip to the Tropicana so I can properly cover this.

2. Brooke’s response to Derek predicting his pants would come off for next week’s spicy Latin night: “I think that might be a nice change.”

1. Tom’s followup quip on the floor: “If you hear that laugh of Maria’s enough, the pants go right back on.”

Farewell, sweet Sherri.

The SHEP-HERD letters on Val’s knuckles would like to remind you to appraise Your Hidden Gems of Week 4. Sob.

Which couple do you think should have headed home this week?

Follow @EWAnnieBarrett

Read more:

Week 4 ‘Rock Night’ performance recap: Mimes Gone Wild!

Tristan MacManus blogs Rock Week: Tongue-wagging with Gene Simmons

Sherri’s son, Maks’ side tat, Little Orphan Maria, other Hidden Gems of Week 3

‘DWTS’ to feature sneak peek of Disney doomsday film starring William Levy

All of Annie’s ‘DWTS’ episode recaps

Ask Annie anything about ‘Dancing With the Stars’ (or whatever) in the video player below. To see her answers to previous questions, click on the text links below the picture. This is *not* liiiiiiive! and she is not really sitting there right now. She updates a few times per week.

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