It's a full-fledged Situation in the ballroom, as the season's first elimination is a shocker!

By Annie Barrett
Updated September 22, 2010 at 03:57 AM EDT
Credit: Adam Larkey/ABC

What?!? Come on! I can’t believe The Hoff is going home. I know his Star has significantly dimmed, something called The Situation is more famous than him, and he’s a generally silly piece of work. But I’m shocked. Think of the context here. I feel like David Hasselhoff was exactly as ridiculous as Dancing With the Stars. So how could he have gotten the boot?

I don’t know howwww…you were inverted. No one alerted you….

Oh, well! I’m over it.

But Carrie Ann wasn’t! I liked her grave reaction to Hasselhoff’s elimination, maybe something along the lines of “America got this wrong! Michael Bolton should have left, and we wouldn’t miss a thing!” But it was probably something about how hot Rick Fox is. I’m with Margaret Cho: That man looks like he’s made of some delicious toffee!

That filler segment about OUR PROS FEELING THE HEAT seemed to set us up for a possible Brandy elimination, which also would have provided the shock Tom and Brooke had promised. Maks boldly claimed, “If I go home first, I will take full responsibility for not being good enough for this show.” He would never have been able to show his sweet cheeks (both sets) in the ballroom again. The horror!

At least Florence Henderson gets to stay. Holy hell is that woman in it to win it. “I must come back, Brooke,” she pleaded backstage. “It’s like someone injects you with some kind of joy and energy. It’s wonderful here.” She’s a full-blown Sparkalien who needs her fix. I’m not sure there’s been a bigger instant DWTS junkie since Steve Guttenberg. Florence has so fully assimilated into the atmosphere of Planet Mirrorballus that I would not be surprised if her eyeballs are actually enormous gems. It normally takes at least three weeks for the body to accept the eye-to-gem transplant without risk of rejection. Florence is ahead of the pack!

Good musical guests tonight. (Or, as my ballroom-wary music-snob pal texted me at the top of the show: “Et tu, Santana?”) The guitar legend struck a chord three times — first solo, then with india.arie, and finally with Chris Daughtry. “Oye Como Va” thrilled me to no end, especially the men’s collective butt-shake and the hidden gem of Maks “drumming” Cheryl’s chest at the end. I especially geeked out during the “glimpse of backstage” sequence that opened the episode. Please do that before every results show! You’ve got an hour to fill, you know. Tom knows.

Next: A Dancing With the Stars Museum — think about it!

I liked how Santana’s spare guitar was perched by itself at center stage as he and India awkwardly waved. It was to be treasured and revered, like the mirrorball trophy and the very first Bruno and the Brunettes album.

Now I’m picturing all sorts of “relics” in glass cases, many years down the line. There could be a Dancing With the Stars museum someday. I could curate it. It’s not out of the question. Look at ABBAWORLD. The first “collection” that comes to mind is Edyta’s legwarmers, separated into “rehearsal” and “performance” categories. Maybe even “lounge.” Who knows what she wears around the house? Okay, I need to stop. She’s not even on the show.

Meanwhile, Adam Carolla returned — as usual, on his unicycle — with a goofball segment. I learned so much during Tour de Dance. I had no idea the quickstep was a combination of “Charleston, foxtrot, and constantly being bombed by Germans.” WE SHOULD NOT BE GIVING THE HOFF ANY IDEAS.

Oh, and for those of you keeping score at home on your VIEWER’S LEADERBOARD: The Situation, Kyle Massey, and Kurt Warner were all deemed “in jeopardy” along with The Hoff. Kyle was the last one sent back to safety.

I’ll leave you DANCMSTRs with this parting shot of The Hoff — and a reminder to head over to PopWatch to see all of the Hidden Gems of the Season 11 Premiere in their sparkly, freshly mined glory!

“Maksim trying to get a high five from Kym and Hoff as they came in to get their scores and getting denied. He settled for the back pat.” –Craig, endorsed by tkemoses

Oh there’s more:

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

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