An unexpected star goes home, and Shakira shakes her groove thing
Dancing With the Stars | Somehow Michael Irvin evaded the judges' paddles of doom and Louie Vito went home
Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC

Surprise elimination! Ultimate Fighting Champ Chuck Liddell and everyone’s favorite Anna, the fiery Ms. Tre-BUN-skaya, will no longer be with us in season 9. I’m a little sad — I thought Chuck might have had hot pockets of fans all over the country to keep him in. I’m guessing he’s not too upset. When the judges praise your entertainment value, your cute kids get to be on TV, and your excellent partner’s final words to you include such eloquence as ”You are a bear and you are my hippo,” is there really any cause for complaint?

Aaron Carter and Karina were in the bottom two with Chuck — not Michael Irvin and Anna D., as I’m guessing most of us had expected. Aaron will not be crying for at least another week, and neither will Louie Vito, as he was quick to point out during last night’s show. Melissa Joan Hart got the encore for the highest-scoring but not exactly the best Charleston from Monday night. DANCMSTR faked us all out by promising the encore to Joanna and Derek’s Lambada, or maybe Derek suffered a rare bout of performance anxiety at the last minute and wasn’t sure if he could climax again so soon.

Derek for Bachelor? Or maybe those two average-looking dudes planted in the front row? Nope, it’ll be Jake. Or, as Kristen Baldwin puts it on PopWatch: Jake is the new Bachelor. What, was a box of rocks not available? Good question. I’d much rather watch a reality dating series about Derek — he should at least be the shirtless Ken doll who shows up poolside to teach the ”ladies” all about how the forbidden dance is…Lambada. Anyone else?

I don’t know who Shakira thought she was kidding by attempting to perform on a Dancing With the Stars results show sans the visual enhancement of Our Pros. A group number to ”Hips Don’t Lie” would have been full-out poetry in motion. But I guess I can take a joke. Those background dancers/fancy Asian percussionist hybrids behind her during ”Did It Again” certainly were not kidding around. A significant chunk of my consciousness over the last 90 minutes has devoted itself to wondering whether Shakira’s clip-on ponytail could kill me if she whipped it hard enough. I don’t want to be thinking that; I just have been!

NEXT: Hidden Gems…that’s right, plural

Our Pros did appear, though, for an old-school results-night appearance involving (gasp!) traditional Latin ballroom music. Alec and Edyta, Cheryl and Louis, and Dmitry and Karina performed an excellent group paso doble/Argentine tango combo routine, an alternate version of which — not to beat a dead horse/Shakira’s ponytail or anything — would have been really nice to have enjoyed at the top of last night’s show if it had covered the four new dances for week 4. I am already looking forward to and planning my viewing costume for Monday’s Group Hustle — not because it was highly touted by DANCMSTR after the pro dance, but because it is obviously going to be one of the biggest and best s—shows DWTS has ever seen. It’s a Group Hustle! Come on!

For the second week running, the two Tuesday night Negligible Filler Segments reached unprecedented levels of averageness. We heard all the Stars explain what stress is in one, and in the other the Stars with Kids got to rack up some awwwwwww points with voters. Chuck’s kids’ dad can beat up your dad. Never forget.

Hidden Gem of the Week: This week’s diamond in the rough — or the lip piercing amidst the rugged terrain of a hairless chin — comes from reader Corran, who writes: ”Annie, my hidden gem this week was Kelly Osbourne’s boyfriend’s expression after Karina and Aaron failed to nail their lift. He looked like he was thinking ‘Wow man…you suck.”’

He almost looks embarrassed for them or, more likely, for himself. Oh, what the heck, I might as well do two. Reader KF writes: ”Hidden Gem Nomination: At the very end of Natalie and Alec’s Bolero, there was a young female audience member to the right of the screen whose mouth was wide open in shock or amazement.

I didn’t think much of that one just upon reading it, but after uncovering it from a pile of Monday night rubble à la Aladdin, I realized this was a very special gem indeed. Thanks to everyone who nominated gems! I had trouble finding ”Father Time” from Tuesday night, Rich, but will probably see it this weekend when I undergo my Saturday afternoon ritual of watching the Tuesday results show six or seven times in a row to see what I missed. Not really. Talk about week 4’s elimination in the comments, DANCMSTRs, and I’ll see you next week after a beyond-ridiculous Group Hustle….liiiiiiiiiiiiive.

Follow Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

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